


a better class of loser

by pseudowoodo



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudowoodo/pseuds/pseudowoodo
Summary: When Serena van der Woodsen returns to the Upper East Side, outsider Blair Waldorf gets drawn into her world and introduced to a whole new social circle - including Serena's ex-boyfriend, Dan Humphrey.Upper East Side Dan/Brooklyn Blair season 1 au.





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! This is a Dan/Blair fic but it's also very much about Blair and Serena's friendship, which gets a lot of focus, so just a heads up that the dair stuff takes awhile to really get going. There's also some Dan/Serena and a little bit of Nate/Serena and Nate/Blair on the way.
> 
> Content warning for canon level allusions to eating disorders, suicide, and sexual assault.
> 
> The whole thing is written and I will be posting new chapters once or twice a week as I edit.

The best part of leaving the city is returning through Grand Central Station.

It feels like a movie, watching the Manhattan skyline approach through the train window, emerging from the dark tunnel into the golden hall with its iconic clock and ceiling of stars. There's something so wonderfully classic about train stations, this one in particular, that pleases Blair, enhancing the inherent drama of departures and returns.

Not that her own return is anything particularly dramatic; she'd only been gone for the long weekend visiting her father up in Hudson.

 _Hudson_. God, that might honestly be the worst part of this whole year long nightmare. Her father abandoning her was one thing, but doing it for a life in the _suburbs_ was unforgivable.

Blair makes her way towards the subway, dodging gawking tourists and loose children. Thankfully, she’s well past the age where her mother would have to come pick her up, so she's spared the politeness mandated, “How was your father?”

There’s really no way good way to say, “He's fine,” that doesn't carry an unspoken, “without you.”

They've successfully been avoiding talking about it for months now and Blair sees no reason for that to change.

She's halfway across the hall, idly planning her outfit for tomorrow, when she sees something that actually could be straight out of a movie: Serena van der Woodsen, in the flesh. The heroine returned.

Her steps slow automatically. As much as she likes to pretend she’s above caring about the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite, seeing Serena still feels monumental. Like witnessing history being made.

You'd think going to school with someone, walking the same halls and sitting in the same classes, would stop their mere presence from feeling like an Event, but that had never been the case with Serena and was even less so now. As far as Blair knew, no one has seen Serena since her mysterious disappearance last fall. And yet, here she is, standing at the balcony overlooking Grand Central like she'd just been gone for the weekend.

There's the click of a camera phone and Blair turns to see a wide eyed girl with a brown bob and a hideous scarf staring at the picture she'd just taken, biting her lip as she types out the text that will no doubt have the news all over the Upper East Side in seconds. Blair feels a ridiculous flash of disappointment that there's someone else watching, that she's not the sole witness to Serena's return.

Serena’s eyes pass right over Blair as she scans the crowd. She must find who she’s looking for because she descends the stairs into the main hall, handing her bag to a black suited driver with a smile. So no one was there to greet her either. Did _anyone_ know she was coming back?

Blair watches until the crowd swallows Serena up and she's left standing there like an idiot. Even the picture taker has moved on.

It's absurd, acting like this is something that matters to her. She doesn't know Serena. Her return will have literally no impact on Blair's life.

Still, as she resumes her path towards the subway it feels like something has happened to her. Something's begun.

 

_Why did she leave? Why did she come back? What does our Lonely Boy think now that the love of his life has returned? He and N have been on the outs since she disappeared, will this bring them back together or split them up for good? I for one can’t wait to find out._

_You know you love me._

_XOXO, Gossip Girl._

 

Serena's return is all anyone is talking about at school the next day. Of course it is, it's the biggest thing to hit the Upper East Side since - well, since Serena had left.

Blair soaks up all the gossip while pretending to read in the courtyard before first period. Practically everyone claims to have witnessed Serena’s arrival to a party at the Humphrey penthouse first hand. There, she'd barely exchanged two words with her ex-boyfriend Dan Humphrey before bolting. Rumor has it that when Nate Archibald heard she was back he literally dropped Penelope Shafai on her ass. _Poor Penelope_ , the crowd titters.

Poor Penelope indeed. She's barely been fending off the ambitions of little freshman Jenny Humphrey. There's no way she'll survive going toe to toe with Serena.

But when Blair passes by the dining hall come lunchtime, Penelope is safely ensconced in her usual place at the Queen’s table, watching Jenny hand out party invitations with pursed lips. Serena is nowhere to be seen. Curious.

The mystery is soon solved courtesy of Gossip Girl.

_Spotted: A confrontation in the courtyard. Did S really think she could waltz home and things would be just like they were? Did D really think S would give up her secrets so easily?_

Of course Serena would care more about boys than her crown. It was however mildly surprising that Humphrey wasn't tripping all over himself to get her back. He'd practically been Jay Gatsby levels of obsessed with her, something that had only become more obvious when she'd left.

The reasons for her disappearance stubbornly remain a mystery. The official word was that Serena had been ‘overwhelmed’ and ‘had to get away’ but of course no one believed _that_. She must have been pregnant, or in rehab, or sent away for sleeping with her latest stepfather (now _ex-_ stepfather, people whisper with significantly raised brows). No one just walks away.

 

“I don't get it,” Nelly Yuki says as they're warming up for gym. “She went away and now she's back, what's everyone freaking out for?”

“Come on, you must be at least a little curious,” Blair wheedles. Nelly’s useless for gossip but Blair’s desperate and Nelly is the closest thing she has to a friend at Constance. Ally might be more accurate, someone to partner up with in class and sit next to during assemblies to avoid looking like a total loner weirdo. Any hopes for actual friendship were quashed the minute Blair realized they both had their sights set on Yale.

Nelly shrugs. “I have more important things to think about.”

The annoying thing is she actually means it. She genuinely doesn't feel the pull of the Constance rumor mill whereas Blair only pretends not to. It's admirable really, not that it stops her from rolling her eyes once Nelly’s back is turned. She could at least have the courtesy to act like she cares about something lower minded than violin concertos or molecular physics.

 

It used to be fun, being an outsider. It was like being a spy, spending all day gathering intel then reporting back to Vanessa, who would laugh and say, “God, I can't believe you actually have to go to school with people like that!”

And that had been enough. Why bend over backwards trying to make friends with a bunch insipid rich girls when she had Vanessa?

Maybe it had started then, when Vanessa moved away and subsequently dropped off the face of the Earth. Maybe it was when junior year began and Blair realized she had two more years of this and she was going to have to go through them alone. Or maybe it wasn't until now, with Serena's return electrifying the entire school and making Blair realize how dull her life is in comparison. In any case, it’s no longer enough to ghost through school with only Nelly Yuki for company. Hell, even Nelly has her lame boyfriend Todd to look forward to. Blair just has her _mother_.

It's pathetic, doing homework alone in her room on a Friday night. She can practically feel her youth slipping away as she sits there and it makes her so restless she wants to scream.

It's perhaps even more pathetic to open Gossip Girl and read about how much more exciting the lives of her classmates are, but it's useless trying to focus on pre-calc when she's feeling like this and she can't resist the desire to know what's happening across the river in Manhattan.

_Spotted at the Palace hotel: S and D having a heart to heart. But why so thirsty S? Looks like our bad girl gone good still has something to hide._

Accompanying the post is a picture of Dan and Serena sitting side by side at the hotel bar. It’s hard to believe they’re the same age as her, they look so much more mature. So much _more_.

She slams her computer shut. They are not better than her. There is nothing stopping her from getting dressed up and going to a bar. She still has the fake ID she used to get into the ratty Brooklyn clubs Vanessa would drag her to whenever a band she liked was playing. Surely it will work just as well on the Upper East Side.

When she exits her room following a quick primping and outfit change, her mother is right there, sitting at the kitchen counter.

She puts down her magazine and looks at Blair over the top of her glasses. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, a girl from school invited me over,” Blair lies. “Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course. It's good you're making friends.” She hardly looks pleased though and Blair tries not to squirm under her mother’s sharp gaze. “That blouse is too big,” Eleanor says finally. “You should have let me fit it.”

There’s a moment of disbelief, but a brief one. She knows better. “Right. I'll keep that in mind.”

She hovers for a second, but apparently that was all her mother had wanted to say. Blair walks out, leaving her to her magazine.

She fiddles with her shirt all the way into Manhattan, even though she _knows_ it's fine. She hates that her mother can do this to her, the feeling compounding on the impotent rage that had carried her out of the house.

But once she's actually there, standing in the chilly night air on Fifth Avenue, her restlessness begins to fade into aimlessness as she wonders what on Earth she was thinking. What exactly is she expecting to happen here?

She’s come too far to go back, so she goes to the Palace hotel as planned, walking into the bar straight backed like she belongs there.

It only takes a glance for her to sag, what little confidence she had draining away. Not only is there no sign of Serena or Dan, there doesn’t seem to be anyone her age period. It’s all middle aged divorcées and groups of businessmen in expensive suits. And she’s just a stupid little girl who might as well have a Brooklyn B stamped on her forehead.

She can't just turn around a leave, so she begins a pointless circuit of the bar, pretending to be looking for someone. She's about halfway through, craning her neck as she goes, when someone crashes into her from behind, sending the contents of their bag skittering out all over the floor.

Blair turns and finds herself face to face with a thoroughly rumpled and agitated looking Serena van der Woodsen.

“I'm so sorry,” Blair blurts out automatically, even though this is in no way her fault. Serena's not even looking at her, already crouching down to pick up the scattered contents of her purse. Blair joins her to help. “Are you okay?”

“Fine, thanks,” Serena says, sparing her the briefest of looks as she takes the offered items from Blair's hands. Fumbling her purse closed, she stands up and rushes out of the bar without a second glance.

Before Blair has a chance to recover, Chuck Bass stalks past, equally rumpled and looking murderous.

Blair stares after them before realizing she's still crouched on the ground like a child and people are beginning to stare. As she stands, she notices a phone under the bar stool by her foot and bends down again to pick it up.

Well, at least she has an excuse to leave as quickly as possible. She exits the bar at a brisk pace, but by the time she reaches the lobby, Serena and Chuck are long gone.

She turns the phone over in her hand, considering before slipping it into her purse. She could return it to Serena at school tomorrow and...well, probably get nothing but a polite smile and a brush off, but it’d be _something_. A break in routine.

She's halfway home before she remembers that tomorrow's Saturday, and it’ll be hard to excuse holding onto Serena's phone for the entire weekend. Which means she'll have to go all the way back to the Palace and just turn it in to the lost and found or something. She’s going to have to wake up early if she wants to get it done before her shift at the coffee shop too. God, she might as well have just stayed home.

 

Blair knew returning Serena's phone would be an inconvenience, involving as it did an unscheduled trip into Manhattan, but she had failed to anticipate the snooty concierge for whom the return of lost property was classified as highly suspicious activity.

“Look, I'm just trying to return her phone,” Blair says for what feels like the dozenth time. “I did not _steal_ it. I ran into her last night and she _dropped_ it.”

“If you're not a guest at the hotel then what were you doing here?”

“I was - it doesn't matter. It's her phone okay? I'm sure she wants it back.”

“Well here's Miss van der Woodsen now. Let's see what she has to say.”

Blair turns in time to see Serena emerging from the elevator. The concierge calls her over in a voice orders of magnitude kinder than than the one he'd been using on Blair. Ah, to go through life blonde, rich, and gorgeous.

“Serena, do you know this young lady?” he asks as she arrives at the desk.

“No, she doesn't know me, no one knows me,” Blair says hurriedly. The last thing she needs is for Serena to think she’s some creep trying to claim friendship.

But she hardly gets the words out before Serena's saying, “Oh, yeah, from last night, right? I’m sorry about that.”

“You remember me?” Blair says, forgetting about the phone in her surprise. Serena nods and Blair turns back to the concierge with a triumphant smile.

“She claims she found your phone here last night,” he says. He must be sufficiently convinced it is in fact a phone and not some sort of explosive device because he hands it over to her.

“Oh my god, thank you!” Serena exclaims, turning to Blair with a stunning smile. “I was looking everywhere for this.”

“No problem,” Blair says, mildly overwhelmed. She should say something, right? Something witty and clever that will make an impression. This is her chance.

Before she can think of anything, a voice calls out, “Serena!”

They both turn to see an elegant blonde woman with a garment bag slung over her arm.

“Hey mom,” Serena says, her smile fading.

“Look what I found for you.” She holds out the garment bag for inspection. “A dress for Kiss on the Lips.”

Serena shifts uncomfortably, her elbow just grazing Blair. “Oh, I don’t think I’m going to that.”

“What? But Rufus said Jenny's throwing it. Don't you want to see her?”

“Yeah, of course I do, it’s just that I uh... I already made plans.”

Mrs. Van der Woodsen narrows her eyes at her daughter's apologetic smile. “Oh really? With whom?”

Serena hesitates and Blair seizes the opportunity. “With me.” She puts on the well practiced smile she reserves for parents and teachers. “Blair Waldorf. It's lovely to meet to you Mrs. Van der Woodsen.”

“Yes!” Serena says, delighted. “Blair is an old friend of mine and we were just making plans to catch up later.”

Her mother’s eyes flick between the two of them, bemused skepticism intact. “An old friend from where?”

“Oh, I go to Constance.” Blair doesn't miss Serena's surprise, though she hopes Mrs. van der Woodsen does.

“Well then you must have been invited too.” She surveys them with a satisfied smile. “Why don't you two go together. That way you can catch up with _all_ your old friends.”

“But mom-”

“Serena. If you hide yourself away, people will think you have something to hide. This party is the perfect opportunity to announce your return and you are going, no excuses.”

Matter settled, she gives Blair a polite smile and walks away before her daughter can argue.

Serena pushes her hair back with a sigh. “I guess that's it then.” She smiles at Blair, resigned. “Thanks for trying.”

“No problem,” Blair says again, mind scrambling for something else to add.

But Serena is already eyeing her speculatively, measuring her up in a way Blair’s not sure she likes. “So, meet back here at eight?”

Blair blinks. “What?”

“We might as well head over to the party together right? Unless you already had plans?”

It’s not even asked in the bitchy ‘as if _you_ could possibly have plans,’ way. Serena seems to genuinely want to know.

“No, I don't, but I - I wasn't invited.”

Serena shrugs. “Neither was I. Not that that would mean anything to my mom.” She rolls her eyes and gives Blair a reassuring smile before saying, “I’m sure they'll let us in,” with the easy confidence of someone who's never encountered a closed door in their life.

“You actually want me to go with you?” She has to want something. Girls like Serena aren't _nice_.

“Yeah. It'd be cool to have someone to talk to while everyone’s whispering about me.” She smiles like she's joking but doesn’t quite pull it off.

“Don't you have actual friends for that?” Blair asks, and she doesn't mean to sound like a bitch, not really, but seriously. Even if she was to accept that Serena is just lonely, she has to have better options for company than a girl she met ten seconds ago.

Serena doesn't seem bothered by her tone, giving a rueful little shrug. “I’m kinda short on those at the moment.”

Blair still doesn’t quite believe her, but that doesn’t stop her from saying, “Okay. I'll be here at eight then.” In the end, Serena’s intentions don’t really matter; there is no world in which Blair was ever going to say no.

 

Prior to this, Blair has had exactly one significant interaction with Serena van der Woodsen.

It was almost a year ago now, back when she'd still been living in blissful ignorance of the impending collapse of her parents’ marriage. Her father was her favorite person in the whole world and they were getting ready to celebrate their favorite holiday together.

Vanessa had still been there too, though they’d known about the move by then. It hadn't seemed so catastrophic at the time. Blair was mostly just confused why anyone would move to Vermont, in the middle of winter no less. It was a blow, but they'd still be close. They'd still talk everyday.

It was because of the move that their families had decided on a last minute joint Thanksgiving. In the midst of all the preparation, Blair made the executive decision that her daddy's famous pumpkin pie would not be enough for all of them (especially if she wanted leftovers) and she set out to buy another one.

It was a nice pie, from a fancy bakery tied up in a fancy box. It was Thanksgiving after all and if she was going to have store bought anything it would be the best store bought had to offer.

She was balancing the box in one hand and hailing a cab with the other when someone stumbled into her, knocking her off the curb and sending the pie flying into the road where it was immediately run over by a passing car.

Blair turned, furious, to see a drunk Serena van der Woodsen wearing what appeared to be a silk negligee under a leopard print coat.

“Ohhh, pie,” she’d moaned, placing a hand on Blair’s shoulder as she ambled towards the remains, looking at the squashed pie like it was the saddest thing she'd ever seen in her life. Considering who she was, it actually might have been.

Blair grabbed her arm to keep her from wandering further into the street, her anger slipping in the face of Serena's distress.

“Are you alright?” She smelled like the floor of a brewery and gave the impression of stumbling even while standing still. “Do you need me to call someone?”

Serena didn't seemed to hear her, pulling out of her grip and almost getting run over as she tried to flag down a cab.

Blair yanked her back and unsuccessfully tried to get her onto the sidewalk.

“Who’re you?” she slurred in response to the pressure.

“I’m Blair. Blair Waldorf. I go to your school?” This inspired no recognition. Of course it didn't, they only saw each other in the halls every day and were in almost all the same classes. Why would Serena recognize her?

She huffed a sigh, tugging ineffectually at Serena's arm, and then-

“There you are! I told you not to wander off!”

“Dan!” Serena's face lit up at the sight of her boyfriend, drunken happiness returning in full force.

Dan quickly took Serena in hand, herding her out of the street, her purse slung over his arm.

“Okay, we got everything now?” he said, dodging Serena's attempts to hug him as he got her onto the sidewalk. “Great. Let's go back to my house and get you cleaned up before your mom finds you.”

He spoke gently but was doing a poor job of concealing his exasperation, not that Serena was in any position to notice it. She nodded along, happy and giggling, and Dan sighed as he turned to look for a nonexistent cab.

He finally noticed Blair standing there, his eyes going from her to the crushed pie in the street and back again. Glancing back to make sure Serena stayed put, he approached her.

“Sorry about that,” he said, taking out his wallet. She stared at him incredulously as he fished out a hundred dollar bill and offered it to her with smile, like wasn't he just the _nicest_ guy.

Blair glared at him until he put it away with quirk of his eyebrows and a suit-yourself shrug.

“Bye Claire!” Serena called, wiggling her fingers in goodbye as Dan slung an arm around her shoulders and led her away. Blair watched her lean into him and laugh into his side as they made their unsteady way down the street, pie and Blair already forgotten.

She'd recounted the entire thing to Vanessa later, telling her all about the rich Upper East Siders who got wasted on Thanksgiving, who couldn't even stop for a _day_ to give thanks for how lucky they were. Wasn't it sad? Wasn't it _pathetic_?

A week later, Serena had disappeared.

 

Blair makes it back to Brooklyn just in time for her shift at the coffee shop. She'd inherited the job from Vanessa when she'd moved and kept it because it was conveniently located next to her mother’s store and flexible with her school schedule.

They’d _adored_ Vanessa there. They thought Blair was competent.

At this point she’s practiced enough to do her work on autopilot, leaving her free to worry about the coming evening. It still feels like a trap, but Blair can’t figure out what the _point_ is. She’s nobody. What could Serena possibly want from her?

She's been going in circles since she left the Palace and gotten nowhere so she turns her thoughts in a more productive direction, namely what on Earth she’s going to wear.

Blair had read once that before Audrey Hepburn was famous her wardrobe had consisted of nothing more than one skirt, one blouse, one pair of shoes, and fourteen scarves, yet everyone who met her remarked upon her poise and style. She knew which clothes looked good on her and how to accessorize and that was all she’d needed to become an icon.

This was the guiding principle behind Blair’s own wardrobe, which she'd built up steadily over years of scouring thrift shops, consignment stores, and clearance sections, digging through rubbish for the occasional rare find. She's amassed quite a collection of accessories to liven up her uniform and is easily one of the best dressed girls at Constance, despite her financial disadvantage.

That was school though, where everyone had the same basic uniform to work off of. Parties were different, and merely accessorizing one of her basic dresses wasn't going to cut it. There’s no time to go shopping though, not if she wants to be able to shower and do her hair, which leaves only one option.

Waldorf Boutique is small, classy, and as carefully curated as Blair's closet. Eleanor has an eye for up and coming designers currently living as starving artists and her store is filled with items destined for the runway. It’s an invaluable resource, but inaccessible without going through her mother.

Circumstances make this unavoidable however, so once her shift is done Blair squares her shoulders and walks into the store to inform her mother that she needs something to wear to an Upper East Side party.

Eleanor spends a moment on borderline insulting eyebrow-raised surprise, but seems almost pleased as she tells Blair to look around while she finishes with a customer.

The other downside of the store is that it’s all designed to suit Eleanor’s taste, which Blair has done her best to distance herself from since she was a child serving as her mother’s dress up doll. Still, she manages to find a few dresses that _might_ be suitable and takes them into a fitting room.

She’s trying on the favorite of her selections for the second time when her mother comes in.

“No, sweetheart, not that one.”

“What? Why not?” Blair asks, turning to get a different angle of herself in the mirror.

“Trust me, this one is a much more elegant choice,” Eleanor says, holding up a dress she’d brought in with her.

Blair looks it over before turning back to her reflection. “Well, I like this one.”

“Blair please, you wanted my help, didn’t you?”

To say yes would be losing and to say no would be cruel so Blair says nothing, adjusting the straps of the dress while avoiding her mother’s eyes in the mirror.

Eleanor puts her choice down with a sigh and moves in closer, looking over Blair's shoulder at their joint reflection. “I just want you to make the most of this,” she says, running a hand over Blair's hair, made messy by all the outfit changes. “These are the best years of your life. You’re young and beautiful and you should be going out and having fun instead of sitting at home all the time.”

It’s sweet, in a way, though does little to help her increasing anxiety. “I guess I can try that one,” she concedes.

Of course she must then submit to a fitting, but she doesn't mind too terribly. She and her mother rarely spend even this much time in each other’s company these days and it's...nice.

 

Blair goes back to the loft to get ready while Eleanor makes her adjustments to the dress. She examines her reflection pore by pore, jittery with nerves. _Why do you even care?_ asks the voice in her head that sounds like Vanessa’s. _You don’t like these people and you don’t need them to like you. Literally none of this matters_.

But it _does_. She knows it's stupid and it'll probably end up blowing up in her face, but this one night may be all she gets and she wants her Cinderella moment.

Her heart is pounding as she walks into the lobby of the Palace in her party dress, not a curl out of place. Maybe it is a trap. Maybe Serena was joking, or changed or mind, or worse, just _forgot_.

But no, there she is. Leaning on the balcony at the top of the stairs in a sparkly gold dress that is definitely _not_ the one her mother had picked out for her. Her eyes find Blair's looking up her and she smiles, slow, melting away a little of Blair's anxiety. She seems to float down the stairs in a golden haze. Blair wonders what it’s like to look like that, to live like that. It must be wonderful.

“You look nice,” Serena says when she reaches her.

Blair, having braced for condescension, is startled when it doesn't come, barely recovering in time to blurt out a, “You too.”

“Should we get a cab?” Serena asks, gesturing almost awkwardly to the door. It strikes Blair that Serena's nervous. It seems absurd that _she_ should have anything to worry about, but then this is the first party Serena’s attended since her return, a party she hadn't even been invited to. Maybe she really does need Blair.

The doorman hails a taxi for them and they slide in, Serena giving the address of the party, which is actually a lot closer to Blair's house than to the Upper East Side. But of course Serena van der Woodsen couldn't have met her in _Brooklyn_.

Sitting next to Serena in the dark silence of the backseat, the weirdness of it all washes over her once again. They are literally strangers. What are they doing. She stops herself twisting her hands in the skirt of her dress, not wanting to wrinkle the fabric.

It feels like an age before Serena finally breaks the silence, though they haven’t even left Madison Avenue.

“So, we’re supposed to be ‘catching up,’ right?” she says with a little smile, like they're sharing a joke. “Wanna fill me in on what’s been going on at school?”

The tension finally leaves Blair‘s shoulders. Serena wants _gossip_. That's a motivation she can understand and it’s relieving to know what's expected of her, even if she can't deliver.

“I’m not really part of your crowd,” she says carefully. “All I know are rumors and you can get those on Gossip Girl.”

If Serena's disappointed she doesn't show it, accepting Blair’s answer with a nod. “Yeah, I tried looking through it, but there’s so _much_ , you know?”

“There are only so many posts on Penelope’s supposed sartorial brilliance one can take I suppose,” Blair says, and is gratified when Serena giggles. “If there’s anything specific, I can tell you as much as I remember,” she offers.

Serena bites her lip in deliberation. “Why is she calling Dan ‘Lonely Boy’ now?” she finally asks.

It’s hard to remember how the whole Lonely Boy thing started, it seemed such a natural progression of Dan’s whole persona. He was Serena's Boyfriend, and then he wasn't. Of _course_ he'd withdrawn. After all, he was _such a nice guy_ whose heart had been broken. Poor, poor Lonely Boy. Ugh.

She doesn't think that's what Serena's looking for though, so she says, “I guess he's been alone a lot since he quit the soccer team?”

Serena frowns. “But what about Chuck and Nate? The three of them have been best friends since we were kids.”

Blair knows that. _Everyone_ knows that. That trio is at the center of ninety percent of all the Constance Billard gossip about the St. Jude’s boys. Dan Humphrey, Chuck Bass, and Nate Archibald.

All the girls have a favorite. It’s as standard as uniform violations and the source of endless giggling arguments. Even Nelly deigned to pick one (Dan, because she _would_ ). If asked herself, Blair would roll her eyes, but hers was Nate. Definitely Nate.

The whole thing was so pointless though; everyone knew they all belonged to Serena. It didn't matter that for some unfathomable reason she’d chosen Dan, or that Nate had half-heartedly started dating Penelope, or that Chuck slept with anything that moved. They were Serena's boys and had been for as long as anyone could remember. That they’d splintered without her really shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

But she doesn't think Serena wants to hear that either. “I don’t know,” Blair evades. “He just hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“I don't understand why me leaving would make him stop hanging out with his best friends,” Serena says, voice small.

“Well, I think something happened between Chuck and Dan’s sister,” Blair says, last spring’s drama coming back to her. “I don't know the details, but there was some party and the next day Chuck came to school with a black eye and Dan wasn't talking to him anymore.”

There’s quiet for a moment, then, “I can't believe him.” Blair thinks she's talking about Dan, but then her face is illuminated by a passing street light. She looks horrified. “Jenny was what, thirteen?”

“I don't think it was that serious,” Blair says, realizing with a shock what Serena must be thinking. And it wasn't, right? It's not like Blair was there, but she'd gotten the impression Dan had just caught them making out and overreacted. That's what everyone at school had been saying, that it was a party, that Chuck was just being Chuck, that Dan was out of line.

But Serena is shaking her head. “You don't know Chuck. You have no idea what he's capable of.”

The look on Serena's face as she'd rushed out of the hotel bar, Chuck stalking after her, returns to Blair with new significance. God, she is so _stupid_.

“I’m sorry.” It hits her all at once; Serena coming home to a hermit ex-boyfriend and classmates hungry for gossip, being attacked by one of her best friends and _knowing_ that if she told anyone they wouldn't believe her. No wonder she was desperate enough to turn to a nobody like Blair for company.

Tentatively, Blair reaches out her hand to where Serena's is resting on the seat between them. She's not good at comfort, never has been, but this is what one does, right? Reach out and let someone know you’re there.

Serena startles at the contact, then smiles and lightly twists their fingers together. “Thanks.”

 

There's a Rihanna song blasting out onto the sidewalk when pull up to the party, the sounds of cheers and laughter becoming clearer as they approach. Serena leads the way through the crowd of people who'd come outside to smoke or vomit, and gets them past the bouncer with nothing but a smile. Blair trails behind her like a shadow in her black dress.

The party is already in full swing, full of beautiful people in beautiful clothes dimly lit by low hanging chandeliers and colored panels along the walls glowing pink and blue. Blair hardly has time to take it in before the whispers start, soon followed by phones dinging to signal the inevitable Gossip Girl blast heralding Serena’s arrival.

_It’s Serena_

_Is that really her?_

_What is she wearing?_

_I bet she’s wasted._

_Who’s that girl with her?_

_“_ Serena.” Chuck Bass appears in front of them with his trademark smarmy smirk and ridiculous scarf. He gives Blair a lingering once over. “Who’s your friend?”

Serena rolls her eyes and makes a small noise of disgust, grabbing Blair’s hand and pulling her past him. Blair can feel him watching them go, making her skin crawl.

“Don’t let him get you alone,” she warns, as if Blair needs it after that cab ride.

They barely make it five feet before they're accosted again, this time by Dan Humphrey, underdressed and joyless.

“Dan!” Serena says, dropping Blair's hand and moving forward as if to hug him, faltering when he makes no move to meet her.

“Serena.” His arms are crossed but they loosen slightly when he notices Blair beside her. “And Blair Waldorf?”

Serena looks at Blair with surprise that Blair has no idea how to answer. She hadn't thought Dan Humphrey was aware of her existence, let alone her name.

“You two know each other?”

“Not really,” Dan says with a shrug, “I just remember her from the essay contest last year.” Blair wrinkles her nose at being addressed in the third person, and he must notice because he turns to her and says, “You were good.”

“I know I was,” she says, not bothering to return the compliment. He didn’t need it. He’d won.

He looks almost amused, but then his focus is back on Serena and it’s like seeing them at Thanksgiving again, like they're in their own private world.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d say hi,” Serena says, brow furrowing at the coldness in his voice. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen everyone.”

“Well, Nate’s around here somewhere. I’m sure you’re anxious to find him.”

Serena is quiet for just a second too long before, “Why would you say that?”

“He told me,” Dan says, sharp. “About the Shepherd wedding.”

Serena’s eyes widen. Blair isn't sure she’s breathing.

“Yeah, funny how that didn’t come up during our little talk yesterday.”

Serena opens and closes her mouth, does it again, but nothing comes out. Blair glances between them, utterly lost.

There's a humorless smile on Dan’s face as he says, “You know, I wish I could say I thought you were better than this, but honestly, the only thing that surprised me was that you even bothered trying to hide it. I mean, I always knew you were a slut, but I didn’t take you for a liar too.”

‘Slut’ is far from the worst thing Blair has heard people call Serena, so she can only imagine what Serena herself has heard over her many years in the spotlight. Judging by the the look on her face though, it’s the worst thing _Dan_ has ever called her.

She looks close to tears, but he doesn't soften, that horrible not-smile remaining firmly in place. It makes Blair want to slap him, but Serena is apparently more inclined to flight than fight and pushes passed him without another word.

It takes Blair a moment to register what happened and go after her, throwing a glare at Dan as she does. His face has gone blank and he hardly seems to notice Blair at all.

She finds Serena in time to see her down a glass of champagne, picking up another as she finishes. There's already an empty glass on the table next to her.

“Hey,” she says, announcing herself with a hand on Serena's arm. “Ignore him. He's an asshole.”

Serena shakes her head. “No, no he's not.” She twists the stem of the glass in her hand, not meeting Blair's eye. “Trust me, he has every right to be mad.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole,” she says firmly. Sure he may not be as bad as Chuck, but Chuck hardly sets the standard for human decency.

Serena lets out a shaky little laugh. “Yeah, well you don’t know him.” She looks up at Blair with an apologetic smile. “Look, thank you for coming here with me, you’ve been so nice, but I think I’m just gonna go.”

Earlier in the evening Blair might have been disappointed, even angry, but now she's just worried. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m not going to be much fun tonight.” She tries for another smile then, with a brightness that clearly takes effort, says, “You should stay though! Have fun, dance, mingle!”

Blair isn't sure she knows how to do any of those things, not in this crowd, not alone. And she bets Serena doesn't really want to be alone either.

“We should go get some pizza,” she declares with a confidence she doesn't really feel. Does Serena eat pizza? She doesn't look like she does, but then she would be the kind of girl who could eat anything she wants and not gain a pound. Blair certainly doesn't eat pizza, at least not where her mother can see, but she’d missed dinner in the rush to get ready, and she can't think of anything further from _this_ than a cheap late night pizza place, with greasy paper plates, and harsh fluorescent lighting.

Serena's smile is dazzling. “That sounds great.”

Practically giddy with the relief of having actually said the right thing, Blair smiles too. “Let’s go.”

Serena sets her drink down and they turn to leave, but almost immediately Serena spins back around, wild eyed.

Before Blair can ask what's wrong, she says, “Do you see Nate coming over here?”

Blair looks over her shoulder and quickly spots Nate Archibald, picking his way through the crowd in their direction. She nods in confirmation.

Serena runs a panicked hand through her hair. “I can’t deal with him right now. Can you tell him I’ve gone to the bathroom or something? I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, sure,” Blair says, bewildered. How many guys was Serena planning on running from tonight?

Serena gives her arm a quick squeeze in thanks and slips away into the crowd.

Blair waits as Nate disentangles himself from a group of soccer guys, all giving him parting back slaps. He’s looking down, straightening his suit jacket as he makes his way towards the refreshment table, so he doesn't seem to notice Serena’s no longer there until he's right next to Blair.

“Was Serena just here?” he asks, looking around, confused.

Blair's the only one in the immediate vicinity, so she assumes he's talking to her. “You just missed her.”

“Where'd she-”

“Bathroom.”

“Oh,” he says, continuing to look around as though Serena might reappear at any second. God, he was even prettier up close. Under ordinary circumstances, Blair would have resented being used as Serena's human shield, but this is a bullet she’s willing to take.

She straightens her shoulders and tosses her hair back with a little shake of her head. “It’s Nate, right?”

He finally actually looks at her rather than the Serenaless space around her and she tries a smile. It must work because he smiles back.

“Yeah, hi,” he says, trying to place her. He gives up with an apologetic grin. “Sorry, have we met before?”

“No, I just recognized you from school. My name’s Blair.”

“Nice to meet you, Blair.” Her heart is doing stupid fluttery things as he looks her over. “Are you new then? Why haven’t I seen you around?”

Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, but it feels like a compliment, like he’d remember her if he had the chance.

“I don’t go to too many parties,” she says, dismissive, like she’s selective rather than unpopular.

“And you’re friends with Serena?”

Oh. Of course. “Yeah,” she says, and it barely even feels like a lie. They're going to get pizza together. They can be friends.

He leans in closer, lowering his voice to ask, “Has she said anything to you about-”

“Nate! There you are!” Jenny Humphrey appears by his side, smile bright and dangerous. “Who’s your friend?”

Jenny Humphrey was one of the rare girls who made it onto Gossip Girl’s radar before even starting high school. She’d been Serena’s mini-me; long legs, untamed blonde hair, and a penchant for sequins writ small. It had therefore been a shock when she’d arrived at Constance in her bows and frills, innocent and angelic, not a hair out of place. It was all very deliberate, just as her resemblance to Serena had been deliberate. A month into freshman year and her ascendance is already assured.

“Jenny, this is Blair. She goes to our school.”

Jenny looks at Blair with feigned confusion. “Really? You know, I don’t remember giving you an invitation.”

“You didn’t,” Blair says, with equally feigned apology. “I came with Serena.”

“Funny, I don’t remember inviting her either.”

“Well, the more the merrier, right?” Nate says, cutting short the beginnings of a glare-off.

“Of course,” says Jenny, smile softening as she looks at him. “It’s just, I only ordered food and drinks for a certain number of people and I wouldn’t want party crashers to take away from the actual guests.”

“Oh come on Jen, how much could they possibly eat?”

“It’s more the drinks I was concerned about,” she says with a pointed glance to Serena’s empty champagne glasses on the table. “I don’t know about her friend here, but I think we can safely say Serena counts for at least ten where alcohol is concerned.”

Blair saves Nate from having to respond, jumping in with, “No need to worry. We only dropped by to check out the party and, well,” she casts a dismissive eye over their surroundings and gives a little shrug, “I think we’re gonna go.”

She should not be engaging in this mean girl bullshit. She's above that now. But it comes as easily as breathing and God help her, she’s missed it.

Jenny’s look of amused scorn is decent, but Blair's seen better, mostly practiced in the mirror. “Really? Well, bye then.”

She pointedly turns away to talk to Nate and Blair knows she has about ten seconds to leave before Jenny looks back at her with an _Oh, you’re still here?_ or maybe even a _Can I help you?_

At least, she would have if Nate wasn’t busy looking over Jenny’s head to something at the other end of the room.

Blair and Jenny both follow his gaze to see Serena and Dan, silhouetted against one of the colored panels, lighting them pink then blue then back again as they talk.

“Oh god, what is he doing,” Jenny mutters. Funnily enough, Blair was wondering the same about Serena.

“I uh, I’m gonna go for a walk. I need some air.” Nate tears his eyes away from the couple and gives Blair a distracted smile. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, you too,” she says. But he's already gone.

Jenny shakes her head in disgust as she turns away from the sight of Dan and Serena as well. Her gaze falls on Blair. “Weren’t you leaving?”

Ah, there it is. Blair gives Jenny one last fake smile and walks away with purpose though she has nowhere to go.

Her steps turn towards Serena, the only person here who has any idea who she is. She said they’d meet outside, but she’s obviously gotten distracted and Blair doesn't want to wait for God knows how long in the cold. Or give Serena any excuse to forget about her. Besides, interrupting whatever's happening with her and Dan is probably for her own good.

But she can’t help slowing as she gets close, reluctant to disrupt the scene. The music is too loud to hear what they're saying but Serena reaches out to touch his arm and it looks like she’s apologizing, pleading.

Dan shakes her off and walks away and Serena is left standing there alone, hand falling to her side.

Blair approaches cautiously, feeling like an intruder even though Dan is gone.

“Serena?”

“Hey!” Serena smiles at the sight of her and Blair pretends not to notice her wiping her eyes.

“God, it’s like an episode of The Bachelorette in here,” she jokes. “Any more suitors you need to dodge?”

Serena laughs and links her arm through Blair's. “Nope, I'm all yours. Pizza?”

“Let’s go.”

 

 


	2. Ivy Week

It's depressingly easy to slip back into normal life. Working her usual Sunday morning shift at the coffee shop, the night before might as well have been a dream. It certainly feels like a dream; she can’t possibly have spent hours talking over dollar-a-slice pizza with Serena van der Woodsen.

But she had, and the most surreal thing about it was how _normal_ it had seemed. It’s been ages since Blair’s had anyone to talk to and she got the impression the same was true of Serena, who was so nice and charming that Blair almost believed her when she said she’d see her at school on Monday.

And who knows, maybe she will. Maybe they’ll actually become friends. Or maybe Serena just needed a distraction and has already forgotten the whole thing. Blair’s not going to get her hopes up.

Once her shift is over, she settles down at her computer and has a quiet, productive Sunday getting a head start on some assignments and cyberstalking the Yale rep in preparation for Ivy Week.

Serena’s day is much more exciting.

When Blair finally lets herself check Gossip Girl, she's greeted by an explosion of posts covering Bart Bass’s brunch, where Serena was at the center of an actual fist fight between Dan Humphrey and Nate Archibald. Chuck Bass had been involved in some capacity, as was generally the case wherever there was trouble, but got himself shoved into a dessert cart by Dan early on in the proceedings. Blair screenshots the pictures for posterity.

The fight itself wasn’t the big news though. No, the real gossip was the reason for the fight, which was of course, Serena. Serena, who had slept with Nate, her boyfriend’s best friend, and then ran away rather than deal with the consequences.

It neatly explains all the drama Blair had witnessed at the Kiss on the Lips party, but her utter lack of surprise is hardly unique. It was exactly the sort of thing expected from Serena, making it the best kind of gossip: deliciously scandalous, yet completely predictable, as if designed to inspire gleeful _I knew it!_ ’s.

Blair's own small measure of vindication is drowned out by disappointment. For a night, she’d thought Serena might be different than the girl everyone talked about.

 

All eyes are on Dan and Nate at school the next morning, but they’ve either struck some sort of peace or actually worked out all their problems with that fist fight because what few interactions they're seen to have are perfectly civil.

Penelope is more than happy to provide the missing drama, eager to remind those like Blair who had completely forgotten that she too was a wronged party. If she actually dumped Nate for cheating on her, Blair might have been forced to give her some respect. As Penelope was instead devoting practically every breath to calling Serena a slut, her disdain is free to go unchecked.

Serena deals with the weekend’s revelations by making herself scarce. She’s late to their shared morning class, sliding into a seat at the front and leaving before Blair can decide whether or not to approach her. She only glimpses Serena after that, catching the tail end of the trail of whispers that follows wherever she goes.

It’s a shock then to to look up from her lunch to see Serena standing just a few steps below her, nervously twirling a spoon in the cup of yogurt she’s carrying.

“Hey!” she says, smile slipping a little as Blair utterly fails to respond. “I looked for you in the dining hall, but I didn't see you. Because you're out here. Obviously.”

“Um, yeah. Sorry, I didn't know if I should wait for you.” Hadn't even considered it actually.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“No, of course not.” Blair collects her bag and miscellaneous tupperware to make room. Serena smiles in thanks as she sits.

“It's nice out here,” she says, turning to look up at the Met. “Is this where you always eat?”

“Yeah. The dining hall gets so crowded, you know?” Honestly, she likes the idea of it more than anything: a girl eating alone on the steps of the Met. It feels classic, like Audrey eating her croissant outside Tiffany’s. At the very least, it’s less pathetic than eating in the library with Nelly Yuki.

Serena nods and is kind enough not to ask why she isn't eating with her friends. Blair hadn't exactly told her the extent to which she is a social nonentity, but it must have come across between the lines of their weekend conversation. Or maybe Serena’s just grateful to find her alone. She's out here on the steps too after all.

“So, how was the rest of your weekend?”

“Fine. You know, homework. Boring.” It occurs to her that Serena might not, in fact, know what a boring weekend is. Her last one certainly hadn't been. “I guess I don’t need to ask how yours was.”

“I told my mom going to that brunch was a bad idea.” She breathes out an annoyed little sigh. “I can't believe Nate just _told_ him. It's so stupid. What did he think was going to happen?”

Blair doesn't think pointing out that Nate’s in love with her would be a welcome addition. It's not like Serena doesn't know. Blair knows and she's spoken to him _once_.

“Chuck knew about it this entire time so it was going to come out eventually but-” she sags a little, absently stirring her yogurt. “I guess I hoped I could leave it behind. That night - all of it.”

“It’ll be okay,” Blair says, hoping her discomfort isn't too obvious. “This whole thing will have blown over by next week, you'll see. And I'm sure Dan will forgive you in no time.”

“Maybe.” She shakes her head, still staring at her food. “I just wanted a fresh start, you know? And now I’m back to being that girl who gets drunk and cheats on her boyfriend.”

Blair had thought that exact thing and feels guilty for it now. She of all people should have known better. “In seventh grade I put Nair in a Stacy Harper’s shampoo during a slumber party.”

Serena's looks up at her, startled.

“I also told Avery Finch’s parents she was having sex, exiled Sarah Carvey for wearing Uggs, and treated the only real friend I had like complete garbage,” she says, it all coming out in a rush. “I was awful and miserable and...I know what it's like. To want to be better.”

Serena blinks. Then, “You put Nair in her shampoo?”

“Yes.”

“So what happened? Did all her hair fall out?”

“No, just chunks. She spent the rest of the year trying to make head scarves a thing, but it didn't catch on.”

Serena bites her lip and Blair raises an eyebrow at her, realizing she's trying not to laugh.

“I know, I know, it's horrible. I shouldn't laugh,” Serena says. A giggle escapes.

“No, you shouldn't,” Blair says, beginning to smile herself. “My dark past as a middle school tyrant is _very_ serious.”

They both start laughing then, unable to stop. It's the first time Blair truly believes they could actually become friends. 

“What happened with your friend? The real one,” Serena asks once they'd sobered up. “Did she forgive you?”

Blair blinks back the memory of cold bathroom tiles and the acrid taste of vomit. Vanessa hadn't even said anything, just sat down with her and stroked her hair until she stopped crying. “Yeah, she did. I didn't deserve it, but when I really needed her, she was there for me.”

Serena looks wistful and Blair feels a sudden need to qualify. “That is, until she moved to Vermont. I don't hear much from her these days.”

“So, the best friend position is open?” she teases.

“Applications are being accepted as we speak.”

 

_Spotted: S, eating lunch on the steps with her new bestie from Brooklyn. She must be serious about going good if she's started taking on charity cases. That, or she's just desperate._

 

People start looking at her. Not staring, she hasn't done anything interesting enough to warrant that, but noticing. Their eyes don't skate past her like they used to. She’s now a snag. A question.

It isn't much, but it’s still more than Blair’s used too. She’s never featured so prominently in a Gossip Girl post before, though she has appeared in a couple of style rundowns, which she is privately quite proud of.

She waits to dissect the post until she's home and can view it on the bigger screen of her laptop. The caption is hardly flattering, but the picture isn't bad. She certainly doesn't _look_ like a charity case, her shirt tucked neatly into her skirt, and shoes perfectly complimenting her coat. Her hair looks better than she could have hoped for as well. More importantly, she’s smiling, she and Serena both. They look like they’re having fun, like they’re real friends, the kind a girl like Blair would have been jealous of.

She allows herself a satisfied smile before starting her homework. A picture speaks a thousand words after all and would no doubt leave a stronger impression than any of Gossip Girl’s pithy comments.

 

Serena not only continues to eat lunch with Blair but begins sitting next to her in their shared classes as well. Blair has spent the past two years convincing herself that she prefers being alone but now her days are full of Serena's happy chatter and she can't say she minds at all. It already feels as though it's been this way forever.

“So, you and Serena are friends now?” Nelly Yuki asks during one of their shared study halls.

“Yes. Why?” Blair hadn't thought Nelly would care. It wasn’t as though they ever spent time together outside class.

“Do you have any idea how she got a spot at the Ivy mixer so last minute?”

There’s a tinge of desperation in her voice and Blair revels in it.

The St. Jude's boys would soon be interviewing for usher positions, maintaining the illusion that their attendance at the mixer was to be based on merit. There were no such pretensions at Constance, where the committee of girls chosen to plan and attend the mixer had been assembled weeks ago based on little more than name recognition and popularity.

Blair has neither, but through prodigious ass-kissing and shamelessly playing up the scholarship kid angle she managed to squeeze her way in anyway. Nelly Yuki had not.

“Her mom is the planning committee chairwoman,” she explains. She doesn't need to be friends with Serena to know that, it’s one of the first things she made note of when she began strategizing her way onto the committee. Nelly might have her beat academically but in this arena Blair has the upper hand and now that she finally has an advantage, she’s going to milk it for all it’s worth.

Nelly’s shoulders slump. “Ugh, figures.”

Blair had felt much the same when Serena casually mentioned her upcoming attendance at the mixer, with less defeat and more fury, but had put those feelings aside for the sake of their budding friendship. It helps that Serena only wants to go to Brown, which is barely an Ivy anyway. Unfair as it may be, she'd much rather have a potential ally like Serena at the mixer than her biggest competition.

Still, her sympathy isn't _all_ fake when she says, “Sorry. This whole system totally sucks.”

Even knowing how to work it to her advantage can only do so much. Blair is still the lowest on the Constance totem pole and as such is delegated all the most menial tasks by the planning committee. She spends most of the week running around the school delivering messages and putting up signs like she doesn't have better things she could be doing with her time.

 

The morning of the usher interviews, both the boys and the girl are subjected to an assembly where it is impressed upon them once again that this is the most important moment of not only their academic careers, but their entire lives.

Blair refrains from rolling her eyes, sitting straight backed, prim and attentive. Serena has yet to show but a sidelong glance across the room reveals Dan Humphrey, sitting several rows in front of Chuck and Nate, who aren't even pretending to pay attention.

“At tomorrow night’s mixer, Penelope Shafai will announce the charity her Community Outreach Committee will honor this year,” says the headmaster as Penelope preens.

Blair does roll her eyes then. As if this community is in need of any more money.

After another droning speech they're finally released. As they file out, Serena comes running up the steps.

She halts in front of Blair with a breathless groan. “Did I miss it? Is it over?”

Blair desperately wants to ask how on Earth she’s always so late when she lives within walking distance, but Serena does seem to be trying so she refrains.

“It just let out. Trust me, you didn't miss anything.”

Serena lets out a frustrated sigh. “I really need to do well at this mixer.”

“Well, don't forget, _You are not only representing yourself this week, but generations_ ,” she says, slipping into a deeper voice to mock the headmaster.

That surprises a laugh out of Serena and Blair smiles, pleased she can do that. She slips her arm through Serena's and leads her down the hallway. “Come on, I'll fill you in on the way to class.”

 

With the Ivy mixer little more than 24 hours away, Blair is sent scurrying across the school running errands for the committee heads all afternoon. After getting Mrs. van der Woodsen’s signature for the delivery of the flower arrangements, she heads back towards the staging area, cutting through back hallways to avoid the crowds of departing students. Halfway there, she’s brought up short by the sound of footsteps storming down a nearby stairwell.

“Wait, Dan, why are you so mad?”

Dan Humphrey stops halfway down the stairs to look incredulously at Nate, trailing behind him. Blair ducks quickly back around the corner before either of them can see her.

“Why am I mad? Seriously?”

“Come on, man. It's not like I'm the one who decides who gets what spot.”

“Right, I’m sorry, you _earned_ this. I mean, I’m just second in our class and you’re somewhere around - what, I don’t know, last? But I’m sure you gave a _great_ interview.”

“I’m not saying it’s fair, I’m saying it wasn’t up to me.”

“You're a legacy. You knew if you went for the spot, you'd get it, but you did it anyway,” Dan says flatly.

“I couldn't not interview!”

“Why not? You don’t even want to go to Dartmouth!”

“You think my dad would understand that? You have no idea how much pressure he’s putting on my right now.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad because you refuse to stand up for yourself?” Dan snaps, showing no signs of slowing down. “Have you even told him that you want to go out to California?”

“Of course I have! Every time I do, he acts like it’s a joke!” Nate says, bafflement turning into frustration in the face of Dan’s continued anger.

“Well, maybe he’d take you seriously if you stopped doing literally _everything_ he wants you to.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Really? Because from here, it looks like for all you complain about having everything planned out for you, you can’t actually stand the thought of not being the golden boy anymore.”

There’s silence for a moment, the echoes of Dan’s voice dying in the stairwell, and Blair risks a peek around the corner. Dan looks like he's barely holding it together while Nate’s mouth is a hard line.

“You don't get it. Your parents are all cool and artsy-”

“Oh yeah, you should definitely be jealous of my parents right now. Sure, my mom said she’d be back from Paris by the end of summer and now it’s _October_ , but other than that, you're right, they're great!”

“That's not what I meant,” Nate says. He lets out a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? They just need this from me right now. And it's not like you're not going to get into Dartmouth anyway.”

“It's not about getting into Dartmouth! It’s that you take everything from me and you don't even care!”

Another silence. “I thought we were cool about Serena.”

Dan lets out a short, humorless laugh. “I _just_ found out my best friend had sex with my girlfriend, sorry I'm not over it yet.”

“I said I was sorry! I _am_ sorry. I didn’t -”

“I spent _months_ wondering what what the hell I could have done to make her leave without saying goodbye and the whole time you _knew_. You knew, and you didn't tell me.”

“I _would_ have told you,” Nate insists. “But right after it happened, she was gone. I didn’t know what was happening! It’s not like she said goodbye to me either.”

“So, you decided to just lie to me instead.”

“She was _gone_. I didn’t want to lose you too.”

“Yeah, well, you did.”

His stomping footsteps begin ringing through the stairwell and Blair realizes too late what's about to happen.

Dan almost runs right into her as he comes around the corner and she just stands there, heart thundering, as their eyes meet.

“Great,” he mutters, quickly glancing down and pushing past her. To her horror he sounds close to tears.

Blair turns to watch him go, his long strides swiftly taking him around another corner and out of sight. Peaking back into the stairwell, she sees Nate leaning against the railing, head tilted up, eyes closed.

She could go up to him. He might remember her from the party, might attempt a smile, might actually answer if she asked if he’s okay. She _should_ just pretend this never happened and make her way back to the Ivy mixer prep. But she’d seen the look on Dan’s face.

Blair had assumed the whole Lonely Boy thing was just a tortured artist pretension he’d adopted because his girlfriend left him. Honestly, she’s still not entirely convinced otherwise. But even if that was the case, the fact remains that Dan has been isolating himself for months now and no one had bothered to go after him.

 

She finds him sitting at the end of an abandoned hallway, legs sprawled out in front of him. He looks up at the sound of her approach.

“What do you want, Waldorf?” It’s too tired to be biting.

She twists the strap of her bag and doesn't meet his gaze. Now that she’s here she's at an utter loss for what to say. _Sorry your friends suck? Sorry your mom left? Sorry I know about it?_

Getting down to his level would probably be a good start so after an inspection for dirt or discarded gum, she joins him on the floor, carefully smoothing down her skirt as she folds her legs beneath her.

Dan withdraws his own legs slightly to accommodate her. When she looks over at him, he’s watching her, brow furrowed. She looks down at her hands instead, twining her fingers together in her lap.

“Earlier this year my dad ran off with one of my mom’s friends. One of her _male_ friends.” She rolls her eyes as she leans her head back against the wall. “My mom and I don't talk about it. Not that we talked much before. We've never really been close.”

Dan is quiet and she takes his lack of _Why the hell are you telling me this_ for encouragement. “I went to go see him a couple weeks ago. He's _so_ happy.” She shakes her head and looks back down at her hands. “It's like, I'm not even allowed to be mad at him, he’s so happy. Which, I guess he never really was before.”

“But you are mad at him.”

For a moment, Blair glances up and meets his gaze, which is steady, if a little confused. It’s only a moment though, then she looks away again.

“Of course I am. I mean, I know he’s better off now, but... he just _left_.”

“Have you told him?”

Blair scoffs. “No.” She’d pretended everything was normal, just like her father desperately wanted her to. Denial is hereditary it seems.

“You might feel better if you do.”

Blair’s not sure how this ended up with _him_ giving _her_ advice, but she's bad at comfort. It's not news.

She forces herself to meet his gaze again. “Do you?”

Dan shrugs. “Not really. But at least it's all out there. Maybe now we’ll be able to move on.”

She nods and lets the silence stretch out between them. They're even now. There’s nothing more to say.

“I have to go,” she says before the strangely companionable silence can turn awkward. She stands and brushes off her skirt. “I’m supposed to be helping with the Ivy mixer prep.”

“Uh, yeah, I should probably get going too.”

Dan pushes himself up and for a moment they just stand there, not quite looking at each other. Perhaps she should thank him. That or apologize.

God, she’s already put way too much thought into this. She gives him a short nod and walks away, hoping to leave the unsettled feeling in her stomach behind her.

 

Blair has been planning her outfit for the Ivy mixer for weeks, out of necessity as much as perfectionism. Unlike the rest of her classmates, she lives too far away to go home and change after school so there will be no chance to change her mind last minute.

She ends up selecting a blazer and matching skirt, both in a dark, Yale blue. She packs them carefully into her bag the night before and transfers them onto a cleared out shelf of her meticulously arranged locker as soon as she arrives at school.

Changing in the bathroom is not ideal, but at least it gives her the advantage of being at the mixer before anyone else. She greets the headmaster and the teachers to ensure they note her punctuality, then goes about making herself as conspicuously useful as possible while the rest of the students and guests file in.

Dan Humphrey is one of the earlier arrivals. For all his whining about Dartmouth, he actually had gotten an usher position. It was only for Brown though, so she can hardly blame him for being upset. He gives her an awkward little wave, which she ignores. Dealing with the fallout of personal conversations in abandoned hallways is not part of her master plan to get into Yale.

Serena doesn't arrive until after the round of welcoming speeches, trailing in behind her mother and a boy Blair vaguely recognizes as her younger brother, Eric. He looks very small and pale next to his blonde goddess of a sister, who’s wearing a sundress in defiance of the season. Dan has brought his younger sibling too, a galvanizing reminder of how much of a head start practically everyone here has on her.

She managed to greet the Yale rep when he arrived but he’d quickly been handed off to his usher - Chuck Bass of all people. Blair is attempting to glare a hole in his head when Serena finds her.

“Can you believe Dan is the Brown usher? He’s barely even talking to me, how am I supposed to get to the Brown rep?”

Blair’s sympathy is limited. “I don’t know,” she snips. “Any idea how _I_ am supposed to get to the Yale rep without degrading myself?”

Serena follows her gaze to Chuck and winces. “Okay, you win.”

“They're all hopeless.” She casts a disparaging glare over the lot of them; Dan sulking, Chuck bored, and Nate lost. “Honestly, they should just let the girls be ushers. You know we'd do a better job.”

Serena laughs. “I'll drink to that.” She grabs two glasses of punch and flips her hair over her shoulder. “Okay, I'm going in. Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Blair says absently, eyes still on her target.

It’s not until the Princeton rep, a middle-aged woman in a tight dress, walks by that she sees her opportunity. Sure enough, merely guiding the woman into Chuck’s line of sight on the pretense of getting her some refreshments sets him after her like a dog. Blair does feel a twinge of guilt as she abandons the rep to her fate, but she’s a grown woman, she ought to be able to handle a teenage boy, even one as odious as Chuck Bass. Besides, it’s all for a good cause.

The Yale rep now free, Blair swoops in on him with a practiced smile, firm handshake, and enough internet research under her belt to fake an interest in crew. She subtly guides him through the party as they talk, keeping him supplied with drinks, avoiding any potential interlopers, and introducing him to those teachers she can count upon to sing her praises.

By the time she’s able to stop and take stock of the party again, Nate’s gone, leaving Dan in easy conversation with the Dartmouth rep and Serena free to dazzle the Brown rep. All is right with the world.

It’s not long after that when her English teacher’s glowing review of her essay on Lady Macbeth is tragically cut short by the call to attention for Penelope’s speech.

“Welcome again to the Constance Billard-St. Jude’s Ivy week mixer. I’m Penelope Shafai, Chair of the Community Outreach Committee.”

There’s a round of polite applause as Penelope looks out at them all with an oddly smug smile on her face.

“Every year, our schools choose to support a local institution that we feel benefits our community. This year, our schools have chosen to honor the Ostroff Center.”

Blair’s raises an eyebrow. The Ostroff Center is hardly non for profit.

“This semester,” Penelope continues, “our choice is a very personal one. It’s because of their excellent programs, helping so many young addicts and alcoholics, that a student here with us today is clean and sober. At least, for now.” Penelope’s smile widens. “Can I please have Serena van der Woodsen join me on stage?”

All eyes turn to Serena, huddled with her mother and brother in quiet argument. Noticing all the stares, she breaks away from them and begins making her way to the stage, whispers following her as she does.

Rehab was one of the most popular, and plausible, explanations for Serena’s time away, so the announcement is hardly shocking. Not to Serena's classmates at least, but they’re not the people she should be worried about. Money and legacy can excuse bad grades but notoriety complicates the college application process.

There’s a smattering of applause as Serena takes the stage.

“Hi, I’m Serena van der Woodsen,” she says, clear voiced and head held high despite her palatable discomfort. “I just want to thank the committee for recognizing the Ostroff Center and all of the good things that they do.”

She leads another, brief round of applause. Blair thinks she’ll end it there, but Serena stays on stage, looking out over the crowd to where Dan is standing with the Dartmouth rep.

“At the Center, one of the main things that we learn is forgiveness. In order to move forward, we must forgive those who have wronged us in the past and we must ourselves ask for forgiveness from those we have wronged. “Without this-”

“Okay, thank you Serena,” Penelope interrupts, hurriedly clapping her off the stage. Blair could slap her.

Serena briskly makes her way out of the party, disappearing back into the main building of the school without looking at anyone. Blair notes that Dan has left the Dartmouth rep and is instead in conversation with his sister. After a moment they split up, him going after Serena and Jenny going over to Eric.

Blair doesn't know if Dan is going to check on Serena or confront her and doesn't trust him enough to assume the former. As Penelope calls the director of the Ostroff Center up to say a few words, Blair makes a quick excuse to the Yale rep and sets off after them.

She needn’t have worried. By the time she catches up, they’re out in the front courtyard and Blair watches through the window as Dan pulls Serena in for a hug. Serena wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his neck, and is slow to let go. Once she does, the two exchange a few words before parting, Serena going out through the gated entrance and Dan returning inside the school.

He freezes at the sight of Blair.

“Is Serena okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. She just needed to get out of here.”

Blair nods. She'll call her after the mixer is over to see if she needs anything. As there's nothing she can do now, she’s anxious to get back to the Yale rep.

She’s almost turned around when Dan blurts out, “She’s not actually addicted to drugs or anything.”

“Okay? Rehab works. Great.”

“No, I mean she wasn't in rehab. That speech - she was just protecting someone,” he elaborates hesitantly.

Blair puts two and two together. “Her brother?” That would be why he's not in school, and why Serena had so willingly stood up in front of representatives from the tops schools in the country to say she was a teenage drug addict. No one will be looking at him if they’re all looking at her.

Dan blanches and she knows she’s gotten it right. “Relax, Humphrey,” she says with a roll of her eyes. ”I won’t tell anyone. Though _you_ should probably do a better job of keeping your mouth shut. It’s hardly a big leap.”

“Right,” he says, sheepish. “I just didn’t want you to think badly of her, I guess.”

Blair narrows her eyes at him. “I wasn’t going to stop being friends with her because I thought she was in rehab.”

“No, of course not, that’s not what I uh...” She arches an eyebrow and he sighs. “You just seem like a good friend for her and I didn't want there to be any, you know, misunderstandings.”

“Right.” She lets him squirm a moment before saying, “We should probably be getting back now.”

She turns on her heel and sets off briskly down the hall. Dan follows, footsteps hurried until he catches up and falls into step beside her. Blair ignores him, trying to plot her next move with the Yale rep.

Instead her thoughts keep turning to Serena and how she must have felt as her Ivy dreams were blown to pieces. “Penelope wants to go to Princeton, right?” she muses aloud.

Dan glances sideways at her and half smiles. “If you’re going to be handing out retribution, make sure Chuck gets some too.” At her questioning look he explains, “Did you see how smug he looked? I’d bet the whole thing was his idea.”

“Hm, I thought it seemed too smart for Penelope.”

They turn a corner to find Jenny and Eric sitting on the floor together. Perhaps that's just what Humphreys do in times of stress.

“Serena okay?” Eric asks.

“She’ll be fine,” Dan says, giving him a reassuring smile. “She just went home.”

Eric nods, relieved. He looks so young. It's hard to believe he's in rehab, but easy to see why Serena would take the fall for him.

Dan and Jenny exchange nods before they move on and Blair catches Jenny giving her a curious once over as they go.

To her relief, the Yale rep is still in conversation with her English teacher so she lingers by Dan, giving into her curiosity with a casual, “I noticed you seemed to be getting on pretty well with the Dartmouth rep.”

“Uh, yeah,” he says, looking slightly embarrassed. “Nate handed him over to me then just walked out. I think his dad’s still in shock.”

“Good for him...” Blair says, trailing off as she spots the Princeton rep off in a corner, standing mere inches from Chuck as they talk. Gross, but it does make things easier.

“So. Good luck with Dartmouth,” she says turning her attention back to Dan for goodbye.

“Thanks. And good luck with...Yale, right?”

She nods and they exchange slightly awkward smiles before going their separate ways.

Blair drifts towards the Princeton woman, watching as she leans in and whispers something to Chuck, who smirks and leaves to go refill their drinks.

It only takes a few minutes, Blair using her most obnoxious goody two-shoes voice all, _gosh it’s_ totally _not my place to be telling you this, but Chuck and Penelope were ground zero for a recent school-wide chlamydia outbreak, so you should be careful._

Of course the woman acts like she has no idea why that information might be relevant, prompting a series of flustered fake apologies from Blair, but she also doesn't stay to wait for Chuck to come back with her drink.

Satisfied, Blair returns to the Yale rep, quickly disposing of Isabel Coates and Kati Farkas, who had descended on him in her absence. She’s lucky she doesn't have have to contend with anyone more serious than those two, who were well accustomed to taking orders after years as underlings to first Serena then Penelope and thought wearing fake glasses was enough to make them look smarter.

Once she's settled into a conversation in which all that's required of her is to nod and laugh in the appropriate places, Blair discreetly surveys the party again. She soon spots the Dartmouth rep, deep in conversation with Nate’s father, but it takes longer to find Dan.

He's back with the Brown rep, undoubtedly proclaiming the merits of beautiful blondes who may or may not be addicted to drugs. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Still, it is rather romantic of him, so she files it away to tell Serena later.


	3. Slumber Party

Serena calls the next day, declaring she just _has_ to get away from her mother.

“You can come over to my house if you want,” Blair says, amused by her obvious angling.

“Really? That would be great! I'll see you soon!”

Blair texts her the address and promptly freaks out.

Serena is constantly complaining about the hotel suite her family is staying in while their apartment is being renovated and Blair would bet anything that the entire Waldorf loft could fit comfortably inside it. Yes, Serena already knows Blair lives in Brooklyn and goes to Constance on a partial scholarship, but does she really _know_? Casual factoids dropped in conversation are different from visual evidence that Blair is from a different tax bracket and suddenly everything in the apartment seems shabby. She doesn't think Serena will be mean about it, but pity is a definite threat and a worse one.

Her fears are all for naught. Serena arrives just as Blair is finishing up her nervous bout of cleaning and upon receiving the grand tour of the loft’s living room/kitchen, proclaims she loves it with a bright enthusiasm too genuine for mere politeness.

No, what she should have worried about was her mother.

Eleanor _adores_ Serena. _What a lovely girl, isn’t she Blair? Such wonderful style, and_ so _charming._

“Blair _never_ brings home any friends,” she says conspiratorially, as if Blair is some anti-social freak, as if Vanessa hadn’t spent as much time here as she had in her own home.

It’s an agonizing ten minutes before Blair is able to escape with Serena to her room.

“Your mom is so nice!”

Blair gives a forced hum of agreement as she sits on her bed, gesturing for Serena to join her.

“So, what's up with your mom then?” she asks.

Serena gives a dramatic sigh, pushing her hand through her hair. “She's just being so awful about Eric. I mean he’s-”

She stops herself, eyes darting to meet Blair’s.

Blair considers waiting to find out just how much Serena trusts her, but decides against it. “In Ostroff.” She shrugs at Serena's surprise. “Dan sort of implied and it wasn't too hard to figure out. Is he okay?”

The tension leaves Serena’s posture and it's not long before she's spilled the whole story of Eric's suicide attempt and their mother’s cover-up.

“She's still keeping him locked up in there, pretending he's staying with Aunt Carol in Miami because that's easier than actually dealing with the truth.” She flops back on the bed with a sigh. “He needs some contact with the outside world, and god knows my mother won't give him any. I visit whenever I can, but all she cares about is if I get to school on time.”

“He's lucky to have you,” Blair says as earnestly as she knows how. Then, teasing, she continues, “And Dan seemed to think so too.”

Serena bites her lip and grins. “He was pretty nice yesterday, wasn't he?”

It’s lovely, talking and laughing together in Blair’s room. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this sort of thing since Vanessa left.

They browse through Gossip Girl together and see that Dan and Nate were spotted having some sort of heartfelt reconciliation in Central Park, in the pouring rain no less, which relieves Serena and amuses Blair.

“I have a good feeling about this.” Serena says, sitting up and tossing her hair. “Everything is going to work itself out.”

Seeing as she’s Serena van der Woodsen, Blair doesn't doubt it.

 

Serena comes over again the next day after Blair gets off work. They watch _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , Blair insisting once Serena admits she's never seen it. She spends the entire time too absorbed in watching for Serena’s reaction to actually enjoy the movie, but that's okay, she knows it by heart.

Once upon a time she'd done the same thing with Vanessa, who'd written the whole thing off the moment she saw Mickey Rooney’s awful yellowface. Understandable, but Blair had still been a little disappointed.

Serena fares better, which is hardly surprising when she thinks about it. Serena has more in common with Holly Golightly than Blair could ever dream to. She's even got the complicated relationship with an aspiring writer.

Well, not _that_ complicated.

Their talk at the Ivy mixer seems to have melted the ice, kicking off the next chapter of the Dan and Serena saga as the two begin taking small steps back towards each other. Or, Serena takes steps and Dan is now letting her. Each new development is dutifully reported by both Gossip Girl and Serena herself, who subjects Blair to endless Dan talk over the next few days.

Blair tries to be supportive, she really does. This is what friends do, they talk about boys and listen to each others problems. But God, did the boy have to be Dan Humphrey?

“Why do you like him so much?” she bursts out during lunch one day, breaking into Serena’s rumination on the significance of Dan waving to her across the courtyard that morning.

“Sorry,” she says at Serena's startled expression. “I guess I just don’t see the appeal.”

Serena actually considers before responding so Blair is surprised when all she comes up with is, “I don’t know. He’s just...nice.”

Blair’s official policy is pretending the events surrounding the Ivy mixer hadn’t happened, but that moment in the hallway comes back to her with alarming clarity. For all his judgemental righteousness, Dan can be nice. She knows that now.

Still, she must look skeptical because Serena insists, “He is! And smart, and funny, and come on, you at least have to admit he’s cute.”

Serena raises her eyebrows, expectant, and Blair rolls her eyes. Nate’s cuter.

“Look, I know he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. And totally judgemental-”

“Don’t forget pretentious,” Blair supplies.

Serena whacks her on the arm, laughing. “Okay, I know he’s not perfect. But he’s _Dan_. It was always going to be Dan.” Her soft smile is more convincing than anything she's actually said and Blair feels a sudden tug of yearning. She's never smiled like that. She’s never felt that way about anyone.

Blair bites her lip, not sure if she's allowed to ask, “But then why did you - what happened when you were dating before?”

For a moment Blair’s afraid she overstepped, then Serena sighs and says, “He was ready and I...wasn’t. I _wanted_ to be. I tried, but then he told me he loved me, and-” she shakes her head, blinking too quickly. “It was like our whole lives were starting and it was so _much_. I couldn’t deal so I did what I always do and ruined it.”

Blair gets self-sabotage, but with his best friend? Surely it didn’t have to be _Nate_. Before she can dig deeper, Serena says, “But it’s different now. I’m different.”

Blair nods and leans in, nudging Serena with her shoulder. “He’ll see that. Don’t worry.”

Serena smiles gratefully. “God, I’m sorry I’ve been obsessing.” She shakes her hair out and with renewed brightness says, “Let’s talk about something else. Thoughts on ponchos?”

Later, when they’re getting ready to head back to school, Blair can't help asking, “So you’re definitely not interested in Nate, then?”

Serena’s hesitation before answering is so slight Blair might not have noticed if she wasn’t looking for it. “Nope. Not at all.”

 

Serena does manage to cut down on the Dan talk through the weekend, but on Monday she’s waiting for Blair at the top of her subway stop, absolutely ecstatic.

“Dan and I are going out on Saturday,” she says, practically bouncing.

Blair can't help getting caught up in her enthusiasm and allows Serena to tell her all about it as they walk arm in arm to school.

“It's not actually a date, he was very clear about that,” she explains. “But it’ll be just the two of us, _alone_ , and if I can't manage to turn it into a date, then it really it hopeless.”

They’re walking up the courtyard steps when a big glob of yogurt splats right on Serena’s head.

They look up to see an angelic Jenny Humphrey standing at the railing backed by a group of pastel clad minions.

“Oops,” she says sweetly and the giggles follow them all the way inside.

Blair hurries Serena to the nearest bathroom and sets about cleaning her up.

“God, what is her problem?” she says, dabbing the top of Serena's head with a moist paper towel.

Serena shrugs. “I guess she still hasn't forgiven me for leaving.”

“So she's throwing food at you?” Blair scoffs, stepping back to survey the damage. “Okay, I think this is as good as it's going to get.”

Serena digs a silk scarf out her bag and ties it around her head, covering the wet spot. It looks amazing and Blair is struck by the horrifying thought that Serena's artful carelessness is legitimately careless, that she actually just wakes up looking like that.

She could really hate her if she ever wanted to.

 

Jenny finds them on the steps of the Met at lunch and delivers one of the least sincere apologies that Blair, a connoisseur of fake apologies, has ever heard.

She catches Serena's eye and is glad to see she looks equally unimpressed.

“I’m assuming Dan put you up to this?” Serena says.

“Nate, actually,” says Jenny, rocking back on her patent leather heels.

“Is that what this is about?” Serena lowers her voice, sounding almost sisterly as she says, “Look Jenny, I know you had a crush on him, and I'm sorry for-”

“God, this has nothing to do with Nate! I’m not stupid, I know he’s-” she stops and breathes out in a huff accompanied by an annoyed little shake of her head. “Do you really not get it?”

“Sorry, we don't speak yogurt bomb,” Blair snips.

Jenny rolls her eyes. “I’m sorry about the yogurt. Really. It was childish. What I _should_ have done was just told you to stay the hell away from my brother, slut.”

Blair feels Serena tense up beside her so takes it upon herself to glare at Jenny on her behalf.

“I've apologized to Dan, Jenny, and he's forgiven me,” Serena says firmly. “It isn’t any of your business.”

“Well, it was my business when I had to spend a _year_ watching him mope around all heartbroken. I thought he’d wait at least a month before taking you back but apparently he has no sense of self-preservation or self-respect.” She comes up another step and towers over them, forcing their faces up to meet hers. “He does have me though, and let me be clear: If you hurt him again, I will _destroy_ you.”

With that she turns and flounces off in all her pleats and curls, designer bag swinging from her arm.

Serena stares after her, mouth slightly open. “She used to be such a sweet kid.”

Blair snorts. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

 

Whether for daring to address her on the steps or simply because she’s been spending so much time with Serena, Blair begins to receive more attention from Jenny and her minions.

It’s not much, just a few looks and whispers, but Blair is attuned to such things and is therefore not surprised when she's called over to Jenny's table in the courtyard Friday morning. Well, technically still Penelope’s table, but it’s obvious which way the wind is blowing.

“I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot,” Jenny says, radiating sweet sincerity. She picks up a creamy white envelope from the table beside her and extends it out to Blair. “I’m having a slumber party on Saturday. _Very_ exclusive. You're invited.”

Blair raises an eyebrow as she takes the envelope, opening it gingerly to study the calligraphed invitation. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“We just want to get to know you better,” says Penelope, attempting to reassert some control. “You are in our class after all.”

“And you only just noticed?” Blair says, feigning confusion. They honestly might have. Blair wasn't particularly notable before Serena.

Penelope falters, but Jenny just shrugs. “Better late than never.”

Blair offers the invitation back. “Thanks, but I think I know you well enough already. I’ll pass.”

“People don't refuse,” Penelope says.

“You can't possibly have anything better to do,” Jenny says, the barest hint of stress on the _you_. “We’ll see you tomorrow night.”

The group of girls turn inward as one. Blair is dismissed.

 

“Oh, that sounds like fun!” Serena says when Blair shows her the invitation at lunch. “You should go. I would if I didn’t have my not-date with Dan tomorrow.”

Blair smiles at Serena’s assumption that she would still be invited to the sleepover even though Jenny hates her.

“You don't find this at all suspicious?”

“Okay, there might be some _light_ hazing”

Blair rolls her eyes. “I can handle that. I just don't see why I should bother.”

“Come on, what else were you going to do?” Serena says. Blair grimaces at the echo of Jenny's words.

“Get out, have some fun,” she continues. “And maybe cut Jenny down to size while you're at it.”

It’s tempting; an inside look at the inner circle, a glimpse at how the other half lives. God, she hasn't been to a real sleepover in _years_.

And as has been pointed out, she really doesn’t have anything better to do.

“Okay, I guess I'm going.”

 

Blair chooses her outfit carefully before heading over to the sleepover, wanting to convey both that she doesn't give a shit about this event yet also that she is fashion savvy enough not to be trifled with. So of course the first thing she's greeted with as she steps out of the elevator into the Humphrey penthouse is, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Compared to the other girls she's definitely underdressed, but she knows she looks good. The important thing is to show no fear.

She shrugs off her bag, claiming a space, as she says, “Well, I didn't think I should wear my pajamas on the subway.”

“You also shouldn’t wear jeans to a club,” Penelope says with a sneer. “You didn’t think we were staying here all night, did you?”

Right. Sleepovers have changed a bit since middle school.

“Don’t worry, I can lend you something,” Jenny says before Blair can respond. “You _might_ be able to fit into some of my dresses.”

Blair returns her faux sweet smile, swiftly quashing the prickling of her old insecurities. Jenny Humphrey is a child and Blair is above this. She’s better now.

She lets Jenny lead her up the curving staircase while an actual maid in an actual white cap and apron serves drinks to the other girls.

“Ignore Penelope,” Jenny says as they walk down the hall. “I'm really glad you came.” It's nice in a way that immediately sets Blair on edge. She should probably start marking the exits.

Blair’s expecting the sort of frilly princess room she would have killed for at age twelve, but when Jenny opens her door she's instead greeted by an explosion of color and fabrics, design sketches tacked up on the walls.

“You're pretty serious about fashion,” Blair observes, interested in spite of herself.

“Duh,” says Jenny with a smile. She throws open her closet and Blair is immediately overcome with violent jealousy. She crosses her arms to stop herself running her hands along the rows of silk and taffeta, hanging back as Jenny pulls out some options for her.

She’s made to try on at least a dozen outfits, paraded out for the group’s inspection after each one, but Blair can’t pretend she doesn't enjoy playing dress up. Going through Jenny Humphrey’s cast-offs is as close to shopping at Bergdorfs as she's likely to get. It helps that the dresses do fit her quite nicely, despite the fact that Jenny is stick thin and leggy.

She ends up in something short, silky, and yellow, giving a little twirl for the group’s approval before having a martini thrust into her hand.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Jenny says.

Of course they are. It’s good to know some things transcend age and class.

The opening dares are so basic she honestly might as well be back in middle school. Kati and Iz are dared to make out and though Blair refrains from rolling her eyes she has retained the ability to convey how unimpressed she is through posture alone.

“Truth,” she says, when her turn comes around.

“What's going on with Nate and Serena?” Penelope says with such speed and intensity that Blair is almost embarrassed for her.

“Nothing.” It’s Jenny who says it, eyes sharp. “Or didn't you hear she's out with my brother tonight?”

“Like that's stopped her before,” Penelope says with a sneer. “Come on, Blair. You're her new bestie, right? You must know something.”

Blair shrugs. “Dan’s all she's talked about since she got back. If you're having problems with Nate, it's not her fault.”

Penelope draws back and Jenny gives Blair a look of approval. Blair can’t stand that it warms her. It must be the alcohol.

Eventually the girls get drunk enough to actually consider eating, abandoning the game and gathering around the artfully arranged trays and jars of sweets.

Blair stays on the couch, picking at grapes and sipping her second martini while Jenny texts.

“Secret boyfriend?” she asks, once she’s bored enough to dare.

Jenny gives a little snort, not even bothering to glance up. “Hardly. It's just Eric.”

“Oh? How's he doing?”

That gets Jenny to look at her, eyes narrowing as she tries to gauge how much Blair knows.

With a glance at the other girls to make sure they aren’t paying attention, Blair lowers her voice and says, “Dan let it slip at the Ivy mixer and Serena filled me in on the rest.”

Jenny rolls her eyes. “Ugh, I never should have told him.” She too turns to look at the other girls before saying, “He's okay. Bored, mostly.”

She puts down her phone, cocking her head as she regards Blair. “So how did you and Serena become friends anyway? You didn’t know her before, did you?”

Blair shakes her head. “I found her phone and when I returned it she invited me to your party.”

“You mean the party she wasn’t invited to?”

Blair frowns. “Her mom didn’t know that and insisted that she go.”

“Sounds like Lily,” Jenny says, slumping back against the couch. “So seriously, that was it? She just invited you to my party? Why?”

“I guess she was lonely.” At this point Blair’s stopped imagining any ulterior motives. Serena needed a friend and she chose _her_. She’s might not know why but she’s going to ride it as far as it’ll take her.

“Serves her right,” Jenny mutters.

“You really don’t miss her?” It seems impossible. Blair had felt Serena’s absence and she hadn’t even known her.

“If it were up to me, she would have stayed gone,” Jenny says, reaching for her drink rather than meeting Blair’s eye.

Her phone beeps with another text and Jenny picks that up instead. She laughs when she opens it, then looks back at Blair, clutching her phone as she considers. After a moment she extends it out to her so she can see. Blair leans in and laughs as well at the picture of Eric with the caption ‘SOS, still in prison.’

“Poor kid.”

Jenny’s eyes light up and she leans in too, a slow smile spreading across her face. “I dare you to come jailbreak him with me.”

“Okay,” Blair says, casual and immediate. That was important when dealing with dares. Upon further consideration, she can't see any harm in it. Serena won’t mind, she’s always complaining about her mother keeping him imprisoned. And Eric obviously wants to go, so it’s basically a public service anyway.

Jenny downs the rest of her drink before standing up and Blair follows suit.

“Girls, Blair and I have to go run an errand. We’ll meet you at the club, okay?”

She grabs Blair’s hand and pulls her towards the elevator, snagging a coat along the way. The eyes of the other girls follow them with that potent mix of curiosity and jealousy Blair adores. It’s such a delightful feeling, being in on a secret, having all eyes on you.

The doorman calls them a taxi and they stumble into it, Jenny giving the address for the Ostroff Center.

It’s decided that Blair will provide the distraction and it’s _fun_ , giggling together in the back of the cab as they plot their jailbreak, Jenny messing up Blair’s hair and smearing lipstick across her cheek to get her ‘in character’. It’s all the best things she misses about middle school.

She leans into that giggly head-swimming tipsiness as she enters the Ostroff Center, stumbling up to the front desk and half falling down on it, propping up her head with her hands.

Jenny sneaks in behind her as Blair slurs her way through a conversation with the lady manning the desk. She rattles off the names of every pill she can ever remember seeing in her mother's medicine cabinet in a sing song voice until the woman leaves to call a doctor.

Once she’s out of sight, Blair darts after Jenny towards Eric’s room to tell them the coast is clear. Eric is finishing pulling on his shoes and at Blair’s waving Jenny pulls him up and the three of them run for the exit.

The whole thing is over in a matter of minutes and then they’re all out in the cool fall air, waving down another taxi.

“I can’t believe you came,” Eric says, laughing as they clamber inside.

“Yeah, well I’ve been a pretty sucky friend since high school started, so consider this the start of me trying to fix that,” Jenny says, giving him an awkward half hug in the cramped back seat.

“Oh, this is Blair,” she adds with an elaborate hand wave and a conspiratorial smile. “My partner in crime.”

“Oh, hey! Serena's told me a lot about you.”

Blair smiles, pleased, before realizing she probably looks deranged with her messed up makeup. “Yeah, she's told me a lot about you too."

Jenny produces some tissues and a mini comb from her coat pocket and helps clean her up so that by the time they emerge from the cab Blair no longer looks like a drug addict. The bouncer waves them all in without a word despite the fact that Eric looks about twelve.

It’s packed inside, dark, loud, and sticky with the heat of people dancing so close together. It’s disgusting, but thrilling too. The closest she’s ever come to something like this was Kiss on the Lips, which was still distinctly a high school party. She trails after Jenny, who is walking with purpose towards the bar, pushing through the crowd to get them more martinis.

Blair realizes with discomfort that Serena probably doesn’t want her little brother getting drunk and that trying to exert an authority she does not have to stop him will most likely get her banished as a buzzkill. Thank god, Eric doesn’t ask for a drink and Jenny doesn’t get him one.

They head towards rest of the slumber party, who have already arrived and claimed a well placed couch. On the way, Blair is propositioned by a sleazy stockbroker who she pushes past with an eye roll in time to see a bemused Eric being pulled down onto the couch by the group of squealing girls.

“Oh my god, Eric! Weren’t you in Miami?”

“Home for the weekend,” he says with an awkward smile.

Glancing around, Blair chooses a seat next to Jenny, which is a mistake. She’s barely settled in before Jenny looks over her shoulder then back to Blair with a wicked grin. “I dare you to make out with that guy. And mean it.”

Blair follows Jenny’s head tilt to see the guy who had just hit on her standing with a group of his friends. She wrinkles her nose. “Isn’t it my turn?”

“Is that a no?” Jenny says, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“No. Just reminding you that you owe me two now.”

She hands Jenny her drink and flips her hair over her shoulder as she stands up.

This is actually in her wheelhouse. Apart from the unenjoyable efforts of her disposable seventh grade boyfriend, all of Blair’s kisses have been on dares. She knows the drill.

She’s on him before he knows what’s happening, limiting the time he has to grope her. It’s good practice, she thinks as his tongue slips into her mouth. For when she finally gets a kiss that matters.

His douchey friends all whoop and cheer, none of them noticing her hand slipping into his pocket and snagging his phone.

“I hope Amanda never finds out,” one of them says as she pushes him away, wiping the feel of him off her mouth in the guise of fixing her lipstick.

“Who’s Amanda?” she says, arching an eyebrow.

“Just my girlfriend,” he slurs, dazed and leaning back towards her.

“Well, Amanda never has to know.” She gives him a sweet smile and leaves. All of the girls are watching her now, not just Jenny, and she lets her smug triumph loose in a smile as she approaches.

“I dare you to call his girlfriend,” she says, revealing the stolen phone with a flourish and offering it to Jenny. “Her name’s Amanda.”

With a quirk of an eyebrow and a curling smile, Jenny takes the phone. “Done and done.”

She scrolls through his contacts and makes the call, adopting a ditzy airhead voice and introducing herself as Claire with a sideways glance at Blair. The girlfriend’s shriek is audible even over all the club music and Jenny hangs up with a laugh, dropping the phone and kicking it under the couch for good measure.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing Blair by the arm. “Let's dance.”

 

Blair’s not sure when Dan and Serena arrive. She’s twirling on the dance floor with Jenny in a happy drunken haze when someone grabs her arm and yanks her around, yelling, “Where’s my phone?”

And then Dan is just there, telling the guy to let go of her. Blair barely registers Serena standing behind him before another blonde woman pushes forward right up into her space and yells, “I’m gonna kill you!”

“Oh, you must be Amanda! Are you here to stop your boyfriend from drooling over every girl in this place because I gotta say it passed gross awhile ago.”

The woman lunges at her and it all devolves from there. Serena pulls Amanda back and amidst all the yelling Jenny jumps in to gloat about the call, at which point the guy reaches new heights of skeeziness by almost immediately referring to her as jailbait. Dan tries to punch him and then they’re all getting kicked out.

Dan and Serena waste no time in pulling their younger siblings away to deliver their respective lectures, leaving Blair and the rest of the party milling about in the cold, waiting for the verdict. Blair would’ve thought they’d be pissed that their date was interrupted but they seem to enjoy playing parent.

The van der Woodsens finish first, Eric wandering off to a pretzel stand. Serena meets Blair’s eye and calls her over with a jerk of her head.

“So, I guess you really took my advice to heart,” she says, crossing her arms as Blair reaches her.

“S, I’m sorry,” she says, drunk and pouty. “Eric was bored and wanted to get out and have some fun. I thought you’d be happy.”

“Well, I’m not. I don’t want my little brother going missing and ending up in a bar.”

“I swear I kept an eye on him. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I just can’t believe you would do this.”

Blair shakes her head, worry finally piercing through the alcohol. Is this it? Has she already ruined her new and only friendship? She'd been doing so well.

“It’s not like I was kidnapped,” Eric says, walking back up with his pretzel. “Blair and Jenny were trying to do me a favor."

Serena reaches over to ruffle his hair and sighs. “Yeah, I know. Just, maybe call me next time?”

“Yes, of course,” Blair says, smiling in relief. “Not that there’s going to be a next time.”

Serena smiles back. “I am glad you’re having fun, B.”

Dan walks over, rubbing the back of his neck, while Jenny skips back to the rest of the girls.

“That went well. Have her slumber parties always been like this and I just didn’t notice?”

“Yes, but I think the scale is new,” Serena says.

Dan runs his hand over his face. “She says they’re done and going back to the apartment, so I’m calling that a win.”

He eyes Blair. “So what are you doing here?” Blair doesn’t have the chance to work out how offended she is before he continues. “I didn’t think this was your kind of thing.”

“It’s not,” Blair says automatically. Though who is Dan Humphrey to care if it was?

Before her drunk brain is able to put the words together to vocalize that, Serena touches Dan’s arm and says, “I have to walk Eric back to the Center, so we should probably call it a night.”

“No, I’ll walk with you,” he says. Serena’s smile is blinding.

Blair watches the three of them go, Serena giving her one last parting wave, then returns to the waiting group of girls.

“Come on Blair. Night’s not over yet.”

 

In reality however, the remainder of the night is just more drinking and truth or dare in the Humphrey penthouse, which is significantly less exciting than drinking and truth or dare outside it. Later, when they're all tucked into the luxurious “sleeping bags” laid out in the living room, Penelope already lightly snoring, Jenny rolls closer for some traditional slumber party whispering.

“So. We’ll see you at lunch on Monday?”

Blair debates pretending to be asleep. She’d known she’d done well, but it’s still a surprise to get the invitation. Surely it takes more than one sleepover to become lunchmates with the inner circle. Or perhaps it’s again less about Blair and more about depriving Serena of her company. Either way, it’s safest to decline.

"I’m good where I am, thanks."

“Come on, Blair. You have serious potential. Why waste it?”

“I’m not interested in becoming one of your minions.”

“But you’re fine being Serena’s?”

Blair shifts in her sleeping bag, rolling over to face her. “I’m her friend.”

She can just make out the curve of Jenny’s smile in the dim light coming in down the hall. “Right. Until she gets bored and moves on while you go back to being no one. Is that really what you want?”

It stings more than she’d like to admit. The best mean girls are always able to pinpoint your insecurities. But she’s not even sure Jenny is being mean. There’s no faux-concern or bratty needling. She just sounds honest.

Which is ridiculous. She’s not going to let Jenny Humphrey get to her.

“What I want is to get out of high school, go to Yale, and start my actual life,” she says, turning back over and closing her eyes.

Behind her she hears a soft laugh. “This _is_ your actual life Blair. Trust me, you don’t have to spend it Serena van der Woodsen's shadow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of all the chapters this is the one with the least dair in it so it's all (slowly) uphill from here!


	4. Masquerade

The rest of Dan and Serena’s date must have gone well for come Monday they’re spotted making out in the courtyard before first period. As Gossip Girl observes, it's like the clock’s been turned back to the beginning of sophomore year.

Blair is admittedly a little worried when she sees the post but quickly stomps it down. She is not going to let Jenny Humphrey get into her head. Just because Serena has her boyfriend back doesn’t mean she’s going to leave Blair in the dust.

Still, there’s a twinge of relief at the sight of Serena waiting for her on Met steps at lunch, delighted to fill Blair in on the details of her date and graciously asking for an account of the sleepover in return.

It’s once she’s let her guard down that disaster strikes.

“Hey, do you mind if Dan joins us tomorrow?”

Blair stiffens before plastering on a smile. “Of course not!” It sounds fake to her own ears but it’s not like she has a choice. She’s not stupid; if she asks Serena to choose it is not going to go her way.

She must not be particularly convincing because Serena gives an amused little sigh and says, “Come on, Blair. You’re my two best friends, I just want you to get to know each other.”

So now Dan is inescapable, walking into school with them, meeting them in the halls, and there on the steps for lunch. Serena clearly wants them to be friends, but her every attempt to spark conversation devolves into her and Dan making googly eyes at each other while Blair tries not to gag.

“Be nice,” Serena says when she catches Blair making an exaggerated grimace at the sight of Dan walking towards them.

“Sorry that I'm not thrilled at the prospect of yet again playing third wheel.”

“You could at least _try_ to talk to him.”

“About what? All we have in common is you!” It strikes her as untrue even as she says it, but the single conversation she’d had with Dan that didn’t revolve around Serena was not one she’d like to repeat. Besides, it’s not like Dan is making any particular effort to talk to her either.

Serena might have argued that, but then Dan is there, kissing her cheek, and Blair is rolling her eyes again.

 

Either Serena actually takes her complaints to heart or Dan gets tired of Blair’s snide comments because they do stop spending every possible second together. Granted, much of the time Blair and Serena are alone is spent _talking_ about Dan, but it’s still an improvement.

The two of them are headed out to lunch when they’re approached by Penelope, flanked by Kati and Iz.

“Serena. Blair. I noticed you haven’t RSVP’d for my party next Friday.”

Blair and Serena exchange a confused glance before Serena says, “I didn’t know we were invited.”

“Of course you are!” Penelope says, like she hasn’t spent the past month trash talking her. “I know we’ve had our differences, but now you’re with Dan, and Nate and I are very happy, so I want to put all that in the past. Don’t you?”

Serena gets the look of vague discomfort she does whenever anyone brings up Nate, but says, “Yeah. Of course.”

“Great! I’ll see you both there then. It’s a masquerade. Very classy. Strictly upperclassmen only.”

Blair raises an eyebrow. Jenny Humphrey must be taking that as a personal attack which, to be fair, it definitely was. In fact, she wouldn’t be surprised if Penelope was only inviting them to ensure that _everyone_ but Jenny would be there. Good on her for finally going on offense.

 

“I think it sounds fun,” Blair says that afternoon while they're painting their toenails at the loft. If Vanessa were here she’d surely rage against the bourgeois classism displayed by events such as these and Blair would agree but find the idea horribly romantic anyway. She already has a silver opera mask she’d found at a vintage store downtown ages ago and bought immediately despite the impracticality.

“Yeah, it does. I just don’t know if I’ll be able to get Dan on board. He thinks this kind of thing is pretentious.”

Blair snorts. “I don’t think Humphrey is allowed to dismiss anything as pretentious.”

“He's not that bad.”

“Oh come on, you have to give me this one. He’s the type of guy who’d insist on using a typewriter for an authentic writing experience.”

Serena is suspiciously quiet.

“Oh my god, does he have a typewriter?”

“In his defense, it was a gift.”

Blair cackles and Serena holds back for a moment out of loyalty before joining in.

“Well, what about you?” Serena asks, pushing at Blair with her foot.

“What about me?”

“Who are you going with?”

Blair frowns at her. “No one? Who would I go with?”

“I don’t know. But we could totally get you a date if you wanted one.”

“Sure, just pick one up at the store,” Blair says shaking her head. She can feel her face getting hot and refocuses on her toes, hoping Serena doesn’t notice. She really does not want to get into her embarrassingly scant dating history.

“I’m serious,” Serena says, sitting up straight as if to prove it. “Come on, who do you like? What’s your type?”

_Nate_ , she thinks. But she can’t say that. So she gives a little groan and says, “I don’t want to deal with high school boys.”

“Okay Cher. Believe it or not, some of them aren’t that bad.”

“Well none have caught my interest,” she says, focus still firmly on her toenails.

“Alright,” Serena says and Blair lets out a breath of relief.

 

That weekend they go shopping. Blair takes Serena to her favorite little vintage boutiques, searching for items to make up their costumes. Serena loves it and makes it her mission to make Blair laugh by trying on the most ridiculous things she can find.

They’re side by side, pawing through a rack of dresses when Serena says, “Oh, I found you a date.” It takes Blair a moment to register she’s no longer talking about clothes.

“What?”

“For the masquerade. His name is Edward Abott IV.”

“The _forth_?”

Serena gives her a look like she’s being unreasonably dramatic. It might have come off better if she wasn’t wearing a gigantic feathered hat. “Yes. Kati gave me his address and I chatted with him a bit online.”

“ _Online_?” Blair splutters. “He could be a serial killer.”

“I saw his profile picture, he looks really cute.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not a serial killer. If his picture’s even real.”

Serena rolls her eyes. “He’s a senior at Dalton and is on like all of their sports teams. I may not have met him but I know a bunch of people who know him. He’s real.”

“And you want me to date him,” Blair says, still trying to wrap her mind around it.

“I want you to go on _a_ date with him,” Serena says. “If you don’t like him you never have to see him again. And hey, since it’s a masquerade you could probably lose him pretty easily if he _really_ sucks.”

Blair grants that a little smile.

“Come on,” Serena wheedles. “It could be fun. And think of all the double dates we could go on if it works out!”

There’s a good chance Serena’s only pushing this so Blair will be occupied and leave her and Dan alone, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It’s not like she enjoys trailing after Serena like a lost puppy. It might be nice to have her own thing. Just because she hasn’t really dated before doesn’t mean she can’t.

And if it works out she’ll have a _boyfriend_. A reportedly handsome and undoubtedly rich boyfriend. The thought sends flutters through her stomach.

“Okay, fine,” she says, sighing like she’s making a great concession.

“Yay!” Serena’s excited bouncing causes her hat to slide down over her eyes.

Blair laughs and removes it for her, tossing it aside as they continue their search.

 

“Okay, so we’re meeting him outside,” Serena tells Blair in the cab on the way to the party.

“Who is this guy again?” Dan asks from where he’s sitting on Serena’s other side, half swallowed by the skirt of her voluminous yellow dress. He himself has put the absolute minimum amount of effort into his costume, wearing a black suit with a simple black mask.

“The guy I’m setting Blair up with. Edward Abott IV.”

“The _forth_?”

Blair bristles at his tone, which is admittedly much the same as the one she’d used to say the exact same thing. But that had been before she’d agreed to this; what right does Dan have to criticize _her_ date?

Serena responds with the same exasperated affection she’d used with Blair. “You can’t hold that against him. It’s not like he named himself.”

“Of course not, that was Edward Abott III.”

Serena hits him playfully with her mask. “Be nice. We want Blair to like him.”

Dan shoots Blair a look over Serena’s shoulder and Blair gives a noncommittal little shrug in response. There’s no need to give Dan ammunition for an “I told you so” in case the guy turns out to be as much of an asshole as his name implies.

Honestly, she’s more worried she’ll actually like him and he’ll be unimpressed with her. Who could blame him with Serena as their intermediary? Blair can’t live up to _that_.

Those fears at least turn out to be unfounded.

It starts out well enough. They find him waiting for them outside the venue when they arrive, just as promised. He’s already wearing his mask so she doesn’t get the full effect, but he’s tall, has good hair, a nice smile, and, unlike Dan, seems to have actually put effort into his costume.

Serena greets him with a wave and he walks up to meet them.

“Serena, hi! It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too!” She pulls Dan forward and gives his arm a little hug. “This is my boyfriend, Dan.”

They shake hands, then he finally turns to her. “And you must Blair.”

“That’s right.” She twirls the stem of her opera mask and hopes she’s coming off as poised.

“I’m Edward. Shall we?”

He offers her his arm, which pleases her immensely. She can’t see Dan’s face but he’s rolling his eyes. She just knows.

The inside of the party is rather a disappointment. Blair had been expecting glamour and grandeur but instead it’s all dark and smokey and full of fake feathers. It is atmospheric and does manage to generate some mystery, but dim lighting can only do so much. That’s still clearly Nate staring into space in a Phantom of the Opera costume and Chuck prowling the edges of the party dressed like the devil. The top 40s pop playing over everything doesn’t help.

“Let’s go dance!” Serena says, leading them to the dance floor and giving Blair an encouraging nod as she twirls away with Dan.

“Would you like a drink?” Edward asks. He doesn’t seem at all nervous and she attempts to tamp down her own nerves in response.

“All right.” They make their way to the refreshments table and he grabs her a glass of champagne.

“It’s Waldorf, right? Like the hotel?”

“Yeah. Like that.” It’s easy to assume a name like Waldorf has money in it and two years at Constance has taught Blair it’s easier to just go with it.

“Do you know Peter Baxter then? I met him at this boat party a few weeks ago, it was a crazy time.” He proceeds to regale Blair with tales from said party, which soon reminds him of this other party, and so on. He seems to require no actual input from her and over the course of what honestly feels like several straight hours gives Blair his yacht specifications, his father’s quarterly earnings, a play by play of his latest lacrosse game, and the names and approximate net worths of everyone in his social circle, all completely unprompted. Blair only wishes Vanessa were here to bear witness to the inanity.

She’s nodding along mindlessly when someone comes up behind her and touches her arm.

“Blair, have you seen Serena? I can't find her.”

She never imagined she’d ever be so glad to see Dan Humphrey. “You can’t? Oh my god, I'll help you look.”

“Uh, you don’t have t-” Dan says, glancing between her and Edward before Blair cuts him off.

“Of course I do!” She turns back to Edward, barely bothering to fake apology. “Friend emergency. You understand.”

She walks away before he can respond, Dan trailing behind her.

“So I take it the date isn’t going well.”

“Don’t sound so smug,” Blair says, elbowing past a girl whose ludicrous headdress is dripping into her field of vision. “It was your girlfriend that picked him out.”

“Yeah, she’s dated enough guys like that you’d think she’d know better.” He doesn’t even have the decency to sound judgemental enough for her to admonish him.

“Yes, I’d say her taste in men is definitely questionable.” To her annoyance, Dan chuckles. “How’d you lose her anyway?” she asks.

“Went off to get drinks.”

“Well she must be here somewhere. God, would it have killed Penelope to light this place properly?”

She swerves past a couple making out, oblivious to the rest of the world, and catches a glimpse of blonde curls and a yellow dress.

“There!” She grabs Dan’s hand to tug him in the right direction and they push their way to the edge of the room.

They’re just in time to see Serena pull Nate down into a kiss. A long kiss.

Blair stands frozen in shock until she feels Dan pull away from her, retreating back into the crowd. Automatically she moves to follow him, her head swimming. It just doesn’t make sense. Serena seemed so happy with Dan. But then, she’d seemed happy with Dan the last time too.

Dan barely had a head start on her yet she’s already lost him in the crowd. She thinks he was heading towards the exit but he stands out a lot less than Serena did. It’s hard to say.

A group of girls tripping over the hems of their long dresses cuts her off and she doesn’t even bother trying to push through them. Why is she following Dan anyway? What could she possibly say? The last time she’d gone after him she’d just ended up spilling her own guts out and that is not something she ever wants to repeat. But even that would be better than going back to Edward and pretending to care about his new BMW. And god, what about Serena? What is she going to say to Serena?

As if summoned, Serena emerges through the pack of girls, face brightening when she sees her. “Blair! There you are! Have you seen Dan?”

“Yeah. And we saw you.” She has no idea what tone to take, swinging wildly from friendly to cold and ending up confused.

“What?”

Something’s not right. Unless she can teleport, Serena should have come from behind her, not in front. And she doesn’t look guilty in the slightest, Blair can see the confusion written all over her face...wait. “Where’s your mask?”

“Huh?”

“Your mask?” Blair repeats, waving her own mask back and forth by the stem.

“Oh, I gave it Jenny. She asked and I’m trying to get her to like me again, so,” she shrugs.

“Jenny’s _here_?”

“Yeah, I just saw her in the bathroom. Blair, what-”

“Was she by any chance wearing a yellow dress?”

“Yeah?”

She’s getting impatient but Blair has to take a moment before saying anything. It’s crazy, but in a messed up way it makes sense. She takes a deep breath.

“Dan and I just saw you kissing Nate.” The look on Serena’s face is enough to convince Blair she’s right, so before Serena can begin her denial she continues, “But it must have been Jenny.”

“Oh my god. You thought I kissed Nate? _Dan_ thinks I kissed Nate?”

“She obviously did everything she could to look like you, and from a distance...”

“Oh my god.” Serena runs a hand through her tightly curled hair, dislodging some of the pins. “Where is he? I have to explain.”

Blair sighs, resigned to what she’s about to do. “Let me talk to him. I doubt he’s in any mood to hear an explanation from you right now.” Serena’s still searching for Dan in the crowd, itching to go after him, so Blair touches her arm to refocus her. “Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything. You go straighten things out with Nate and find Jenny before she can do any more damage.”

Serena’s eyes widen as that sinks in and she nods. “Okay. Thanks, B.”

Blair gives her arm a squeeze of encouragement before withdrawing her hand and resuming her pursuit of Dan.

 

As she suspected, she finds him outside. He’s leaning against the wall of the building, a few yards away from all the drunk people who’d come out to smoke, mask dangling from his hands.

“Well, the good news is Serena didn’t kiss Nate,” Blair says as she joins him. “The bad news is your sister is a psycho.”

That gets his attention and he puts his brooding on hold to look at her.

“She found a dress that looked like Serena’s, stole her mask in the bathroom, kissed Nate, and god knows what else. It was her we saw, not Serena.”

Blair gets he’ll need time to process but after watching his expression go through confusion and shock only to settle right back into brooding she gets impatient. “I swear it’s true. Serena’s inside looking for Jenny right now. The only reason she's not out here is that I didn't want you yelling at her.”

Dan finally responds with, “Yeah, that was a good call.”

Blair frowns. “You’re not still mad at her.”

“No, I-” He gives a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “It's a _masked ball_ and I didn't even consider it might not be what it looked like.”

“No one can blame you for assuming. I thought it was her too.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t even surprised. I just thought, _Oh, of course_.”

“Well get over it,” she snaps. “Do you have any idea how many hours I’ve spent listening to her gush about you? She is so stupid in love with you, don’t screw it up over something she didn’t even do.”

“But she _did_. I know it was a long time ago and she says she’s changed but-” he shakes his head. “I thought I could put it behind me but I can’t. I don’t trust her.”

Blair is not equipped to deal with this. Their relationship has confused her from the start and she has no investment in keeping them together. But Serena does, and she’s her best friend, so Blair can’t just stand by and let her boyfriend talk himself out of their relationship. That’s basically illegal.

“You love each other right? And you want it to work?” He levels a look at her that she stubbornly takes as assent. “I’m sure if you just pretend everything’s fine, eventually, someday it will be.”

He snorts. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what my parents did and now two kids and two decades later they’re living in separate countries and are both positive the other is cheating on them.”

Blair can’t really argue that one. It’s not like ignoring the problem worked out for her parents either.

There’s a moment of quiet as they watch drunk party goers stumble around the sidewalk. She sighs. “Just don’t be an asshole about it.”

He smiles a little, still looking out across the sidewalk. “You’re a good friend.”

She doesn’t know if that means she made a difference but appreciates the acknowledgement that she tried.

It’s not a bad silence that follows but Blair’s still grateful when Serena finally makes it outside, dragging Jenny along behind her. She watches Dan out of the corner of her eye so she doesn’t miss his expression at the sight of his sister and his girlfriend with their matching curls and yellow dresses. She wants to take a picture and frame it so she can take it out and laugh for years to come.

“Dan!” Serena says, rushing over at the sight of him. “I’m so sorry this happened, you know I-”

“Yeah, I know,” he says, pushing off the wall to meet her. “Blair explained everything.”

Serena sags in relief, turning to Blair with a thank you.

“No problem,” she says, trying to smile. She’s not sure how much good she’s really done, but disaster has at least been momentarily delayed.

Dan turns his attention to his sister. “What the hell, Jen?”

“I'm sorry, okay?” Jenny says, barely bothering to sound contrite. “I swear I wasn't trying to mess up your relationship. I just wanted to get back at Penelope.”

“For not inviting you to a party? That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“And for what she did to Eric at the Ivy mixer!”

Dan and Serena both soften a bit at that and Blair rolls her eyes. Weak, the both of them.

“So you decided to dress up as your brother’s girlfriend to kiss Penelope’s boyfriend?” Blair says, affecting confusion. “And you didn’t see how that might damage their relationship?”

“Well, I knew Nate would be willing to kiss _Serena_ ,” Jenny says innocently.

That ratchets the tension back up to Blair’s satisfaction.

“Jenny, this is so far beyond not okay,” Dan says.

Jenny gives a little sigh. “I guess I should also probably tell you I locked Chuck Bass up on the roof without any of his clothes.”

Dan tries and utterly fails to contain his amusement and Blair can’t help but be impressed. She’d be surprised if Jenny gets any real punishment at all.

“We’re talking about this when we get home,” Dan says in a last ditch attempt at maintaining authority. He leads Jenny to the curb and hails a cab.

Serena turns to Blair. “I'm gonna share a ride with them. You'll be okay getting home?”

“Yeah, I'll be fine.” Serena gives her hand a squeeze before joining the Humphreys. Blair waves them off and is left standing alone on the sidewalk, debating between going back to the party and calling a cab of her own. She has no desire to rejoin Edward but it seems a shame to abandon what is most likely the only masquerade she’ll ever attend.

She’s still undecided when Nate wanders out, lost in thought and very alone. Her hand flutters around her hair, which feels to be still safely secured by its pins, before approaching him.

“Nate?”

It takes him a second to focus on her then another to place her. “It’s Blair, right? Serena’s friend?”

Blair nods, pleased he remembers, even if it is only by association.

“Is Serena’s still here?”

“No, she just left with Dan.”

“Right. Of course.”

She wonders what, if anything, Serena said to him. He must know it was Jenny. He has kissed Serena before and Blair would hope he’d be able to tell the difference. But for a moment, even if it was just a second, he must have thought Serena wanted to kiss him. And he’d kissed her back.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says in the tone of someone who says it so often it’s become habit. “It’s just been a weird night.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He looks at her considering, and for a moment she thinks he might actually say yes. But then-

“Nate! What are you doing out here?”

Penelope storms towards them, heels skittering across the sidewalk.

“I just needed some air.”

“Well you completely missed the unmasking.”

“Sorry,” Nate says, automatic.

“Where have you even been all night? I’ve barely seen you!”

“It is a masquerade,” Blair snarks.

“Excuse you, this is a private conversation,” Penelope says, throwing a glare at her.

“Look, let’s just go back inside,” Nate says. He sounds so tired.

“No, we are not done here,” Penelope snaps, showing more backbone than Blair would have credited her with. “You were supposed to come find me. I’m your _girlfriend_. You haven’t spent any time with me tonight and it’s like you don’t even care.”

Blair can see the _I don’t_ written all over him. Either Penelope can’t or she won’t because it only takes a moment for her to stop searching his face for answers and look away. When she looks back it’s with a brittle smile.

“You’re right. The night’s not over yet, we should enjoy it.”

She has to reach out to grab Nate’s hand from where it’s dangling at his side. To Blair’s surprise, he looks back as Penelope drags him toward the party.

“You coming?”

Blair shakes her head. “My date’s not worth it.”

She thinks he almost smiles.

It’s getting cold out on the curb. She looks up the street for a cab and thankfully spots one sitting at the light. She flags it down and gets in, feeling oddly flat. The night had felt so full of possibility when it started - she’d actually been looking forward to it - and now it’s just empty. It wasn’t that nothing had happened, in fact the masquerade had more than lived up to its potential for drama, it was that nothing had happened to _her_. Heading back to Brooklyn with nothing but gossip about other people, it feels like nothing ever will.


	5. Blair's Birthday

Two days after the masquerade, Serena shows up at the loft looking slightly shell shocked.

“Dan broke up with me.”

Despite everything Dan had said, Blair doesn’t have to fake her surprise. She’s not conceited enough to think she'd managed to change his mind, but she had thought he’d talk himself out of it. Even after everything, it seemed impossible he’d ever let Serena go.

“He’s an idiot.”

Serena gives her a soft smile. “Thanks, B.”

She settles on the couch and Blair cautiously sits next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

To her relief, Serena shakes her head. “Distract me? You know, ice cream, movies, the whole deal.”

“You got it,” Blair says, smiling as she gets up to dig the hidden carton of ice cream out of the back of the freezer.

“Nate came to see me at the hotel,” Serena confesses halfway through _Gentlemen Prefer Blondes_. “Nothing happened,” she clarifies before Blair even has time for an eyebrow raise. “He's going through some family stuff and just needed someone to talk to. But what if Dan found out and that's the reason he called things off? Do you think I should explain?”

“If it was, I'm sure Humphrey wouldn't have missed the opportunity to throw it in your face during the break up.”

“It wasn't like that,” Serena insists. “He was nice about it. We’re still going to be friends.” She sighs. “I guess I should've known we couldn't make things go back to the way they were before. At least not so soon.”

“It just wasn't the right time,” Blair assures her. “I would be shocked if this was actually the end of you.”

“Yeah. We’re bound to get it right eventually.”

She loops her arm through Blair’s and rests her head on her shoulder as they watch Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe make a room full of jaws drop just by walking into it.

 

Any suspicions Blair may have had about Nate being over to “talk about his family problems” are dispelled the next week when said family’s name is splashed all over the papers, complete with a picture of Nate's father being led away in handcuffs. His name is linked to embezzlement and fraud, but rumor has it that the initial arrest was made because he'd been seen hitting his son.

Dan and Chuck are both stubbornly there for him, though they seem to spend most of their time sniping at each other. Their combined efforts do afford Nate some privacy, with the added benefit of putting to bed some of the rumors that Dan and Nate still hate each other.

Blair gets some inside scoop from Serena, who is also spending more time with Nate now, albeit out of the public eye.

“I just had no idea things were so bad. None of us did,” she says. Blair hopes Jenny Humphrey is feeling appropriately guilty for what she put him through.

With all the drama surrounding Nate and the break up, Serena clearly needs a distraction and Blair is not above using that to her advantage.

“Next week is your _birthday_?” Serena squeals when Blair not so subtly mentions it over lunch. “Oh my god, what are we doing?”

“Well I didn’t really have any plans...”

“You _have_ to have a party. Let me plan it! Please?”

Blair smiles. “I mean, if you insist.”

“Of course I do! Don't worry, I'll take care of everything. Oh, this'll be so much fun!”

 

Serena throws herself into party planning with more enthusiasm than Blair could have hoped for. Concerningly, she refuses to share many details, insisting it be a surprise. Blair’s not sure she trusts Serena’s taste but can hardly complain about a free Upper East Side party being thrown in her honor. Serena even takes her shopping to buy her a birthday dress.

By the day of the party she’s actually excited, more than she has been for a birthday since she was a child. When her phone rings she assumes it’s Serena calling with some last minute details and picks up without looking.

“Happy birthday!”

Blair freezes at the sound of the familiar voice.

“Vanessa?”

Of course Blair had called her on _her_ birthday, but that was months ago and it had gone straight to voicemail. She hadn’t even considered she might hear from her today.

“Duh. Hey, is Eleanor still obsessed with those weird green chips? I have a craving.”

Blair grabs the bag automatically. It wasn’t uncommon for Vanessa to drop by unexpectedly asking for food or a book, clambering up the fire escape and through Blair’s window at all hours. But of course, that had been when she’d lived within walking distance.

“Less obsessed and more convinced they’ll do the least damage if I ever get the urge to start snacking.” She drops the bag because really, she’s being ridiculous. But she walks toward her room because Vanessa’s tone, so overly casual it borders on teasing, might as well have been engineered to make her suspicious.

It’s still a shock to open her door and see Vanessa perched on her window sill, her smile huge as she clicks her phone shut.

“Surprise!” she says, bouncing up to wrap Blair in a hug. It’s familiar in the best way, like she’s a kid again, when hugs were easy and uncomplicated. She hugs her back, some of Vanessa’s loose curls tickling her cheek.

“What are you doing here?” Blair asks, stepping back to look her over. Vanessa’s fashion sense has clearly deteriorated in her months away from Blair's influence, but she’s still gorgeous in the unaffected way Blair’s always been jealous of.

“Ruby’s band has a show this weekend and since it's your birthday, I thought I'd come in and surprise you both!” she says, laughing at Blair’s inspection. “Today I’m all yours though. I thought we could go catch a movie then I'll treat you to dinner, maybe some drinks? Or, are there are any new art installations you want to go see? I'm seriously so culture starved in Vermont.”

Blair feels pinpricks of anger returning as the past year of separation hits her in a wave. Who is Vanessa to just swan in like nothing has changed and assume Blair’s birthday is free and hers for the arranging? “Actually I already have plans. My friend Serena is throwing me a party.” She takes a vicious satisfaction at the look on Vanessa’s face. “You’re welcome to come, of course.”

Vanessa frowns as the name comes back to her. “Serena? You mean the girl all over that stupid gossip site you showed me?”

“That's the one,” Blair says brightly.

“Why is _she_ throwing you a party?”

“I told you, we’re friends.”

“Uh, okay,” Vanessa says, smiling like if she takes it as a joke it’ll become one.

Blair turns and heads back out to the kitchen, looking for a bowl to put the chips in. “So how’s Vermont?”

Vanessa allows the subject change, giving her all the details of her family’s vegan hippie lifestyle and laughing at Blair’s horrified faces.

“It’s really not that bad,” she assures her.

“If you say so.”

Eleanor comes home and Vanessa greets her with a wide smile and a hug, easier with her than Blair ever manages to be. She asks about the boutique and tells her about her parents and doesn’t bring up Harold, not once. Vanessa always got along better with Blair’s father, just like Blair did, yet here she is, acting like this is all normal. It's infuriating, not least because Blair can’t bring it up herself without then having to talk about it, which she has absolutely no desire to do.

After a few minutes of silent fuming, Blair excuses herself to go get ready for her party.

“Nice dress,” Vanessa says upon joining her.

Blair can hear Vanessa’s raised eyebrows in her tone and gives a moment of thanks that the price tag is safely in the trash can, away from prying eyes. “Thank you. It was a gift.”

She gets herself changed first than insists on choosing an outfit for Vanessa, who vetos several options before they settle on an acceptable dress-jacket combo. Blair’s always loved playing dress up and Vanessa has always gone along with bemused reluctance so their back and forth is familiar, staving off all their avoided conversations.

Before they leave, her mother gives her a pretty silver bracelet that goes well with her dress, kissing her cheek and wishing her happy birthday. It’s sweet.

“It seems like she’s mellowed,” Vanessa says once they’re out the door, evaporating any warm fuzzy feelings Blair might have had. So what, Eleanor did one nice thing. Vanessa has listened to Blair complain about her for _years_. Just because she hasn’t been around to hear it anymore doesn't mean anything’s changed.

“Yes, the divorce has done wonders for her,” she snaps, brushing past her and down the stairs before Vanessa can comment.

 

The party is being held at Kati’s brother’s apartment, which worried Blair until she actually sees it - huge and colorfully lit, already packed with people.

“Wow.” Vanessa says, but she sounds far from impressed

Blair tries not to let her discomfort show as she leads them in. It’s a great party, like one she might see written up in a magazine, but there’s little indication it’s for _her_. She doesn’t even see anyone she recognizes until Serena comes flying towards her in a cloud of blonde hair and gives her a huge hug.

“Happy birthday, B!” She pulls away, keeping her hands on Blair's shoulders. “You look so pretty! Do you like it? I got Kati and Iz to help a lot.” She cranes her neck trying to spot them in the crowd. Blair follows her gaze to see the two waving at her in matching schoolgirl sailor uniforms. They yell happy birthday in unison as Blair waves back in thanks. _See Vanessa, they know me. They like me. I’ve been fine without you._

“It's amazing, thank you,” Blair says and Serena gives her another quick hug. “This is my friend Vanessa,” she adds when Serena lets her go, gesturing between them. “Vanessa, Serena.”

“Nice to meet you, it's so great you could come!” Serena says, showing no sign of recognition. Blair has mentioned Vanessa to her but rarely by name, so it’s hardly surprising she fails to grasp the significance. She grabs Blair’s hand, ignoring Vanessa as she says, “Come on B, I have so much to show you.”

Blair knows it’s petty, but she lets herself get dragged away without a backwards glance.

Serena leads her on a tour through the party, introducing her as the birthday girl to a procession of people she vaguely recognizes from school. It’s almost a relief to see the familiar faces of the Humphreys, newly arrived and shedding their coats.

“Happy birthday!” Jenny says, still radiating cold from outside as she gives Blair a quick hug that she’s too startled to return.

“I’m glad you guys could make it,” says Serena, eyes on Dan.

“Yeah,” he says, utterly failing to do anything to prevent the specter of their breakup from rising up and joining the festivities.

“Uh, looks like a great party,” he offers eventually.

“Thanks,” Serena and Blair say simultaneously, which does nothing to improve the situation.

“I was just showing Blair around,” Serena says, beginning to back away.

“Right. I guess we’ll see you later,” Dan says. He nods to Blair. “Happy birthday.”

Blair thinks she hears Jenny giggle behind them as they turn and walk away.

“Ugh, could that have been any more awkward?” Serena groans.

Blair pats her arm consolingly. “You guys just broke up. Give it time.”

Serena nods, tossing her hair back and leading her to the bar. She makes Blair do a few rounds of birthday shots then pulls her onto the dance floor, twirling her until she’s breathless and dizzy. Blair draws the line at Guitar Hero, having no desire to embarrass herself, leaving Serena to play and wandering off, pleasantly tipsy. She’s considering stopping by the sushi bar when she stumbles into Vanessa.

“Can I talk to you?” she asks, voice clipped. Her arms are crossed over her chest and Blair can feel the awful weight of her judgement.

“I was actually going to get some food, so...” She tries to brush past her but is immediately cut off, Vanessa grabbing her arm. It’s her _birthday_ , she shouldn’t have to deal with this.

“Now, Blair.”

She gets dragged into an empty bedroom and jerks away from Vanessa’s grip, sitting down on the bed with a bratty huff.

Vanessa closes the door and turns to survey her. “Blair, what are you doing?”

“I'm _trying_ to have fun and celebrate my birthday with my friends.”

Vanessa scoffs. “Those people out there are not your friends.”

“Did you actually talk to any of them or just see a designer label and judge from there?”

“Actually I went by everything _you_ told me about them because, unless I’m mistaken, a year ago you couldn’t stand these people.”

“Well, things change.”

“Obviously,” Vanessa says, eyes flicking over Blair’s new dress and matching heels. “Since when have you been into all this rich girl bullshit?”

“Since always! Who isn’t?” she bursts out. Vanessa’s tirades about the Upper East Side may have come from genuine disdain but Blair’s have always been rooted in jealousy. “God, why do you have to be such a buzzkill.”

“Forgive me for worrying about you.” She shakes her head like a disappointed parent. “Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried hanging out with girls like that? You were sick, Blair.”

Blair is left breathless for a moment, even though she’s been expecting this since they got here. Of _course_ Vanessa would throw middle school back in her face, of _course_ she would think Blair’s backsliding. Blair hates that she can’t even blame her for it. “I'm better now,” she says coldly. “And you need to trust that.”

“It’s _them_ I don’t trust. Serena and-“

“You don’t even know her,” Blair snaps. “She’s actually a really good person.”

“I know enough about girls like her to know you’re making a mistake.”

Blair stands up, nails biting into her palm. “I am sorry I had the audacity to make friends with the people I go to school with instead of staying a bitter, judgemental loser like you. Trust me, I tried it and it sucked.”

Vanessa is quiet for a moment, then soft, too soft, says, “It's not my fault my parents decided to move to Vermont, Blair.”

Ridiculously, Blair feels tears welling up hot behind her eyes. She can’t let Vanessa see her cry, she can’t, so she bites out, “Well, maybe you should have stayed there,” and stomps out, slamming the door behind her.

The party is in full swing, happy strangers laughing as they drink and dance. Blair takes a breath before pushing her way through the crowd towards the balcony, stepping out into the cold November air.

It takes her a moment of willing back tears before she notices someone else is out there too.

“Oh, hey. Uh, happy birthday,” says Nate, underdressed in jeans and a hoodie. Then again, Serena had been wearing a glorified t-shirt dress, so maybe Blair is the one out of line with the dress code.

“Thanks,” she says, straightening under his attempt at a smile and trying to return one of her own.

She must not be very successful because he asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just had a fight with a friend,” she says, making a vague hand motion in an attempt to wave it off.

“Serena?”

“No,” she snaps. “I do have more than one friend.”

Nate gives her an apologetic grin. “Right, sorry.” He has _such_ a nice smile.

She joins him at the railing, turning her back to the party. “It’s stupid. She always thinks she knows what’s best for me, but just because she was right _once_ doesn’t mean she’s right now.”

Nate nods. “Yeah, I get that. Apparently what’s best for me is Dartmouth and Penelope.”

“Apparently?”

“I’m supposed to be making up with her tonight. My dad thinks it’ll be good for business or something. I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

“So that's why you're hiding out here?”

“Pretty much.” He sighs and she can see his breath on the air. “I want to help out my family, but I know breaking up with her was the right thing to do.”

Blair raises her eyebrows. She hadn’t known he’d broken up with Penelope. It must have gotten lost among all the other drama.

Nate shifts to face her. “I just - if I do this now, when does it stop?”

He’s looking at her like he actually wants answers, so she gives him one. “When you stop it. You should be with the people you want to be with, Nate. And no offense, but from what I’ve heard about your dad, he doesn’t deserve the loyalty.”

Nate smiles. “Yeah, that’s what Dan said.”

“Well, I guess he can be right sometimes,” Blair says with a sniff.

They watch the lights of cars zoom past along the distant highway, the wind threatening to ruin Blair's hair. She shivers. “I should get back to my party.”

“I think I’ll stay out here. Think things over.”

“Okay.”

She pushes off the railing to go, but he stops her with a, “Thanks Blair.”

She nods, warmth spreading inside her, and rejoins the party. Her eyes immediately find Penelope, who now that she thinks about it looks even pissier than usual and is in the middle of tearing down some freshman. A few feet behind her, Chuck Bass is eyeing a girl at the edge of the dance floor, drinking alone. Blair feels a sudden pang of guilt for abandoning Vanessa at the start of the party. Who knows what she ran into.

“Blair! I've been looking everywhere for you!” It's Serena, who loops her arm through Blair's with a grin. “Having fun?”

Blair forces a smile. “Yeah! The party’s amazing.”

“Oh, I’m so glad! Come on, you don’t look drunk enough.”

She leads her towards the bar but is brought up short by the sight of Dan, talking animatedly to Vanessa. Blair had assumed she’d left but not only is she still here, she’s _smiling_.

“She’s really pretty, isn’t she?” Serena says faintly.

“She's a big Lincoln Hawk fan,” Blair offers apologetically. “I'm sure it's nothing.”

“No, it's fine,” Serena says, though it very clearly isn't. “We're broken up, he can do whatever he wants.”

Vanessa says something and Dan laughs, shaking his head a little. Blair looks between them and Serena, an idea forming. “You should go challenge her to Guitar Hero. Tell her I told you she's really good.”

Serena tilts her head and smiles. “You know what, I think I will.”

Vanessa looks wary as she approaches but few can withstand the full force of Serena's charm and she soon lets herself be pulled away.

Blair joins Dan at the bar, arms crossed. “Isn't it a little soon for you to be trawling for hookups?”

“Chill, Waldorf, we were just talking. She’s cool.”

Yes, she was. Always ever so much cooler than Blair. “She lives in Vermont,” she informs him.

“Well, as I said, it was only a conversation.”

She sniffs as if she doubts it, but Dan just smiles.

“Care for a dance?” She looks at him incredulously and he tilts his head towards the dance floor. “Come on, this way you'll be able to keep an eye on me.”

He’s teasing, but with Serena occupied it’s not as though she has anything better to do. She shrugs. “I'd need another drink to even consider it.”

They end up not dancing but staying together by the bar, Dan making wry comments about their drunken classmates and looking far to pleased with himself whenever Blair lets slip even the slightest sign of amusement.

Luckily, she’s in the midst of rolling her eyes when Serena finds them, accompanied by beautifully decorated, three tiered cake topped with seventeen candles. She starts off a chorus of Happy Birthday and soon everyone is crowded around, for once all the attention fully on Blair. Delightful as it is, she can’t help scanning the crowd of unfamiliar faces for Vanessa. She isn’t singing, but she gives Blair a small smile when their eyes meet.

The song finishes and Blair blows out her candles with Serena right beside her, hands clasped in excitement. Blair hopes she’s right about her, wishes it as she blows out the last of the little flames.

Vanessa’s watching so Blair makes a point to eat her entire slice of cake, even the elaborate frosting flower. Once she’s done, Serena whirls her through more drinks and the opening of a small pile of uniformly impersonal but expensive presents, followed by several entreaties to stay just a little bit longer once Blair notes how late it’s getting.

“You liked the party, right? You had fun?” Serena asks for the dozenth time.

“Of course. This has been the best birthday ever,” Blair assures her, and maybe it’s the alcohol but it feels true. She give Serena a hug and another heartfelt thank you before finally heading out.

Vanessa catches up to her in the hallway. “Wanna share a cab back to Brooklyn?” 

Blair gives a curt nod and walks to the elevator, Vanessa trailing after her. The street is busy with other departing party goers but most of them have their own drivers so finding a cab is easy enough.

Vanessa gives the address and for several blocks they're quiet, Blair watching the lights pass through the window. She wonders idly how Nate's getting on.

“So I talked to Serena,” Vanessa says eventually. “She seems cool.”

“She is,” Blair says, still looking out the window.

She hears Vanessa shifting in her seat, trying to catch her eye. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you. It was all just so unexpected.”

“You've been gone awhile. Things change.”

“I know. And of course I want you to make new friends. I just worry about you. Always have.”

She sounds so earnest, Blair feels like crying again. She looks down at her lap to make sure Vanessa can’t see her expression reflected in the window. “You didn’t even call,” she says quietly. “My dad _left_ and you didn’t even call.”

Vanessa sighs. “I didn’t know what to say. I know that’s no excuse but the longer I waited the harder it got and...I’m sorry.” She reaches out to rest her hand over Blair’s, leaving it there until Blair finally turns to look at her. There are tears in her eyes too. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.

“I missed you,” Blair says, accusing.

Vanessa lips quirk into a little smile. “I missed you too.” She takes her hand and Blair curls their fingers together, not letting go until they’re back in Brooklyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...this chapter was also light on dair, but all the little moments are leading to something I promise!


	6. Thanksgiving

Blair and Vanessa spend the next day together visiting all their old favorite haunts. Now that she’s moved passed the shock, Vanessa is much more willing to hear the details of Blair’s new life, though she's annoyingly caught up on Dan.

“I can’t believe you guys are friends. Have you met his dad?”

“Friends is a generous term,” Blair says, wrinkling her nose at the idea. “And no, I have not met his dad. I did go to a sleepover at his apartment though.”

Blair fills her in on that, Vanessa laughing at her descriptions of Jenny’s antics, and it feels like old times again.

It’s still a surprise when Vanessa casually asks if Blair thinks Serena might want to join them at her sister’s show that night.

Blair narrows her eyes in suspicion. “Why?”

“So I can get to know her better? Isn’t that what you wanted?” She crosses her arms and lets out a little laugh at Blair’s silence. “It’s just an idea. We don’t have to.”

“No,” Blair says. Vanessa’s making a gesture and she doesn’t want to discourage her. “I’ll call her.”

Serena agrees immediately and meets them at the loft that evening so they can go over together.

Blair’s been dragged to see Ruby’s lesbian punk rock band play enough times that she no longer feels quite as wildly out of place and uncomfortable as she used to. Serena of course fits right in, claiming them a little table with a view of the stage and flirting with the bartender as she orders them drinks, pink neon sparkling off the sequins on her shirt.

Vanessa seems amused more than anything and perhaps it had been uncharitable for Blair to worry about her motives. She’s perfectly nice to Serena, asking how she met Blair and laughing along as Serena recounts the story of the lost cellphone like it’s Cinderella or something.

Serena asks about the band and Vanessa tells her about her sister, which leads to a conversation about music that Blair quickly loses interest in. Despite Vanessa’s best attempts to educate her, Blair just isn’t very musical, in any sense of the word. The songs she does love are usually through association with movies. She feels a spike of jealousy watching them talk, her beautiful best friends. The two are very different but they both have a vibrancy to them that Blair has always felt she lacked.

After the show, Vanessa gets up to go talk to her sister and Serena nudges Blair with her shoulder. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just glad you two are getting along.”

“She’s cool,” Serena says to Blair’s resignation. “Not what I expected though.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just very different for best friends.”

“We grew up together,” Blair says with a shrug. “You know how it is.”

Serena nods.

Music starts up again and Blair can’t stop herself grimacing. Serena laughs. “This really isn’t your thing, is it?”

“I have not missed this since Vanessa moved to Vermont,” Blair admits delicately.

“How long is she here for?”

“Just the weekend.”

“That’s too bad,” Serena says, but she doesn’t sound like she means it. It occurs to Blair that perhaps Vanessa wasn’t the only one a bit jealous of Blair having a second best friend.

She smiles down at her drink. “Yes. Too bad.”

 

With her birthday over, Blair immediately gets caught up in preparations for the second most important day of the year: Thanksgiving. It's going to be her first year planning without her father’s help and she wants everything to be perfect for him.

She buys everything in advance to avoid the rush in the days right before the holiday and gets through deep cleaning the entire apartment before her mother says, “Oh, didn't I tell you? Your father’s not coming. He decided he wanted to spend Thanksgiving in Hudson.”

Blair doesn't know what to say. Thanksgiving was their day. Her father may have left but she'd never imagined he'd ever celebrate it without her. “I don’t understand. If he’s not coming why didn’t he call me and tell me himself?”

“Darling, you should know by now that your father isn’t a fan of the difficult conversations.”

And that’s that.

 

After her run in with Nate at her birthday party, Blair had indulged in some silly high school fantasies in which he seeks her out and they talk and flirt and eventually he realizes that she’s the one he really wants, not Serena, not Penelope, _her_. When he walks into the coffee shop while she’s working, she is therefore convinced she must be dreaming. That, or hallucinating some random guy as Nate through sheer force of wishful thinking.

“Blair?”

Alright, he recognizes her and looks genuinely startled, so it’s him, he’s here, this is real, and she’s just staring at him without saying anything, shit-

“Nate! Hi!”

“Uh, what are you doing here?”

This baffles Blair. He is clearly the intruder here. “I’m working.”

He follows her glance down at her apron which, along with literally everything else about her surroundings, serves to prove her statement. “Right. Obviously.” He gives her an apologetic grin. “Can I just get a medium coffee to go?”

“Sure.” She rings him up, writing his name on a cup with a flourish even though there’s barely anyone else there. “So what brings you to Brooklyn?”

He looks distinctly uncomfortable and for a breathless moment she thinks maybe he actually did come to see her and has just played it really badly. “My uh dad’s rehab center is a few blocks from here.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize.”

“Yeah, it’s a new development. He- it’s been tough.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugs, giving her a weak smile.

It’s horribly awkward and Blair busies herself with his coffee. “Do you want milk or anything?”

“No, that’s fine. And could you uh, maybe not mention this to anyone? It’ll probably be in the news soon anyway, but until then.”

“Of course not! I won’t say anything.”

“Thanks.” His smile is stronger this time.

She hands him his coffee, feeling all fluttery as his fingers brush hers.

“I’ll see you at school.”

“Yeah.”

He lifts his cup in farewell and heads out.

 

Disappointment notwithstanding, on the day of Thanksgiving, Blair does go through with her attempt to make their usual feast, trying to salvage at least something of her favorite holiday. Nothing seems to turn out quite right though.

Not that it even matters. Eleanor has opened their house to all of her “friends,” which seems to mean everyone from work associates to random starving artists she’d picked up off the street. It’s far too many to feed but they all bring food of their own, turning the most important meal of the year into a common potluck. It’s barely past noon before the loft is full enough that not only does her father’s absence go unnoticed, Blair’s presence does too. She holes herself up in her room with a plate of food and wallows.

When her phone rings she has a moment of panic, sure that if her father or Vanessa or anyone asks about her holiday she won’t be able to stop herself crying. Luckily, it’s Serena, who launches into her own story with no regard for polite opening small talk.

"Oh my god, B, you would not believe what's going on over here."

The van der Woodsens had gone to the Humphreys’ for Thanksgiving, a decision that had been the subject of much lunchtime analysis before it was uncovered that the invitation did not stem from Dan but his father. While mildly confusing, this was of much less interest to Serena.

“So we walk in and Dan’s _mom_ is there.”

“From Paris?” Blair says, interested despite herself.

“Yeah, it was a complete surprise. They haven’t seen her since the summer and she didn’t even say she was coming.”

“Wow. How’s Dan doing?” she asks before remembering she doesn’t care.

“I always got the feeling she didn’t like me?” Serena continues, blessedly breezing past Blair’s slip. “I thought she’d be happy Dan and I are broken up but she was super cold. And now she’s totally having it out in the kitchen with my mom and Rufus.”

“Really,” Blair says, dutifully fascinated.

"Our parents seem to think this is the perfect time to air twenty years of dirty laundry and it is not pretty. I seriously need to get out of here."

"You can come over to my house if you want,” Blair offers, guessing that’s what Serena was calling for. “My mom won't mind, she loves you.” In the unlikely event she even notices that is.

“You’re a lifesaver, B.”

“I know.”

 

She occupies herself tidying her room and smoothing her hair, practicing a smile to pull herself out of her sulk. Hopefully Serena’s drama will prove sufficiently distracting.

Waiting by the door for her arrival, Blair flips through a magazine, glaring off any of the surrounding strangers who consider approaching her. It’s a relief when Serena shows up, but only for the second it takes to notice she’s flanked by Eric, Dan, and Jenny.

"They heard about my escape plan and wanted in," she says, apologetic. "Is this okay?"

Blair gives them a tight smile. "Sure, come on in." If her mother can have a group of strangers over why shouldn't she?

Eleanor doesn't say anything as Blair directs them to add their coats to the pile by the window, just purses her lips and waves Blair and her 'little friends' into her room.

"Your house is so nice!” Jenny says with obnoxious surprise. “And bigger than I thought it'd be." Blair is startled out of glaring at her when she accidentally catches Dan’s eye and he gives her a commiserating little eye roll.

Serena flops onto Blair’s bed with familiar ease, Eric tentatively joining her. The Humphreys forgo sitting and instead go about poking through Blair’s things. Dan starts by inspecting the bookshelf, which is fine; it's mostly full of classics and biographies of dead queens and movie stars. Her trashy novels and stacks of fashion magazines are securely stashed under her bed.

“Aw, cute!” Blair looks over to see Jenny picking up her cabbage patch doll and narrows her eyes, genuinely unable to tell if she's being sweet or nasty.

She puts the doll down and turns around with a teasing grin. “Dan has one too. His name’s Cedric.” Nasty then, but to her brother so that’s okay.

"Wait, you still have Cedric?" Serena says like it’s the cutest thing she’s ever heard.

"Thanks Jen," Dan says dryly.

She blows him a kiss.

"So what exactly is going on with your parents?" Blair asks, perching by Serena on the bed.

"Our dad once dated their mom," says Jenny. "It was back before he got famous and she dumped him because he wasn't rich enough. Joke’s on her."

Blair’s barely absorbed this before the obvious intrigue comes to mind. "Wait...none of you are related, right?" It’s hardly an unreasonable question considering Jenny has successfully managed to pass herself off as Serena.

There are four simultaneous hurried _No_ ’s.

“No,” Dan reiterates, “We did the math on the way over.”

“Yeah, ignore my roots,” Eric says, which Blair hadn’t even considered but now that she looks, they are almost as dark as Dan’s.

“The fact that you had to think about it is bad enough,” she says, thoroughly amused. “Wasn’t that weird when you two started dating?”

"We didn't know!" moans Serena. "They hardly ever talk to each other and when they do they're usually fighting."

"Not recently though,” says Jenny. “Recently they've been _very_ friendly. And apparently whatever they used to have was serious enough to warrant our mom's freakout when she found out.”

"Not that she's been a saint recently," Dan mutters.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll get to that eventually. They were still in the 90s when we left though so it might be awhile."

"Ooh, bets on how long it’ll take them to realize we’re gone?" Serena suggests.

“Please. We’ll be back before that happens,” Dan says.

"Pessimist," admonishes Jenny.

"I prefer realist."

"This might be worse then the Thanksgiving when Grandma came in and tore down mom's second husband in front of his daughter,” Eric muses.

Serena laughs. "Oh my god, I remember that!".

"I thought it was the third husband that had a daughter," says Dan.

"Oh, you're right it was."

"Wait, remember when-"

Blair watches helplessly as they continue reminiscing about Thanksgivings of yore, the conversation passing her by. It’s infuriating, the way they can so easily make her feel like an outsider in her own home.

They all stop to laugh at another one of Eric's stories and Blair takes advantage of the opening, blurting out "I ran into you on Thanksgiving once." She nods at Serena who looks back blankly. "Um, last year, I think,” she offers, her cheeks heating up as they all look at her.

Serena furrows her brow like she’s thinking but she obviously doesn’t remember. Of course she doesn't. Even if she hadn’t been wasted why on Earth would she have taken note of Blair?

“Wait, I remember that.” Blair turns in shock to Dan and his expression becomes sheepish. “Is it too late to apologize?"

"What did you do?" Jenny asks, intrigued.

"I believe there was a pie casualty.”

Blair confirms, absurdly relieved, and Jenny laughs.

"It wasn't my fault!” Dan insists.

“Yeah, you were so helpful,” Blair says sarcastically and Dan feigns affront.

"I don't remember that," Serena says quietly.

"It wasn't very exciting," Blair offers in consolation, though she finds herself unable to feel properly sorry.

"Hey, is there any extra food out there?" asks Eric. "We didn’t get a chance to eat before we ran out."

The others agree and they all sneak into the kitchen like children to pick at the remaining scraps. She hadn’t planned on it, but buoyed by Serena coming to her for refuge and perhaps by Dan remembering her against all odds, Blair retrieves her dad’s pumpkin pie from where she’d hidden it in the fridge in grim anticipation of future binging. They return to her room with their spoils and between the five of them finish off the whole pie, homemade whipped cream and all. Blair hardly even minds that some crumbs get on her bed.

It’s getting dark when Dan and Serena get simultaneous calls from their respective parents, who must have finally realized all their children are missing. There’s some light grumbling as they rouse themselves from their various lounging positions.

Blair collects their plates to return to the kitchen, which to her relief has begun to clear out. There’s still a hefty pile of coats for the van der Humphreys to sift through and they gather by the window to begin the excavation.

Dan hangs back, joining Blair by the sink. "Thanks for letting us crash here. It was good to get away from that shit show."

“At least your mom bothered to show up.” She’s not sure what makes her say it and wishes she hadn’t. Not because it was insensitive; Dan won’t hold that against her, which is the whole problem. He knows enough not to.

“Your dad didn’t make it?” he says, immediately justifying her regret.

“No.” She scrubs furiously at a stubborn spot on her pie plate. “Didn’t even call.”

"I'm sorry." She hates that he means it and even more that it kind of helps.

She thrusts the plate and a dishtowel at him. “Since you’re loitering, you might as well be useful.”

He awkwardly pats the dish dry for her amusement, grinning when she insists on inspecting it before setting it aside.

“Maybe it’s a good thing your parents are fighting,” she offers, feeling it’s owed somehow. “At least they still care, right?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s over. They just don't want to admit it yet.”

“Dan, we found your coat!” Jenny calls from the across the room.

“Be right there!” he yells back then turns to Blair with a rueful smile. “Alright, well, thanks again.”

“It was nice to have some company,” she admits, leaving the sink to hug Serena goodbye before he can look smug or anything.

Blair walks them out and sees them into a cab, shivering as she watches it drive off. She lingers there on the pavement, the evening air cold and sharp, clearing her head. Dan’s advice, unasked for and summarily ignored, comes back to her from that hallway. Getting it out there. Letting people know how you feel. Resolve settling, she pulls out her phone and finds her dad’s number. 

“Hi sweetheart.” Her father sounds surprised and a little distracted. The background noise of a party filters across the line. “Is something wrong?”

Blair almost laughs. “You mean other than the fact my father didn’t want to see me this Thanksgiving?”

“Honey, what are you talking about? Your mother told me you didn’t want me there.”

“She did?” Right, of course she did. It hardly strains belief.

“She said you were very angry at me for leaving,” he says hesitantly, as though he hates voicing it. “And you’d prefer not to talk to me today.”

“And you just believed her?”

There’s guilty silence on the other end. Someone laughs in the background. How happy he must have been to throw a Thanksgiving party with Roman in their suburban paradise without his ex-family there nagging on his conscience. He’d believed Eleanor easily because he knows Blair has every right to be that mad at him, no matter how much he tries to pretend otherwise.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” he says finally. “I know how much this day means to you. I’ll be there for Christmas, I promise." He sounds anxious more than anything. Anxious for forgiveness, anxious to get back to his party, anxious to just put this all behind them.

“Okay, Daddy,” she says, drained and at a loss for what else she can say. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving,” he says, his relief evident.

And that’s that. Despite knowing he was lied to she doesn’t feel any better. If anything she feels worse, which is what she gets for listening to Humphrey. But then, at least it’s all out there now, she remembers. Maybe they can move on.

When she returns to her room it feels empty without Dan, Serena, and their siblings there bickering. She busies herself straightening everything Jenny had disturbed and dust-busting her covers and floor to remove all traces of their feast. By the time she’s finished it’s quiet outside her door and when she glances out she sees nobody but her mother, bent over the sink doing dishes.

She joins her, quietly picking up the dishtowel to start drying. This is what they did every year, the two of them. Her dad did most of the cooking, so after dinner she and her mom would clean. It had never seemed an important part of the tradition before.

“I’ve barely seen you today,” Eleanor says, an accusation in its simplicity.

“I know you called Daddy and told him not to come,” Blair counters.

For a moment she thinks her mother is actually going to try and deny it but then she sighs, looking older than Blair’s ever seen her. “I - I shouldn’t have lied to you. I know that.”

It’s the closest to an apology she’s going to get. Blair resigns her attention back to the dishes. To her shock, her mother doesn’t.

“I couldn’t face him during the holidays,” Eleanor admits, voice trembling. To Blair’s horror, she looks to be on the verge of tears. “It was always our happiest time.”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that?” Blair asks, close to tears herself as she always becomes during any halfway serious conversation with her mother.

“And let you choose between the two of us? I wonder who would have won that battle,” Eleanor says with a cynical huff of laughter, not looking at Blair as she begins scrubbing. “I would have been completely alone.” Her movements slow as she realizes, “Although, I was anyway.”

Their family had always been happiest during Thanksgiving and their first year apart all three of them had failed to put in any effort to spend time with each other. But it isn’t over yet.

Blair sets down her towel and reaches up to pull her mother into a hug. It’s unfamiliar and a little awkward, Eleanor’s soapy hand falling on Blair’s shoulder before she hurriedly readjusts to hold her own forearms around Blair’s waist, pulling her closer. Blair blinks quickly, refusing to cry.

They finish the dishes and have tea together, sitting at the kitchen counter. Eleanor even breaks out some digestive biscuits, the closest thing in the house they have to cookies. It’s nothing earth-shattering, no fundamental shift in their relationship, but for the first time all day, it really feels like Thanksgiving.


	7. Cotillion

Dan and Jenny's mother retreats back to Paris almost immediately following the holiday, leaving Serena and Eric appropriately embarrassed on behalf of their own mother, who has hardly bothered to hide her pleasure at her victory. Much to Blair’s surprise, neither Dan nor Jenny holds this against them. Their communal exile to Brooklyn seems to have been enough to convince the four that they’re all in this together.

Still, it's rather alarming when Jenny joins Blair and Serena for lunch one day, unaccompanied by Dan or any of her minions. She settles herself a few steps above them so they have to look up at her as she speaks.

“No one's talking about anything but cotillion,” Jenny says with a huff. “Penelope’s taking every opportunity to rub in that I can’t go.”

“So you came to rub in the fact that _I_ can’t go?” Blair says without sympathy. Jenny will have a debut of her own once she’s old enough. Blair never will.

“Well, you’re in good company because I’m not going either,” says Serena, giving Blair a companionable pat on the knee.

Blair and Jenny stare at her, scandalized.

“You have to go. Who else am I supposed to live through vicariously?” demands Blair.

“Yeah, don't let the fact you don't have an escort stop you,” says Jenny with faux sweetness.

Serena takes this with much better humor than Blair would have, merely saying, “I’m sure I could scrounge one up if I wanted to.” She shrugs. “It's just really not my thing.”

“Yes, yes, it's an antiquated, classist tradition,” Blair says flapping her hand. “But think of the dresses!”

Serena laughs. “I’m sure there’ll be pictures. Think about it, we can get together the day after and critique everyone’s fashion choices. That sounds much more fun right?”

“And your mother’s going to let you get away with that?” asks Jenny.

“She doesn’t really have a leg to stand on after we found out she used to be your dad’s ‘biggest fan,’” Serena says with a grimace.

Jenny wrinkles her nose. “Ew, let’s not.”

Blair continues to cajole her, unable to conscience her friend forgoing her spot at a real, high class, debutante ball, but even with Jenny’s support she's forced to give Serena up as a lost cause.

 

It’s only a few days later however that Serena announces, “You’ll be happy to know I’m going to cotillion after all.”

“Better you than me,” Dan says from where he’s inexplicably lounging a few steps below them.

Blair ignores him. “What made you change your mind?”

“My grandma’s in town and she has her heart set on seeing me presented. I wasn’t going to, but it turns out she might be sick or something.” She frowns down at her salad then shakes her head, dispelling worry. “Anyway, I had a long talk with my mom and told her if I do this, I’m going to be myself in every possible way.”

Blair claps her hands together. “Do you have a dress yet? Can I come help you pick one?”

“Of course! It’ll be fun.”

“Who’s going to escort you?”

“Well...” Serena says, endeavoring to catch Dan’s eye. “I was hoping...”

“No.” He looks amused she’d even ask. “Not happening.”

Serena pouts at him. “Please? It’ll be so much more fun if you’re there.”

“Have you forgotten your grandmother’s general hatred for all things Humphrey? Which, I have to say makes a lot more sense now that we know about your mom and my dad. There’s no way she wants me escorting you.”

“I’m already going for her. Surely we can compromise on my date.”

“Serena, I know you love her, but I’m pretty sure that woman has never in her life not gotten her way.”

Blair is gratified to see that Dan calling her beloved, sick grandmother “that woman” is too much for even Serena, who lets the subject drop.

 

Blair meets Serena’s grandmother herself the day of the dress shopping. It’s the kind of rich people shopping where beautiful dresses are brought out for their inspection and they don’t have to do anything as gauche as walking.

Cecelia Rhodes is blunt and spirited in the way of old ladies who no longer need to care, though of course women as rich as her were never old, they were elderly. She’s never without a drink in hand and takes every opportunity to interject pithy little comments that delight Serena as much as they discomfit Lily. As for Blair, Cece has little interest in her once it is ascertained she is not to be a debutante, occasionally deigning to send her off to refill her drink.

No matter, Blair is sufficiently entertained by the parade of gowns while Cece serves as audience to the constant battle between Serena and her mother, who can agree on nothing. Serena is insisting that she’ll be wearing her hair in a ponytail rather than anything more stately when Cece puts an end to it with a wave of her hand. “I’m sure that will do fine darling, but have you decided who will be escorting you?”

“Oh, um, I’ll be going with Nate Archibald.”

“Really?” Lily says, looking surprised but not displeased.

Blair feels an absurd swell of disappointment. Nate’s come back to the coffee shop twice since Thanksgiving, lingering to chat with her both times and once remarking that he’d come during the week and missed her, prompting her to tell him her shift schedule. She knows she doesn’t actually have a chance with him, and better to see him with Serena than Penelope, but still. It had been a lovely fantasy.

“Yeah, he asked if I wanted to go for old times sake. We used to practice the dances together,” she adds to her grandmother.

“A very handsome young man, I believe,” Cece says to Serena’s embarrassment. “There is that business with his father...”

“Grandma! What does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, dear, I’m sure he’ll do very well.”

 

“So Nate, huh?” Blair asks once the dress has been picked and approved, though not in equal measure, by all the ladies present.

“Just as friends,” Serena insists. “Better Nate than whoever my grandma would fly in to escort me. Besides, we’d sort of planned on it. Back when we were kids.”

Blair can see them, the golden couple being presented to an admiring audience, just as they’re supposed to be. “You’re going to look amazing.”

“Thanks, B.” She gives a theatrical little groan. “It’s going to be so stuffy and boring though. I wish you could come.”

“Me too.”

 

That night, she dreams she's Audrey in _Sabrina_ , dancing the night away with Nate Archibald. She's dazzling in her silver gown, all eyes on her, and it's everything she’d always imagined it would be when watching from afar. Nate whispers in her ear that they should slip away, but then it's Dan Humphrey who meets her at the tennis court, pulls her close and tells her she's lovely.

 

Blair spends the evening of cotillion assiduously working on her English essay, avoiding Gossip Girl lest she die of jealousy. She's on the verge of calling it quits when there's a knock at the door.

She thinks she's imagining it at first, her mother is away and she's not expecting anyone, but then there's another knock so she snaps her computer closed and ventures out of her room. Opening the door, she’s faced with a well dressed and rather drunk Dan Humphrey.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“Hello to you too.” He walks in and flops down on her couch like he belongs there, leaving Blair standing in the doorway, gaping after him. He can't be here. She's wearing _pajamas_.

She closes the door and moves to stand over him, arms crossed. “What exactly makes you think you can just walk into my home unannounced?”

“Uh, we’re friends?” he says, looking up at her like _she's_ the one being weird.

“Please. You don’t see me showing up at your door.”

Dan sighs. “You’re the only one I can have a furtive, emotionally loaded conversation with right now.”

“Ew.” Blair kicks his feet off her coffee table and goes to claim her own spot on the couch. “Isn’t there someone else you can go bother?”

“Everyone I know is at cotillion.”

“And why aren’t you?”

“Why should I be?” he grumbles, settling into a drunken pout. “It's not like Serena needs me, she has Nate.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “You broke up with her.”

“So?”

“So you don't get to be mad about this! You know she'd take you back in a second. If that was what you wanted you'd be at cotillion sweeping her off her feet right now instead of here making _me_ listen to you whine about it.”

“Yeah,” Dan mumbles as he runs a hand over his face. “Maybe Nate was right.”

Blair frowns when he fails to elaborate. “About what?”

“We were talking and I guess I was being kinda-” he waves his hand in a way Blair interprets to mean ‘pissy’- “and he said that I was just upset because Serena didn’t need me anymore.”

“Need you?” Blair says, skeptical and a little offended on Serena’s behalf.

“You don’t know what she was like before.”

Much as Blair would love to dispute that (she had faithfully followed Gossip Girl on which Serena’s exploits had once made up a good three quarters of the content) she stops herself, picturing Dan’s dismissive snort.

“We all tried to look out for her but I’m the _responsible_ one so-” he makes another vague gesture encompassing what Blair assumes to be several years of herding his wasted friends into cabs. “I thought it’d change after we started dating but-” he gestures Serena’s subsequent lack of change, leaving Blair wondering if he’s ever going to finish a sentence. “She’s not like that anymore,” he finishes, dropping his hand.

“That’s a good thing,” she reminds him.

“Yeah, of course. It is. Just-” he shrugs under Blair’s glare. “She had to leave for it to happen. She was better off without me.”

Broadly, Blair agrees, but as Serena’s best friend she does feel an obligation to protect Serena’s interests which, the past and present intrusion Nate notwithstanding, are fixated on Dan. Still, she can’t help feeling just the slightest twinge of sympathy for him. Someone coming back doesn’t change the fact that they’d left or erase the knowledge that they’d never needed you as much as you needed them. They’d both been left behind enough to know that. “You didn't do anything wrong. People don't change until they're ready too.”

He considers her with borderline suspicion. “That’s- yeah. Thanks.”

“There’s still time to make it to cotillion,” she points out hopefully.

He chuckles like she just made a joke but does push himself off the couch. Instead of leaving however, he wanders off to inspect her DVD collection.

“You really like Audrey Hepburn, huh?” he comments, oblivious to Blair’s icy glare.

“She's timeless.”

He nods absently and goes on browsing, tilting his head a little to better read the titles.

Continued observation fails to offer an explanation for why he’s still here. He was obviously shaken by the idea of Nate and Serena yet seems to have no inclination to actually do anything about it. He’d come to Blair to complain but now it seems he’s given up on that too.

“I talked to my dad,” she says without really intending to, the words pulled out of her by the quiet.

“Yeah?”

“He’s coming home for Christmas.”

“That’s good, right?”

Blair shrugs, though he’s not looking at her. She’s not getting her hopes up like she did for Thanksgiving. “We’ll see.”

“My parents are getting a divorce. Don’t tell anyone, it’s still a secret.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not like it’s a surprise.” He pulls a movie off the shelf. “Is this any good?” he asks, turning to reveal _Libeled Lady_ , a comedy starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. “I haven’t seen them in anything but the _Thin Man_.”

“I wouldn’t have it if I didn’t like it,” she says testily.

Dan nods, satisfied, and to her alarm begins poking at her DVD player.

“What are you doing?” she demands. He looks at her like she’s being deliberately obtuse and fine, it is rather obvious what is happening, but understanding is still eluding her.

He figures out the DVD player and returns to the couch to begin struggling with the three available remotes. Blair resolves not to help him, but after several minutes of experimentation gets him nothing but static she grabs the remotes from him, muttering “For crying out loud Humphrey,” as she navigates to the correct setting.

Unabashed, Dan makes himself comfortable as the opening credits begin. Blair represses the urge to hit him with a throw pillow.

 

“ _I thought that was rather clever of me_ ,” Powell brags as he and Myrna dance.

“ _Yes, I thought you thought so_ ,” she replies dryly.

Blair catches Dan look at her and smile.

 

She wakes up as the movie’s ending, finding to her horror that she’d fallen asleep on Humphrey’s shoulder. He’s asleep too, thank god, propped up by an elbow on the armrest. She can only hope that he passed out first. He had been drinking, so it’s not terribly unlikely, she assures herself.

An experimental poke of his arm does nothing to wake him, nor does the sudden silence following her turning off the movie. She prods him a few more times but is wary of doing anything more vigorous. It is quite late, she reasons. He’s shown no intention of leaving since he arrived uninvited and if she wakes him up he’ll probably expect her to put him somewhere, which she can’t even contemplate. Best to just leave him and go to bed.

A last minute softening prompts her to provide him a blanket. She throws it over him from a distance and retires.

 

Blair almost has a heart attack when she wakes up the next morning to the sound of someone moving around her apartment. Her fear immediately converts to annoyance as memories of the previous evening come back to her.

Torn between not wanting to leave him roaming her home unsupervised and not wanting him to see her as she looks first thing in the morning, she compromises by skipping a shower, brushing her hair, and putting on a minimal amount of makeup. There’s simply no time to choose an outfit so she pulls a dressing gown over her pajamas and emerges.

“Morning, Waldorf.” Blair’s gratified to see he looks terrible, thoroughly rumpled with dark circles under his eyes.

“You’re still here.”

“I thought it might be weirder to leave without saying anything.” He is at long last displaying some measure of embarrassment, which pleases her.

“Sneaking out and pretending this never happened would have been my preference.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He looks around the room, rubbing the back of his head. “So where's your mom?”

“At an estate sale in Connecticut. She's out a lot.”

This passes as unremarkable, which makes sense considering who his father is. He does however look uncomfortable enough that she dares to thinks he might apologize.

“Do you have any food?”

Or he’s just hungry.

Blair does tend to put actual effort into her breakfast on weekends but she is not a maid. She’s not going to _feed_ him. She goes to the kitchen and passes him a low fat yogurt and an apple across the counter with a sweet smile daring him to complain. He doesn’t.

“Can we finish the movie?”

Blair gives a put upon sigh with an accompanying eye roll as she heads back to the couch, privately pleased that he’d been enjoying it. Of course it then takes awhile to get it rewound to Dan’s satisfaction, Blair exaggerating annoyance as he yet again says, “Wait, no, I do remember this part.”

They eat their breakfast and watch the movie and more than anything it's weird how not weird it is. But then, the film is quite funny - she supposes not even Humphrey can kill that much comedy. It’s honestly a rather nice Sunday morning. Still, when it ends she doesn’t waste time getting up.

“Okay Humphrey, time to go,” she says, marching back to the kitchen with their empty yogurt cups. “I have to go to work soon.”

“Work?”

“Yes. It's this thing people do when they don’t have trust funds.” The fact that she only works a couple hours a week to make extra money for clothes she keeps to herself.

He follows her to the kitchen, leaning across the counter dividing it from the living room. “I am actually familiar with the concept. I was just wondering _where_ you worked.”

“At a coffee shop near my mom’s store.”

He perks up immediately. “Coffee?”

“No Humphrey, I am not making you coffee.”

He pouts at her.

“That is not endearing.”

Dan gives it up, laughing. “Okay. Well thank you for the yogurt and the movie and not kicking me out way before now. I had a nice time.”

She contemplates him for a moment then says, “Give me your phone.”

He hands it over and she enters her number.

“Next time you want to come over, call me... so I can say no.”

He ducks his head as he laughs. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“Bye, Humphrey.”

He gives her a parting wave that’s almost a salute, and is finally gone.

He texts another thank you as Blair’s getting dressed and she smiles as she saves his number to her phone.

 

When she gets off work, Blair has two missed calls from Serena. She calls her back the moment she gets home, eager to hear about cotillion.

“Have you seen Gossip Girl?”

“No, give me one second.”

Blair pulls it up on her computer and quickly finds what must be worrying Serena.

_Spotted: D arriving home in last night’s clothes. It's anyone's guess where he was or who he was with, but we do know where he wasn't. Sorry S, looks like you've lost this break up war._

“Oh.”

“Have you seen him with anyone lately? I've been trying to figure out who it could be but I have no idea. Everyone was at cotillion.”

“Except me. He was at my house last night.”

She thought her amused tone would be reassuring but Serena's resulting silence indicates otherwise. Blair can practically feel the chill coming through the phone line and all of a sudden feels she's on very fragile ground.

“Oh my god, not like _that_ ,” she says. “He showed up drunk and passed out on my couch. I couldn’t get him to leave until this morning.”

“I don’t get it. Why would he go to your house, I mean, don’t you hate him?”

“Well if I didn’t before, I do now,” Blair says, light and joking. “Honestly S, you’re going to have to ask him. If you think _you're_ confused just imagine how I felt.”

“I forgot he was with me when I came over for Thanksgiving,” Serena muses and Blair breathes a sigh of relief. “Maybe something happened with his parents and he had nowhere else to go?”

“He seemed kinda upset about Nate being your escort,” Blair suggests. Sure he’d been more petulant than regretful, but this is a delicate situation and Blair has a narrative to spin.

“Oh?”

“Mm hm. Now come on, you haven’t told me anything about cotillion.”

Serena laughs and begins her recap, the last of the tension dissipating. Blair gasps and interjects appropriately as Serena details her grandmother’s manipulations, trying the bury the twinge of guilt that’s popped up amidst her relief. She hadn’t even lied, not really, but she can’t shake the feeling that she hadn’t exactly told the truth either.


	8. Christmas

The onset of the Christmas season finds Blair at the Constance Billard-St. Jude's Holiday Bazaar, playing third wheel to Dan and Serena. They're ostensibly here to shop and support Jenny, who’s singing Christmas carols with the choir, but so far it's just been the two of them pretending not to flirt while Blair trails along behind.

Finding that her eyerolls are going unnoticed, Blair hangs back on the pretense of examining some heinous furry hats. Hardly a minute passes before Dan is back at the stall with her, Serena right behind him. Honestly, why does she even bother trying to be nice?

The song ends and Jenny flounces over looking like a snow angel.

“Dan, you came!”

“Yeah, you were really good,” Dan says, doing a decent job of pretending he’d actually been listening rather than bitching about the lack of snow.

“Guess what?” Jenny says, practically bouncing with excitement. “Your present came this morning and I can't wait for Christmas so-” she pulls an envelope out of her pocket and hands it to him.

“Oh, uh, okay, thanks Jen.” Under her eager gaze he opens it and scans the first line of the paper inside. “Who's Dylan Hunter?”

“Oh, that's you! I submitted you under a fake name. You know, so you'd be sure you didn’t just get it because of dad.”

Dan turns back to the letter, eyes widening, “One of my stories is going to be published in the _New Yorker_? For real?”

Jenny nods, her smile huge. “I heard about their _20 Under 20_ contest and submitted one for you a few months ago! And I swear, I just chose a story at random and stuffed it in an envelope. I know you don't like me reading your stuff.”

“Jenny, this is amazing!” He pulls her into a hug, paper crumpling against her back. “You are the greatest sister ever!”

Jenny laughs as he lets her go. “All I did was send it in. If they hadn't picked you I’d have actually had to put effort into your present.” She bites her lip, her expression becoming more serious. “Look, I know I've been kind of a brat this year, but after... you know, the whole Chuck thing... well, you've been a really good brother, Dan. So congratulations! You deserve it!”

They hug again and then Jenny has to run off to go sing in the next set, waving to the three of them as she goes.

Serena grabs Dan’s arm with an excited grin, “Dan, this is amazing! I can't wait to read it!”

“Yeah, I-” Dan’s smile fades. “Um, that might not be the best idea actually.”

Serena cocks her head like a puppy and Blair raises her eyebrows.

“I don't know what Jenny sent in but I uh, there's a good chance that - I mean I kinda wrote a lot while you were gone, just working through some things, you know, and I didn't think anyone would ever...especially not _you_ -”

Serena takes pity on him, which is a shame because Blair was rather enjoying herself. “Your story’s about me.”

“There is a strong likelihood, yes. And uh, it’s probably, you know, not very nice,” he finishes lamely.

“Right. Well, if you don't want me to read it I won't,” she says nobley.

“Great,” Dan says, obviously relieved.

They're awkward for the rest of the performance, which to Blair’s mind, is an improvement.

 

She doesn't actually buy anything at the holiday bazaar because it's all overpriced trash, meaning she’s made no progress at all on her Christmas shopping.

Over the next week, she hits up all her usual shopping destinations and easily finds presents for her parents and Vanessa yet remains at a loss for what to get Serena. It’s infuriating because Blair usually thinks of herself as a very good gift giver, but what do you get for a girl who has everything?

Serena herself does nothing to decrease Blair’s stress levels. She shows up at the loft after one of her own shopping expeditions, bursting with excitement.

“Look what I got Dan!” She digs in one of her bags and pulls out a box, opening it to display a watch. “It’s perfect right?”

“It’s-” expensive “-beautiful. Wow.”

“Right? So he’ll be on time for all his fancy important writer meetings.”

She’s so proud, of him and herself, so Blair swallows her panic and smiles. “He’ll love it.”

Serena shows off some of her other purchases, all absurdly out of Blair’s price range, as Blair struggles to find a non tacky way to impose a spending limit on their gifts to each other. Not that she has any low cost ideas for a present either, but at least expectations will be set. She lets Serena leave without saying anything and gets started on frenzied brainstorming.

 

Shockingly, it’s the Humphreys that come to her rescue.

She eyes her phone dubiously at the sight of Dan’s name on her caller ID, but picks it up out of curiosity. “What do you want?”

“Hello,” he says, pointed. “I was wondering if you had a present for Serena yet.”

She frowns, suspicious. “I'm still considering my options. Why?”

“You know how she was complaining about the hotel they're living in not allowing Christmas decorations?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Jenny and I were thinking of sneaking in a tree and some lights or something, you know, like a joint present for her and Eric.”

Shit, that was actually a really good idea. Serena has been bemoaning the lack of Christmas in their suite for weeks now, Blair should have thought of this herself. “And you're telling me this because...?” She’d think he was calling to rub it in but he sounds more nervous than smug.

“I - I mean we, were hoping you might want in. You seem like you’d be good at this sort of decorating thing.”

“Based on what, exactly?”

“Uh, well your house looks really nice? And your room? And I don’t know, you seem like you’d have a lot of opinions.”

The Humphreys must have people to decorate their apartment for Christmas, so she probably does have more expertise. And it _is_ a good idea. Serena would love it and between three people it wouldn’t be too expensive. Still, she makes sure to give a beleaguered sigh before saying,“I suppose I could help you out.”

“Okay, great. Uh, they’re all going to be out at the Bass’s Christmas party next Saturday. Jenny and I aren’t going so we figured we’d do it then and just buy everything earlier that day.”

“That... sounds good,” Blair says, reluctant to give him credit. “I’ll see you then.”

 

They meet on the Upper West Side at a specialty store with glass ornaments hanging from every inch of the ceiling. Blair comes here every year to get one delicate painted glass bubble wrapped in tissue paper to add to her collection. Dan and Jenny have no need for constraint, so she sets them choosing things they think Serena and Eric will like while she works around them trying to maintain a cohesive aesthetic, leaving them the get the expensive ornaments while she gets the cheap filler ones.

Next stop is for lights, which should take five minutes but she and Dan get into a lengthy debate over white versus multicolored. By the time Blair wins (white is classic, elegant, and if they didn't want her opinion they shouldn't have asked her to come), it’s already dark and Jenny has wandered off to look at tinsel.

They have to rush over to the East Side so they’ll have sufficient time for the critical task of picking a tree before the van der Woodsens leave for the party and they begin cutting into their decorating time. There’s a Korean deli ten blocks from the Palace that has a good selection and they miraculously settle on what they can all agree is the Best Tree with minimal bickering. About a minute into carrying said tree reveals the flaw in their joint standard; even Dan has to admit they may have been a little too ambitious size-wise.

Jenny gets to carry all the decorations because she's the baby, so it's up to Blair and Dan to struggle along. Well, mostly Dan; Blair is too busy ensuring she doesn't get pine sap on the beautiful new coat she'd saved up for as an early Christmas present to herself to support much of the weight.

When they reach the Palace courtyard, she interrupts Dan’s grumbling to ask, “So how exactly are we getting this past the most suspicious concierge in the world?”

Dan straight up drops the tree, leaving the whole thing in Blair's hands for a few terrifying seconds before she drops it too.

“Shit, I forgot about him. I may need to rethink the bribery plan.”

“Blair could distract him,” offers Jenny. “She was good when we were breaking Eric out of Ostroff.”

Blair is flattered, but shakes her head. “That's not going to work. He was on high alert when I was just trying to return a phone.”

“Well, what's your idea then?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked _you_. You planned all this. Don’t blame me for your lack of foresight, Humphrey.”

“You thought it was a good idea too!”

“Obviously I shouldn’t have given you so much credit.”

“Um, guys?”

Dan and Blair turn on Jenny, who points them to Serena’s mother, standing a few feet away and surveying them with a smile.

“Oh don’t mind me, I just came back for my earrings,” she says, the diamonds in her ears catching the light as she tilts her head.

Dan stands in front of the tree like that could possibly do anything to hide it. “We were just-”

“You know, you didn’t hear this from me, but Bobby by the service entrance can be bought.” She gives them an indulgent smile then sweeps past out the gate to a waiting car.

“Problem solved,” Dan says, with a smug grin at Blair like he did anything.

She rolls her eyes and makes a token effort at lifting the tree. “We’re losing time.”

With Bobby turning a blind eye and Jenny scouting ahead, they make it to the suite without getting caught. Dan still has the key Serena gave him and after the belaboured process of maneuvering the tree from the narrow hallway through the door, their work begins in earnest.

Jenny starts looping tinsel over the curtain rods while Blair directs Dan as he situates the tree in its stand.

“A little more to the left.”

“You can't be serious. You _just_ told me right.”

“And you went too far. It's practically the leaning tower of Pisa, Humphrey, left.”

“What are you talking about, it's fine!”

“Not from this angle it's not.”

They continue like this through the winding of the lights (“You have to spread them more evenly, we’re going to run out before we reach the top”) and the placing of the ornaments (“Why are they all on one side, the entire back of the tree is _bare_ ”) but Blair loves every second of it. The decorating of the Waldorf Christmas tree had been a sad, perfunctory affair without her father, squeezed in between one of Eleanor’s business calls and Blair’s SAT prep. It’s nice for it to be a big production again, like it was when she was a child, or even just the daughter of two happily married parents.

She suspects the Humphreys may be feeling something similar based on how they throw themselves into the Christmas spirit. Jenny plays Christmas music from her iPod which of course she sings along to, Dan mumbling and bopping along as well, which Blair views with happy disapproval. She doesn’t even object when Jenny forces them to don crowns she’d made out of tinsel, too busy laughing at Dan to make a fuss herself.

“We should probably start worrying about them coming back,” Dan pronounces eventually.

Blair surveys their handiwork. It looks like Christmas exploded in the sitting room, but in a tasteful way. “I suppose this will have to do.”

They gather up the remains of their supplies and sneak out they way they’d come in.

“Wait,” Jenny says, barely two feet out the hotel. “I forgot to leave the note I calligraphed.”

She scampers back inside, leaving Dan and Blair waiting in the cold.

“Thank you,” she says after a moment, not looking at him. “For inviting me. I had fun.”

“Yeah, well we obviously needed your help.” If he’s being sarcastic, it’s light enough to be teasing so Blair grants him a small smile.

“Wait, is that-?” Snow. The first flakes of winter.

Blair tilts her head up into it then turns to Dan, her delight reflected in his face, snowflakes settling lightly in his hair.

“Merry Christmas, Humphrey.”

“Merry Christmas, Waldorf.”

 

Serena is delighted with the tree and the decorations, even apologizing for “only” getting Blair a diamond bracelet. They hug and promise to keep in touch with one parting “Merry Christmas,” before the semester ends and winter break begins.

As promised, her father comes into the city for the holidays. Blair has been diligently keeping her expectations low, not wanting a repeat of Thanksgiving, but when he arrives it’s both better and worse than she had imagined.

Her father is the same as he ever was, doting on Blair and making elaborate family breakfasts for Eleanor to tut over. It would be perfect, if only he had come alone.

Roman is everywhere, inserting himself into everything and being so kind and lovely about it that Blair can’t even hate him properly, which she absolutely cannot stand. When they all go ice skating together in Central Park, one of their family’s longest standing traditions, her father spends the entire time teaching Roman to skate while Blair mopes by the boards. They’re sickeningly adorable.

To make matters worse, her mother has for once in her entire life decided to be _nice_ , treating both Roman and Harold like old friends and even letting Roman set her up with some guy he met at the skating rink. Blair knows her mother’s doing it for her sake, an apology for Thanksgiving, but it’s intolerable.

Film Forum is showing classic holiday movies in the week leading up to Christmas so she escapes to some Barbara Stanwyck film she’s never heard of to avoid Roman’s invitation to make cookies together. He’s only one extra person, but the loft has never felt so crowded.

She’s fully settled in for a few hours of black and white old Hollywood romance when, just before the lights go down, she swears she sees Dan Humphrey a few rows ahead of her, noticeable in being the one of the few young people in the theater besides herself. She misses half the movie trying to determine if it’s actually him or just someone with similarly untamed hair. One moment Fred Macmurray is in court, prosecuting Barbara Stanwyck for shoplifting, the next thing Blair knows they’re driving cross country together setting fires in waste paper baskets and she was too busy staring at what may or may not be Dan Humphrey’s head to notice how it happened.

Despite her subsequent resolution not to care and just watch the movie, she lingers outside the theater after it ends, leaning against a wall and staring at her phone while pretending to compose a text.

“Blair?”

“Humphrey,” she returns, half gratified she was right, half annoyed all over again. He’s a teenage boy, surely he has better things to do than distracting her at Film Forum. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, seeing a movie?” He glances back at the theater he had literally just exited. “Is that not what you’re doing here?”

She gives a little shrug, not ready to admit he has just as much a right to be here as she does.

“So what’d you think?”

“Hm?”

“Of the movie?”

“Oh.” Having acknowledged that they had happened to run into each other, she’d assumed this interaction would be over. But he’s looking at her expectantly so she says. “It wasn’t quite what I was expecting, but I liked it.”

“They were better in _Double Indemnity_.”

She agrees but wants to be contrary. “I don’t know. Isn’t it more enjoyable to just watch two nice people fall in love?”

“Didn’t exactly end happily ever after.” He smiles. “And she wasn’t very nice.”

“No, but they did love each other.”

Dan grants her that. “Stanwyck again tomorrow,” he observes, nodding to a poster behind her.

Blair gives it a once over. “I do love _Christmas in Connecticut_.”

 

She doesn’t tell him she’s going to come back for the movie tomorrow but of course she does; the need to escape her house has not abated. And he said nothing about coming back either so it's not as though she's planning on seeing him there. Alright, she knows it’s a possibility, but she is hardly going to allow Humphrey to derail her plans. It’s not up to her what he does with his time. Still, she does keep an eye out for him at the theater. It’s only practical.

He’s already there when she arrives and waves when he spots her. She can’t reasonably be expected to ignore him and it’s certainly not her fault that he chooses to sit next to her. He bought popcorn, which she never does, and offers some to her before the movie, setting the bag between them like it’s theirs. She takes some. So what.

“How’s your break going?” he asks as they leave the theater together, walking side by side.

“Oh, fine.” It feels excessively rude to leave it at that so she returns his inquiry. “You?”

He shrugs. “You know. My mom’s home and she and my dad are pretending not to fight because it’s the holidays so they’re just being super passive aggressive instead.”

“At least she doesn’t have a new husband to be deliriously happy with right in front of you.”

“Uh, yeah, I guess there is that. Her new boyfriend did send a Christmas card though.”

And because she needs _someone_ to complain to, she tells him about the ice skating and the compliments and Roman trying so hard to bond with her that she feels bad avoiding him even though he’s the one who tore her family apart.

Dan responds with stories of his mom acting martyred, like they shut her out of the family even though she’s the one who left in the first place. “And Jenny’s so disappointed. She’s trying not to show it but, yeah. She thought once they were back under the same roof they could work it out.”

“I thought once my dad was back in the city he’d realize how terrible the country is and move back, but apparently he and Roman bought some old farmhouse to renovate together. They’re going to have their commitment ceremony there.”

“My dad’s probably going to marry Serena’s mom.”

“Ugh, fine, you win,” she grumbles.

“Victory,” he says with a grin. “Seriously though, good luck with your dad.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

He walks her to the subway station and wishes her goodnight and it feels...not like a date because that would be ridiculous, but weightier than a completely coincidental run in at the theater could account for. He is perhaps not a terrible movie watching companion.

 

Actual Christmas passes rather quietly. Her father does manage to notice her attempts to avoid him and Roman and they go for a walk, just the two of them. He tells her all about the new house, the room he’s going to set up for her there, the cat he’s going to adopt (to be named Cat, like in her favorite movie), and how he’s going to teach her how to drive when she comes to stay with them over the summer. It's not what she wants, but what she wants is impossible, so she lets herself get swept up in his plans, all of which double as assurances that he does still want her in his life.

Later, when they’re all gathered around the tree opening presents, her mother joins her on the couch and puts her arm around her, pulling Blair into her side. They're going to be okay.

 

Meanwhile, Dan’s prediction comes true faster than any of them would have thought. His mother goes back to Paris the day after Christmas, divorce papers signed, and to the horror of all their children, his father proposes to Lily. She accepts.

“I can’t believe Dan is going to be my brother,” Serena moans when she calls from whatever fabulous Caribbean island they’re celebrating New Years on.

“Well, it worked for Josh and Cher in _Clueless_.”

“But they were _ex_ -step-siblings, so it wasn't as weird. Although, knowing my mother it'll only be a couple years max before this goes up in flames, so I guess we're headed that way too.”

Serena actually sounds cheered by the thought and Blair appreciates for the first time that her mother has hardly even dated since her father left. She can't imagine ever being so blase about a new stepfather.

“Try to have fun anyway," Blair says, consoling. "I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

“I know, I miss you! Have you done anything fun over break?”

Blair should just tell her. It’s not like she and Dan had _planned_ to hang out, they’d simply wound up at the same movie theater two days in a row, completely by chance. It’s so not a big deal. Not even worth mentioning. Nothing at all.

“Not really. Just family stuff.”


	9. Pool Party

The first day after break, the whole van der Humphrey clan convenes on the steps for lunch, ostensibly to celebrate Eric’s return to school but really to complain about their parents, who are planning a glorious spring wedding. The ongoing van der Woodsen apartment renovation has already been extended to make the space suitable for their combined households.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just move in with us,” Jenny grumbles. “I like my room as is.”

“At least you’re not stuck living in a hotel for four more months,” Eric says mildly.

“By why do they have to move so fast? Can’t they wait until we’re all in college and don’t have to deal with it?”

“They’ve been waiting twenty years,” Dan points out. “I guess they’ve had enough of it.”

 

With the new semester comes minor shifts in schedule and upon entering the library, Blair discovers that one of those shifts has brought her into the same free period as Dan. He’s already claimed a table, SAT prep books spread everywhere, brow furrowed in concentration. Her first impulse is to join him, which is disturbing. There are plenty of empty tables. It would be weird.

She takes a seat facing away from him to avoid distraction, which unfortunately leaves her completely unprepared for him plopping down into the chair across from her halfway through the period.

“Hey, Waldorf. Could you use a study partner?”

She narrows her eyes at him, tapping her pen against her book as she considers. It would be nice to have someone to work with, purely from a practical perspective, and if he's offering...

Still, she leaves him hanging for a few more seconds before saying, “I suppose.”

He grins. “I’ll get my stuff.”

The next day he’s there waiting for her and just like that, she’s stuck with him.

 

Blair is delighted to discover that Dan is an atrocious test taker. He’s undeniably smart, even better than she is with the flashcards, but he completely falls apart under a time limit.

“You need to learn to prioritize better,” she says happily as she finishes marking his practice test. “You’ll never get into Dartmouth with marks like these.”

“Yale now, actually.”

Blair’s head snaps up but he doesn’t notice as he adds up the score on her own practice test.

“I liked it when I went on a tour over break and apparently they poached Dartmouth’s entire English department, so-” he shrugs then looks up, startling at Blair’s thunderous expression.

“Liked it like ‘oh, this is nice and I could see myself here,’ or liked it like ‘this is it for me and I’ll do _anything_ to get in’?”

“Uh, the first one?”

“Good.” Blair turns back to her grading and Dan visibly relaxes. “Not that I don’t think I can beat you, but I have enough to focus on with Nelly Yuki and I don’t need the extra competition.”

“Who’s Nelly Yuki?”

Blair looks at him in disbelief. “She's top of the class at Constance.” He looks at her blankly. “ _And_ a National Merit Scholar, _and_ a Peabody Scholar, _and_ an Intel Science Talent Search finalist, not to mention an accomplished violinist.” She also has a crush on you, Blair doesn’t say. No need to risk inflating his ego.

Dan’s eyebrows have slowly risen up his forehead as she went on. “Okay? Why would I know any of that?”

“Right, why would you bother to keep an eye on the competition,” she says, rolling her eyes. He’d have no idea who Blair was either if not for Serena. “No one is going to _buy_ a spot for me, Humphrey. These schools only accept one, _maybe_ two, people from Constance and St. Jude’s combined. If I’m going to get into Yale, I need to know who I’m up against.”

He nods, thoughtful. “I guess I need to get used to my competition being more than just Nate.”

“Please, he was hardly competition.”

Dan looks down, smiling, but shakes his head. “Don’t underestimate the power of a legacy.”

“I would never.” She sweeps her hair back over her shoulder and shoves his practice test across the table to him. “As I was saying, Nelly Yuki is brilliant, her extracurriculars are insane, and she wants Yale too, so to have even a chance at beating her I need to score higher on the SAT.”

“The SAT isn't everything. If you want, I can help you with your college essays.”

“I don’t need your help,” she snaps, followed by a twinge of regret when he looks hurt. She sighs. “But I suppose it is always good to get a second opinion. I’d be happy to read yours too.”

Dan smiles and hands her test back. “2100.”

“Nelly Yuki probably got a 2200,” she grumbles.

“Stop whining and help me raise my math score.”

 

They begin to see each other outside of school. It’s not like they plan to, well, not _technically_. One of them might just happen to mention they’re thinking of going to some movie, or gallery, or museum at such and such time and then they’ll just happen to run into each other there, pure happenstance. Blair’s surprise at such occurrences may admittedly be growing rather thin, but that’s neither here nor there.

Blair likes surprising Dan by going to places Vanessa used to drag her to, which generally aren’t at all to her taste but are perfect for generating argument. She likes arguing with Humphrey, likes that he always has something to say, that he knows her coffee order and laughs at her jokes.

It’s nice having someone to do this stuff with, all the things she can’t do with Serena. She’s missed it since Vanessa left.

Of course, she ought to _tell_ Serena about it. There are long evenings spent hanging out at the loft, Serena alternating between determinedly joining Blair in SAT prep and flipping through her magazines, where Blair knows she should just tell her. But she can't forget the chill in Serena's voice when she told her about the night of cotillion and she’s afraid to hear it again. She’s afraid of being asked to stop.

There's no point upsetting her over nothing, Blair reasons. It’s not like she and Dan are going out on _dates_. They're just two people with similar interests, sharing those interests with each other. Friends, one might say.

Dan isn’t telling anyone either, which affirms her decision. By some unspoken agreement, they always meet outside of the narrow strip of Manhattan where Gossip Girl’s presence is strongest. This unfortunately rules out any trips to the Met, but Blair accepts the sacrifice.

 

“Hey, do you want to come with me to Dan’s house this weekend?”

Blair looks up at Serena, startled. “What? Why?”

“Our parents want to start doing family brunches since, you know, we’re gonna be family soon. I’m hoping if there are more people there it’ll be less awkward.”

“You make it sound so fun.”

“I think Dan’s bringing Nate too, so you won’t be the only one.”

Yes, Nate. Her crush who she should want to spend more time with. He’s come to the coffee shop almost every weekend since they got back from break and he’ll smile when he sees her in the halls. “Sure, I’ll come.”

 

There is an absurd spread of food laid out when Blair arrives for “family brunch,” and everyone has a glass of champagne. Blair loads her plate up with fruit and a chocolate croissant which she slowly picks apart, eating it in tiny, flaky pieces.

She winds up sitting at the far end of long, white-clothed table with Nate, who gives her a wry smile.

“You got dragged to this too, huh?”

Blair rolls her eyes lightly. Down the table, Serena is giving Dan an affectionate shove, Jenny and Eric chatting happily across from them. “I don’t know why they thought we were necessary. They’re basically family already.”

“Don’t let Dan or Serena hear you say that,” Nate says, lowering his voice in mock seriousness. “It freaks them out.”

“It should.”

Nate laughs and Blair thrills at it, biting back a pleased smile. From the corner of her eye she notices Dan watching her. She glares at him until he looks away.

 

Serena convinces Blair to come back to the hotel with her after brunch, promising they’ll take some time to study. Blair gives it a good effort but Serena is restless, constantly adjusting position and leaving to fetch things, eventually just flopping down on her bed in defeat.

“We should do something,” she announces. “I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve gone out and done something together.”

“Like what?” Blair asks absently.

“Like...” Serena sits straight up in bed. “Oh my god, I have the best idea.”

She leans over and rummages through her bedside table, coming up with an ornate key.

Blair raises her eyebrows.“We’re going treasure hunting?”

“No, swimming!”

At Blair’s confused frown, Serena explains, “When I was a freshman, I dated the St. Jude’s swim captain for like a week and he gave me a key to the pool.”

“ _That’s_ what the St. Jude’s keys look like?”

“Come on, it’ll be so much fun!”

“Isn’t the pool off limits this time of night?” She realizes too late how lame a question that is.

“So? We have a key.” Serena swings it in front of her like she’s performing hypnosis. “I’ve hooked up there loads of times, no one will know.”

“I don’t have a swimsuit.”

“I’ll lend you one.”

Blair tries to think of another objection that won’t make her sound like a total loser but can’t manage it and gives in with a sigh. “Okay.”

Serena squeals and jumps up. “This’ll be great! I’ll invite some of the other girls too.” She’s on her phone typing away before Blair can object. Next thing she knows, she’s being hustled to Serena’s closet and given a selection of swimsuits to try on.

Blair is decidedly not Serena’s size in certain areas and the only suits that can be adjusted to fit properly are Serena’s stringiest bikinis. Despite Serena’s assurances that she looks amazing, Blair feels overexposed and more than a little jealous of Serena’s elegant belted one piece.

 

She’s embarrassingly on edge the entire break in, jumping at every little sound no matter how much nonchalance she tries to project. Serena finds it hilarious, leading her through the halls with practiced ease. Kati and Iz catch up with them just before they reach the pool, frightening Blair out of her skin with their echoing giggles.

The pool itself at least is beautiful, glowing blue in the ornately tiled dark room.

“Great, isn’t it?” Serena says, prompting Kati and Iz to gush.

They pile up coats and clothes on a lounge chair and Blair emerges from pulling her shirt over her head to find more people arriving, three girls she vaguely recognizes as being in their year.

“Who are they?” she asks and Serena shrugs.

“Oh, we invited them,” says Kati, waving.

Blair looks at Serena, alarmed, but Serena is more amused than soothing. “Okay, so it’ll be a party. That’s fun too!”

Blair crosses her arms over her stomach, wondering just how far Serena’s initial invite has spread.

In no time at all at least half their grade has arrived, most of them bearing alcohol. Penelope sets up a drinks table and music, ordering people around like it’s her party while Serena relaxes with a martini.

Chuck Bass has commandeered the lifeguard chair with an outfit and goddamn whistle to match. The sound of it periodically pierces through the music and laughter as he commands girls to take their tops off. Blair stays in the water, dodging cannonballers, feeling more secure with most of her body underwater.

Something brushes past her ankle and she shrieks, kicking wildly until Nate pops up a few feet away, laughing.

“Oh my god!” she gasps, splashing at him.

“Sorry! I didn’t think you’d scare so easily.”

He’s still smiling, glowing in the light of the pool, all broad shoulders and glistening muscles. A dream of a boy.

“If I wanted things touching me underwater, I’d swim in a lake,” she says primly.

“You don’t like lakes?”

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head, making him laugh again.

“I’m sorry,” he says, drifting towards her lazily.

“You should be.”

He’s very close to her now, she can feel the ripples his little movements make through the water. His eyes flick to her lips and suddenly she’s sure, absolutely certain he’s going to kiss her.

As soon as she thinks it she’s pushing back through the water away from him with one big swoop of her arms. She can’t kiss Nate, what would Dan think?

What would _Dan_ think?

 _What the fuck_.

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” she says, smiling inanely back at Nate, thoughts all jumbled.

“Oh. Okay.”

She thinks he sounds disappointed and she can’t blame him, she is too. What is wrong with her? Nate is what she wants, what every girl wants. She should swim straight back there and kiss him, the kind of slow motion movie kiss worthy of Nate Archibald. She doesn’t.

Furious with herself, she climbs out of the pool. She cannot like Dan Humphrey. She cannot even _think_ about liking Dan Humphrey. He is Serena's once and future boyfriend, that he’s single in the present is irrelevant. Whatever malfunction happened in the pool is nothing to do with him. It doesn’t even make sense, why would Dan care if she kissed Nate anyway?

The drinks table is a mess. She fishes for a clean cup, knocking used ones aside with a clatter of plastic, then grabs at something to fill it with.

“Hey.”

She jumps, spilling gin down the back of her hand. Of course it’s him. “God, Humphrey. Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Talk to me,” she snaps.

“Okay,” he says, drawing it out and raising his eyebrows in a ‘so this is happening’ way. He’s so annoying. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? Because you seem angry.”

“I’m not. I’m having the time of my life.”

He has the gall to laugh at that and she glares at him. He’s still fully clothed, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows in the one concession he’s made to the environment, which is an annoyingly good look.

“What’s with you anyway?” she says, gesturing at his general lack of swimwear. “You do know this is a pool party?”

He shrugs. “I’m not much of a swimmer.”

“Then why are you here?”

He doesn't say anything, just shrugs, but it's the kind of not saying anything that suggests there’s something to say, something that stretches between them and stops her demanding glare. It’s just the two of them, their drunk shrieking classmates fading into the background.

“I-”

A scream cuts through the noise, echoing in the tiled room. Blair turns in time to see a boy fall into the pool and sink like a stone.

“He hit his head!” someone cries, then Nate is diving after him like a superhero, pulling him up.

“Someone call an ambulance!” he yells, dragging the guy to the edge of the pool where waiting hands grab him and pull him out of the water.

The party dies fast. Serena calls 911, stumbling over her words, while Nate makes an attempt at CPR, which Blair is not sure is appropriate for a head wound. And with that, the crowd disintegrates, wet feet slapping across the floor as people rush to grab their clothes and get out before they get caught.

Not that it does them any good.

 

Come Monday, Blair and most of the rest of the junior class are called into a meeting with the headmaster and headmistress of their respective schools. Some idiot left their phone behind with pictures implicating all of them and even though the kid who fell is going to be totally fine, Headmistress Queller is still determined to hold someone responsible for “inciting the party.”

Blair tries not to roll her eyes as she threatens them all with expulsion if no one comes forward to tell her who did it. Queller is new and wants to establish authority, but she can’t possibly expel all of them. Blair’s not sure she could expel even one of them, herself excepted of course. Blair’s the only one whose family can’t just buy her way back in, which would worry her if she thought there was any chance of her taking the fall.

“So we all know how this works,” Chuck says as they gather outside upon release and for once he’s correct. “No one talks, no one gets into trouble.”

Everyone exchanges solemn glances and nods, though Dan rolls his eyes a little as he does so.

"Don't worry," Blair tells Serena as the crowd dissipates. "Most of them probably don’t even know it was you who started the party anyway."

Serena nods. "It'll be fine," she says, like Blair's the one who needs comforting. "You're not worried about the individual interviews, are you?"

"Please, teachers love me," Blair says with a smile. "Piece of cake."

And indeed, she has nothing to worry about.

“I reviewed your record. It’s pristine,” Headmistress Queller says from behind her leather desk. “I would never have expected this from you.”

“I know,” Blair says, laying on just the right amount of sheepish embarrassment. “It was completely unfortunate.”

The headmistress closes her folder and clasps her hands before her on the desk, switching tacts. “I don’t need to remind you Miss Waldorf that you are in a different position than the others. You need this school. Now, who broke into the pool?”

Blair fumes at the implied threat but arranges her features into an expression of perfect innocence. “Like you said, this was a complete anomaly for me. I don’t know anything about it.”

 

Chuck hosts a party for them to all write the essay the headmistress is forcing on them: ten thousand words in which to ‘explain themselves,’ likely the only real punishment any of them is going to get. It’s the kind of bullshit Blair could spin in her sleep, but Serena’s going so Blair goes too.

Nate waves at her when she comes in and she waves back, smiling. Contemplating kissing girls at parties is undoubtedly a regular occurrence for him and she’s glad he’s not being weird about it. And maybe a little disappointed. It would be beautiful if he was pining. She surveys the rest of the party, not realizing she’s looking for Dan until her spike of disappointment at not finding him. What is wrong with her?

Serena brings her over to a couch she’s claimed by the window and they settle in, yellow legal pads perched on their knees. Unsurprisingly, the suite is furnished with ample food and drink but very few writing materials. The two of them do more chatting than writing and are still probably the most productive ones there.

It's boring work and upon filling a page, Blair gets up for a bathroom break, spending some time fixing her hair and snooping through cabinets. She’s barely reentered the hallway before she’s yanked into a bedroom, door closing behind her with a snap.

“What the hell, Penelope?” she snaps, half furious, half relieved it’s not Chuck.

“I saw you,” Penelope hisses.

“What?”

“In the pool. With Nate.”

Blair shakes her head in exasperated confusion. She can’t imagine what Penelope thinks she saw; all Blair can think of is what _didn’t_ happen.

“You were totally flirting with him!” Penelope says, voice rising to an uncomfortably high pitch. “And I see how he’s been looking at you. So this is your warning. Stay. Away.”

“Or what?” Blair says, unable to resist rising to the challenge.

“Or, I tell Headmistress Queller that it was you who broke into the pool.”

Blair scoffs at Penelope’s smug grin. “So everyone will know you’re a snitch _and_ a liar? Great plan.”

“Who’s gonna call me a liar? You were there before anyone else. Anybody she asks will confirm that.”

“Not anyone. Serena was there too.”

Now it’s Penelope’s turn to scoff. “Please. Serena’s record is so bad that she barely got back into Constance when she came home. You really think she would stick her neck out for _you_?”

Yes, Blair had thought that, and in the face of Penelope’s amused pity it suddenly seems incredibly stupid of her.

“Stay away from Nate,” she reiterates, knocking against Blair’s shoulder as she leaves.

The galling thing is that Blair had no intention of pursuing Nate, may not even be capable of it if that moment in the pool was any indication. But the idea of Penelope thinking she’s won and successfully intimidated Blair into silence is infuriating.

She slowly returns to the party, to her classmates, sprawled around Chuck’s suite laughing and drinking. Safe. Untouchable. Her eyes find Serena, as relaxed as any of them. If the worst happened, if Penelope got it into her head to ruin Blair over some imagined slight, Serena _would_ vouch for her, wouldn’t she? She wouldn’t let Blair go down for something that had been her idea, not when Blair hadn’t even wanted to go. Blair’s sure of it. Almost sure.

Serena waves for Blair to rejoin her and she does, settling in next to her, shoulder to shoulder. It doesn’t take long to calm herself down. After all, if it comes down to it, who is Queller more likely to believe: perfect Blair Waldorf with her pristine record, or notorious party girl Serena van der Woodsen? No, Blair has nothing to worry about.


	10. Valentine's Day

In the end, the pool party incident tapers off to die with an embarrassing whimper. Headmistress Queller continues to hold them hostage with ominous threats until parents get fed up with the harassment of their precious offspring. With no new leads, she’s forced to concede defeat. They’re all assigned a token amount of community service and are free to move on with their lives.

Blair is happy to do so, but after all the weirdness of what happened in the pool and the persistence of Dan’s unwanted presence in her thoughts, she decides to stand him up for one of their not-dates at MOMA.

“I knew you were going, but I never actually said I was going to meet you there,” she points out when he asks about it the next day in the library. Plausible deniability, built in every step of the way.

Dan does not look impressed. She pretends to be absorbed in her prep book to avoid his gaze.

He turns back to his own book and is unusually quiet for the rest of the period. Counter intuitively, this makes Blair less productive. Her eyes keep wandering towards him without her permission and when she does force them back to the page she keeps reading the same question over and over. She would never admit it, but she’d been enjoying their little outings and now she’s disturbed whatever delicate balance had made them work. And there was no reason to, after all she is most definitely _not_ interested in him, so surely there’s no harm in their continuing to spend time together.

She clears her throat delicately as they’re readying themselves to leave. “I was thinking of going to the Degas exhibit at the Morgan this weekend.”

Dan pauses his attempt to cram all his books back in his bag. “I’ll see you there,” he says, a promise and a challenge.

“Okay.”

 

Monday morning, Serena is waiting for Blair at the top of the subway, catching her right as she comes up the stairs.

“I have a favor to ask,” she says, pulling a magazine out of her bag.

Expecting to be asked for fashion advice, Blair is surprised when Serena turns it over to reveal a copy of the _New Yorker_.

“Dan’s story is in here. The one Jenny entered.”

“Have you read it?” Blair asks, curiosity piqued.

“No, that’s the problem. He asked me not to in case it was something he wrote while I was away and I get it, I mean I want to leave that in the past too, but...” she bites her lip.

“But you really want to.”

“Yes!” she moans. “He never lets me read anything he writes and I’m dying to. But if it’s all about how much he hates me then I probably shouldn’t so... could you read it for me? Just to see if it’s anything awful, then you can tell me whether or not I can read it myself.”

“Yes, of course,” Blair says, taking the magazine. “I’ll try to find time before lunch.”

“Thanks, B.” She blows her a kiss as they reach the courtyard and part ways.

Blair gets to class early and eagerly flips through the magazine for the story, already looking forward to tearing it to shreds like she does his SAT practice essays. It takes her awhile to find, forgetting about the fake name Jenny entered him under, but once she does she determines to skim it before class begins. She only makes it a paragraph before her pace slows to a crawl.

It’s strange, recognizing herself in the glossy black and white print of a magazine. Not relatable feelings or circumstances, but _her_ , the way she sits, the way she dresses, the curl of her hair.

It goes like this: A lonely boy sees a lonely girl sitting on the steps of the Met, passing by her every day as he walks to the park. She looks classic, he thinks, like something out of a movie.

It was clearly written before Dan actually met her, a textbook case of a boy seeing a pretty girl and projecting all over her, made bearable only by his moderate self-awareness of what he’s doing. It helps that the writing isn’t awful. One might even say good.

It ends just as he approaches her for the first time, finally determining to talk to her. She looks up at him and that’s it. A beginning.

Blair doesn’t notice class starting around her, doesn’t even look up until she’s reprimanded by the teacher. She puts the magazine away and doesn't take in a word of the lesson.

She reads it again before her next class, and again, and again, every chance she gets. He’d noticed her back when she was absolutely nobody, thought about her enough to write it down. Dan Humphrey wrote a story about her, it had gotten published, and was now a real, tangible thing that existed in the world. Hours later and she still can’t believe it. She wishes he’d said something. Wishes he really had just walked right up to her on the steps last year. Why hadn’t he?

She forgets all about Serena until she’s walking to lunch, to the spot Dan had walked past every day without her realizing. What is she going to tell her? She could say it was hateful and mean and Serena should avoid it at all costs, but then curiosity could easily get the better of her. She could pretend she hasn’t had a chance to read it yet, but that will only work for so long. Either way, the chance of getting caught in a lie is high. But why should she lie? Blair hasn’t done anything wrong, or at least she hadn’t at the time the story was written. This is entirely on Humphrey.

Still, she doesn’t bring it up herself and her heart skips a beat when Serena finally asks, “Did you get a chance to read Dan’s story?”

“Oh, that,” Blair says, like she hasn’t spent the entire morning obsessing over it. “Yeah, I did.”

Serena waits. “And?”

“And it wasn’t even about you, so no need to worry.”

“It wasn’t about me?” Clearly this possibility had never even occurred to her. Blair can’t really blame her. It hadn’t occurred to her either.

“Nope.” Serena holds out her hand and Blair digs the magazine out of her bag to give back to her. There’s no good way to say it. Better she just read it for herself.

“So, was it good?” Serena asks.

Blair shrugs. “If you like that sort of thing.”

She hopes she’s defused Serena’s curiosity enough that she won’t feel the need to read it right this minute, but no such luck. The magazine opens to the already well worn page and she begins. Her brow furrows and Blair looks away.

“This - this is about _you_.”

“Is it?” Serena gives her a well deserved look calling bullshit. “I mean, I wasn’t sure. It seemed so unlikely.”

She frowns, looking back at the magazine. “So you guys knew each other? Before?”

“No!” Blair says hurriedly. “I never even noticed him.” As she says it she does notice him, walking towards them up the steps. He stops short at the sight of the magazine in Serena’s lap.

“Oh. You've uh, you've read that then. Great.”

Dan isn’t meeting Blair’s eye but Serena is looking between them intently. “Yeah. Not what I was expecting,” she says.

“Yeah, well, I was, you know, trying something different.” He’s doing a better job selling the this-is-entirely-his fault narrative than Blair ever could. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

It's what she'd expected him to say, even wanted him to say for Serena's sake, so it would be ridiculous of her to be disappointed. Even just a little.

“It’s good,” Serena offers and the tension eases.

“Thanks.” And he does glance at Blair, just briefly, before awkwardly turning on his heel and walking away.

Serena watches him go then puts the magazine in her bag. They don’t talk about it again.

 

“So what did you think?” Dan asks her later when they’re supposed to be doing their SAT prep.

“You made some questionable punctuation choices, but overall it wasn't terrible.”

“Gee, thanks,” Dan says, sounding amused.

She wonders if he'll ask what she thought of the rest of it, the Dan-and-Blairness of it all, but he doesn't.

 

“Oh my god, he likes you!” Vanessa exclaims after Blair oh so casually mentions there is currently a story about her published in the _New Yorker_.

“Ha ha.”

“No, I'm serious! He definitely has a thing for you, I mean, come on.”

“Ew, no,” Blair says automatically, turning over on her bed. “I mean- no. There's no way. Even the thought of that is-”

“Scary?” Vanessa finishes.

Blair rolls her eyes. “Like a horror movie, yes.”

“Look Blair, I know denial is kind of your thing-”

“It is not!”

Vanessa laughs. “Okay, fine. But seriously, from what you’ve told me it kinda sounds like you’re already dating.”

“What are you talking about? We’re not even friends!”

“Aren’t you always going to stuff together?”

“Yeah, but it’s just all the stuff I used to do with you! _We_ certainly weren’t dating.”

“No, but _I_ never wrote a story about how pretty I thought you were.”

“You just want me to get you free Lincoln Hawk tickets,” Blair grumbles.

“You got me.” Blair can practically hear her fond eye roll. “All I'm saying is, from what I saw at your birthday he was cute and funny and it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if he wanted to date you.”

No, not the worst thing, but disastrous all the same. She sighs. “Even if you’re right, which you are not, he’s Serena’s ex-boyfriend.”

“So?”

“Don't pretend you don’t know! You’re the one who made me go see _Mean Girls_ with you in middle school. He’s off limits.”

“Okay, but there’s got to be some sort of statute of limitations on that.”

“If there is, it’s definitely more than three months.”

Vanessa’s quiet a moment, considering. “Could you talk to Serena about it?”

“Definitely not. As far as she’s concerned they’re just on pause.”

“But does he think that?”

“Probably! I don’t know! And it doesn’t even matter because I’m not interested.”

"Right."

 

Vanessa doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t have any solutions either. Blair ends the conversation frustrated and angry at her for even bringing up the possibility. Because now that the idea has been spoken, it’s taken root in her brain and she can’t get it out. She catches herself curling her hair before her next not-date with Humphrey and thinking about which outfit he'd like. Furious, she throws down her options and decides to just wear the first thing she picks out of her closet, ugh no not that, okay the _second_ thing she picks out of her closet.

 _You do not like Dan Humphrey_ , she reminds her reflection sternly. In fact, she hates him, hates his artfully disheveled uniform and his fancy SAT prep books, his need to share his opinion on every single little thing. She hates that he just laughs whenever she's mean to him, that he wrote a whole stupid story about her and it didn't even mean anything.

 

“My friend Vanessa thought we were dating.” They're walking down 6th Avenue together, clutching their coffee cups to keep their hands warm. “Ridiculous, right?”

She searches his face for a reaction but he doesn't meet her eye. “Yeah. Ridiculous.” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Though um, Jenny sort of thought the same thing when she found out.”

“Jenny knows?” Blair exclaims, horrified.

“It’s fine. She’s not going to say anything.”

Blair knows better. It’s only a matter of time before Jenny leaks this to Gossip Girl, she’s probably just waiting for the moment it’s guaranteed to do the most damage. “We have to tell Serena.”

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

Blair nods. “She's going to find out eventually and when she does-”

“She's going to jump to the same conclusion,” Dan finishes. “Yeah, makes sense.”

“It's not like it's a big deal,” Blair says, to herself as much as him. “I mean we're just friends, right?”

“Right. Of course.”

 

They decide to tell her together at Penelope’s Valentine's Day party, figuring they'll look practically like strangers amidst all those couples. Best not to even mention all the lying by omission they’ve done, Blair instructs him. Dan will come up to to her and Serena and mention in passing how they happened to run into each other at the movies last week and Blair will be perfectly pleasant towards him. She’ll mention an exhibit she’s thinking of going to, Dan will say he was planning on going too, and they’ll make a vague plan to go together. Dan will leave before Serena can say anything and just like that, they will have very casually formed a friendship right before her eyes. It will be fine.

She drills him on what to say until he’s rolling his eyes and teasing her exactitude. By the time they part she’s satisfied he gets it, but in the days that follow she can’t stop worrying. She’s not even sure what she’s afraid of. Serena’s always wanted them to get along, surely she’ll be happy it’s finally happening. And if she insists on joining them at the art exhibit she’ll undoubtedly get bored and leave them to it in the future. Wasn’t that why they’d never invited her to these things in the first place?

Still, the prospect of Serena knowing they’re friends, even if she takes it well, is unpleasant in a way Blair can’t quite name. Perhaps it’s that once they’re out as friends, that’s all they’re ever going to be - properly defined and categorized, no danger to the ongoing narrative of Dan and Serena’s love story. The possibility that all the movies and study sessions and chance conversations in empty hallways were building to something else will be gone. That possibility nags at her, the potential of it growing until it becomes all-consuming. Paralyzing.

 _You don't have to live in Serena van der Woodsen's shadow_ , says Jenny's voice in her head.

 

 

Blair bought a dress for the party while out shopping with Serena weeks ago and she’s glad not to have to think about it. She can barely think at all, going through the motions of getting ready and leaving her house a good half hour before she needs to. It’s not until she’s giving the cab driver the address that she admits to herself what she’s doing.

By this time, Jenny will already be at the party helping/undermining Penelope’s preparations and Rufus will be out celebrating Valentine’s Day with Lily. Dan will be at the penthouse alone.

He comes into the foyer at the sound of the elevator, most of the house already in shadows.

“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” He looks her over, and she brushes at an imagined lose strand of hair.

“I don't know,” she says, answering both his questions at once. “I wanted to talk to you.” She hopes she sounds more sure of herself than she feels; all nervous and fluttery.

“Did you want to go over what we’re saying to Serena again? Because that’s really not necessary.”

“You're already making me regret this, Humphrey,” she snaps.

“Regret what?” He takes a few steps forward, looking at her so fondly that it makes something settle inside her.

“What if Jenny and Vanessa were right?” she forces out. “What if we’re not just friends?”

He hardly seems startled by the idea, in fact she thinks he’s holding back a smile. He begins to close the distance between them and she steps forward too, almost against her will. “Yeah, we should probably figure that out.”

She clears her throat a little. “And how would you suggest we do that?”

He’s very close now and her heart pounds as he leans in. Ages pass in that moment, their faces mere inches apart. She wonders how long he’ll wait. How long he’s been waiting.

Blair’s kissed several people before, but she’s always thought of herself as still waiting for her First Kiss. Those other ones were all part of games or dares or just hadn't been quite right, so she'd written them off as practice. They didn't count. This one does.

She yanks him in by his lapels, the first press of their lips a little too rough. It takes him a moment to catch up, one of his hands settling warm on her cheek, the other finding her waist, pulling her into him. She hadn’t let herself think about how much she wanted this, hadn’t even realized until it was happening. His mouth is warm and soft, opening under hers and she thrills at the thought that he’s been wanting this too.

“So?” he asks once they've broken apart.

She smiles and kisses him again.

 

They're running late to the party. Despite Blair’s misgivings, they share a cab on the way over, sitting way too close. It’s not long before Dan voices what she's been thinking.

“What are we going to tell Serena?”

Blair bites her lip. At this point telling Serena they’re just friends seems worse somehow then telling her nothing at all. Telling her that they’re dating is unthinkable. Are they dating? Blair probably shouldn’t assume just because they kissed. She decides to play it safe.

“Nothing yet.” She looks at him for an objection but receives none. “I'll try to get her used to the idea first, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan says, twirling a finger through one of her loose curls.

 

She makes him get out of the cab a few blocks away so they won't be seen arriving together, entering on her own. There are hearts and stupid little cupids everywhere and it hits her that she and Dan have gotten together on Valentine's Day. Appalling.

Serena finds her almost immediately. “Blair! There you are, I was getting worried.”

“Ugh, I got held up by my mother,” she says with a grimace.

“Have you seen Dan? He should have been here like an hour ago.”

“Nope.” She decides to test the waters. “Maybe he has a secret Valentine.”

Serena looks at her sharply. “What makes you say that?” Still frigid then.

“Nothing, just that you guys have been broken up for awhile now. It's possible.”

Serena looks troubled for a moment, then relief breaks over her face. “There he is!” She turns to Blair triumphantly. “See, nothing to worry about.”

Blair looks over her shoulder to see Dan enter and involuntarily smiles at the sight of him. God. This is going to be a problem.

Serena waves at him and he starts heading over, but Blair gives him a tiny little shake of her head. Thankfully he catches it and veers away from them at the last minute.

“Okay, that was weird,” Serena admits. “But I'd know if he was dating someone. Or at least Gossip Girl would.”

Blair shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Stop being such a downer,” Serena says with a pout. “Come on, we're single on Valentine's Day! Let’s go get drunk.”

They spend the whole evening together, giggling and brushing off boys. Dan has been pressed into service as Nate’s human shield against Penelope so luckily their paths don’t cross much. Occasionally she’ll spot him through the crowd and when she does he’s often already looking at her. He always smiles when their eyes meet and it never fails to send warmth spiraling through her.

They're going to have to be careful.


	11. Spring Break

Dating Dan Humphrey turns out to be very similar to not dating Dan Humphrey. They have their study sessions during free period and occasional outings when they find the time, critiquing and bickering as they always have.

Yet at the same time, it’s all so new. Blair’s never had a proper boyfriend to do boyfriend things with her. They’re walking to the movies and he just takes her hand, like he’s not even thinking about it, continuing his rant about Merchant Ivory without pause. Meanwhile, Blair is left hyperaware of his touch, of his presence beside her. All of a sudden, the simple act of walking down the street is unfamiliar and strange. The awareness fades as he prattles on, distracting her until it’s just nice. His hand in hers.

They wind up making out in the dark theater. It’s unacceptable, she _hates_ people who do that. She never would have allowed it if she hadn't seen the movie before.

 

Much as she might wish she could blame this sort of foolishness entirely on Humphrey, it’s her who drags him into a seldom trafficked corner of the library when they should be doing SAT prep.

“Isn’t this a bit risky?” he asks, having the audacity to sound dubious when his hands are already on her waist, dangerously close to her ass.

“Shut up, Humphrey.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Humphrey?”

“ _Dan_ ,” she says as obnoxiously as possible.

And then his mouth is on hers and they give up on talking.

He wasn’t wrong though, making out at school is a high-risk occupation and she should absolutely know better. She’s careful to ignore him in front of Serena and mandates that they maintain a minimum five foot distance while in company after his hand brushes against her waist during another one of the van der Humphrey brunches. But even then she can’t stop looking at him. Whether he’s teasing his sister, chatting with Nate, or reading a book in the courtyard, he’s constantly drawing her eye. It’s so stupid, the joy she gets just from knowing that he likes her, that there’s something between them no one else knows.

“When did you know you liked me?” she asks him one day in the library, poking him in the cheek with her pen to get his attention.

He swats her hand away. “Hmm?

“When you liked me. I mean you did write that story about me like a year ago so...”

He groans and thumps his head down on the table. “I still can’t believe you’ve read that.”

“Only about a hundred times.” It seems a fair admission given that evidence of his crush is printed in a magazine for public consumption.

“Yeah?” he says, rolling his head to look at her.

“Don’t get all full of yourself,” she says, poking him again. “I’m just incredibly conceited.”

He laughs and sits back up. She looks at him expectantly. “I don’t know,” he protests.

“You must have some idea.”

“I don’t. I was in the middle before I knew I’d begun,” he quotes.

Blair rolls her eyes but is privately charmed. “Please. That’s no answer at all.”

He gives a beleaguered sigh. “Fine. I guess I had a bit of a crush on you last year, but then I actually met you and...”

“And you hated me.”

He snorts. “And you hated _me_.” He shrugs. “I liked you for awhile but I guess I knew I really liked you around Christmas.”

“Oh.” For all her teasing, it’s earlier than she had expected, before they’d really started hanging out.

“Yeah, sorry. I haven’t been pining for you all year.”

“But why Christmas?”

“I missed you over break,” he says with a shrug.

She presses her lips together to keep from smiling. “Hm. I didn’t miss you.”

He snorts. “Thanks.”

 

“What is up with you lately?” Serena asks at lunch.

Blair takes a deliberate bite of a carrot stick, taking her time to chew before replying, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, you just seem... brighter.”

Blair pretends to contemplate. “Well, I did start a new skin care routine.”

“Hm. Well maybe you could show me after school? I was hoping I could come over; Rufus is at the hotel with us all the time now and it’s getting awkward.”

“Oh, sorry, I’ve got plans with my mom tonight.” With Dan actually. It’s a lame excuse but Blair can only blame so much on schoolwork. “We’ve been trying to spend more time together.” She rolls her eyes a little to help sell it.

“Oh, okay. We’ll hang out this weekend though, right?”

“Of course!”

 

She does feel guilty. She does. Sneaking around with Serena’s ex-boyfriend behind her back is not the action of a good friend, or even a good person. There is no more plausible deniability; if Serena finds out about them there is no question she’ll be furious.

The simplest outcome would be if she and Dan fell apart just as quickly and quietly as they fell together, leaving them free to move on with their lives with no one the wiser. That was Blair’s original excuse for not telling Serena; she and Dan were so new, they might not be anything at all. No point blowing up a friendship for nothing. But the more time passes, the more Blair thinks that they could be something. The more she wants them to be. And they can’t organically fake the beginnings of a relationship like she had planned to do with their friendship, Serena could just forbid it and as her friend Blair would have to obey. More and more it becomes clear that she’s going to have to choose.

But why should she have to? It doesn’t seem fair that Dan belongs to Serena’s forever just because she saw him first. He broke up with her and he decided to be with Blair. Why can’t that be enough?

She delivers a portion of this rant to Dan, who is less than helpful, shrugging as he says “She’ll have to come around eventually.”

And yes, of course Serena will eventually forgive _him_. She’s loved him forever, known him for longer, and will soon literally be living with him. Blair doesn’t have that history, or that access. And she’s the best friend. Her’s is the worse betrayal.

He must see her doubt because he says, “I’m not saying she won’t be mad, but she’ll forgive you. I mean, I forgave Nate and what he did was way worse.”

“Yeah, you sound totally over it,” Blair snarks. “Can you really say things are the same between you now?”

Dan considers. “No... but it was never going to stay like it was when we were kids forever. That doesn’t mean we’re not still friends.”

Blair nods, but is far from comforted. It all comes down to history, the foundation Dan, Serena, and Nate have that she’ll never share. Without it, she simply doesn’t know if Serena cares about her enough to forgive her.

“I won’t say anything to her,” Dan promises. “Whatever you want to do.”

 

In the end, the decision is taken out of her hands.

The blast hits when she’s on her way to meet Serena on the steps for lunch. Blair stops to check her phone at a crosswalk and her stomach drops, even though she knew it was inevitable. There was always an invisible timer counting down to this very moment and it’s finally run out.

The picture is hardly scandalous, just her and Dan walking around downtown, his arm over her shoulders, but it’s damning all the same.

_Sorry S, looks like B isn't as loyal as she pretends to be._

Blair stares at it, heart racing. It’s fine, she can explain this. They just happened to run into each other and there was something on Blair’s shoulder so Dan had reached over to brush it off and the picture had been taken at the exact wrong moment. That’s plausible, right? Right.

But the more she looks at it, the less hopeful she becomes. Because the most incriminating part isn’t Dan’s arm around her, it’s the look on her face. She looks happy. Brighter, like Serena said. It would be a cute picture, if not for the end times it heralded.

Maybe Serena hasn’t seen it yet. Blair checks Gossip Girl obsessively these days, but there’s no reason to suspect Serena does the same. Maybe Blair will have time to prepare her, soften the blow.

But by the time Blair reaches her, it’s clear she’s too late. Serena stands as she approaches, towering above her on the steps.

“S, I can explain,” she says, trying to cobble together the most palatable mix of truth and lies. But her voice dies as she looks at Serena’s face. The shock and hurt and confusion Blair was expecting are nowhere to be found. There’s only cold fury. And then, a hint vindication. “You knew.”

“Did you really think I wouldn't notice when you and Dan kept blowing me off?”

“I-” Blair opens her mouth and closes it again, not knowing what to say. She doubts ‘I'm sorry’ is going to cut it. She's never seen Serena look at anyone the way she's looking at her now.

Serena shakes her head at Blair’s silence. “I thought I was just being paranoid but when I asked Penelope to follow you it didn't take her long to turn something up.”

“You had Penelope _spy_ on me?” Blair says, forgetting her guilt for a moment in her indignation. “Why didn't you just ask me about it?”

“Like you would have told me the truth,” Serena snaps. “You've been lying to my face for weeks, maybe months. Why would I trust anything you say?”

“I was going to tell you,” Blair says, pleading. “I just wanted some time to figure out if it was anything serious.” She's already half decided to say it's not, to beg forgiveness and promise to never speak to Dan again. He’s been off limits from the start, she knew that. How could she ever justify losing her best friend over something as silly as a boy?

But then Serena says, “Trust me, it's not. The only reason he's doing this is because of me.” Blair gapes at her and she elaborates. “You know, I hooked up with his best friend, so he hooks up with mine. Now we're even.”

All of Blair's guilt is washed away in a flood of anger. “Yes, because everything's always about _you_ ,” she spits. “There's no way he might actually like some nobody from Brooklyn, right?” Serena avoids her gaze but doesn't deny it.

Blair lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Admit it, this whole time you've just been using me to feed your ego.”

“Like how you've been using me to get attention?” Serena counters. “Dan wouldn't have looked twice at you if it weren't for me, no one would have.”

Blair gives Serena her bitchiest smile. It's that or cry. “Well he's looking now, so I guess that means I’ve outgrown you.”

She turns and stalks down the steps, leaving while she still has the last word. Her anger carries her to the courtyard in record time, heads turning as she enters. Dan is there, talking to Nate, probably providing his own much less dramatic explanation for the post.

Blood boiling, she marches over and kisses him in front of everyone, grabbing his tie and pulling him in. She can hear the clicking of camera phones and feels a vicious satisfaction in knowing this will make it back to Serena in seconds.

Judging a sufficient amount of time has passed, she breaks the kiss, pulling away from Dan’s stunned face. “See you during free period?” she says sweetly, smoothing down the lapels of his blazer.

“Uh, yeah,” he stutters. She can see concern seeping in through his confusion but ignores it, smiling and walking past him up the steps into Constance as whispers erupt all around her. The eyes of the entire courtyard are upon her and she pauses at the top of the steps, hand light on the stone railing, to look down at them. In that moment, she feels how Serena must feel all the time. Like a movie star. Like a queen.

 

She spends the rest of lunch in the bathroom, calling Vanessa to rage to about Serena. Vanessa listens patiently, but instead of chiming in with _that bitch_ or some variation thereof (Blair's not picky) she asks, “You do realize spite isn't the best foundation for a relationship, right?”

“The relationship started weeks ago,” Blair protests.

“Your public relationship, then. As opposed to your secret relationship, which was founded on lies.”

“Why are being like this? You’re the one who said I should date Dan.” Honestly, she’s surprised she’s yet to get an _I told you so_.

“I did. I just want to make sure you’re not losing sight of what’s really important.”

“I have to go,” Blair says, snapping her phone shut before Vanessa can say anything else.

 

Admittedly, she had perhaps gotten a little carried away. When she meets Dan in the library she wastes no time apologizing for the whole scene in the courtyard.

“It definitely wasn’t how I expected you’d react to everyone finding out.” He bites his lip. “I’m guessing your talk with Serena didn't go well?”

Blair shakes her head then gives him a brief rundown of the fight, skimming over some of the nastier things she'd said herself and reporting what Serena had said with an eye roll, like wasn't it all so ridiculous. _She_ certainly didn't give it any credit.

Her careful recounting may not have been entirely successful because when she’s finished Dan says, “You know that's not true, right? Serena doesn't have anything to do with this.”

She does though. Serena has always been at the back of Blair's mind, she has to have been in Dan’s too. There was a reason he'd come to her house the night of cotillion, the night Serena and Nate had been together, and the more she thinks about it the more she doubts it was really just to talk. Serena’s best friend for Dan’s. Payback. But she nods and smiles at him because he's looking at her all earnest and she wants to believe him, she really does.

He sighs and shakes his head. “I didn't think she'd take it _that_ badly.”

 _She's still in love with you_ , Blair doesn’t say, afraid of what it might mean to him. Instead she shrugs. “Well, she's going to have to get used to it because this is happening.”

Dan smiles and reaches over to smooth a strand of hair behind her ear, lingering to brush his thumb over her cheekbone. “Yeah, it is.”

 

 

The one singular good thing about the Gossip Girl blast is that it happens right before spring break, giving Blair a whole two weeks to avoid the consequences. She spends as much time as she can get away with Dan, which is pretty much all the time. Upon hearing the news she has a boyfriend, her mother had subjected her to a brief interrogation before seeming to forget about it entirely.

Blair is therefore free to stay at Dan’s house, which is practically empty with Jenny in Aspen and Rufus dividing him time between Lily and work on his new album. The housekeeper Dorota is still there, a constant presence that unnerves Blair at first but only takes her a few days to becomes accustomed to. It helps that Dan says Dorota likes her.

They do spend a lot of time studying. The SAT is only weeks away now and Dan is still a disaster when timed. Blair used to find that funny, but she has unfortunately become invested in his success and wants him to do well. He teases her for fretting until she switches back to goading him, but his scores do improve.

They also spend a lot of time not studying.

Blair’s never really thought about sex before, not seriously. It’s never presented itself as a real possibility and she’d already resigned herself to waiting until college. But now, at Dan’s house, in Dan’s bed, it seems inevitable, even those times when all they’re doing is sitting there watching a movie.

Dan never brings it up. He seems perfectly happy to follow Blair’s lead in whatever they’re doing, but he must think about it. Expect it, even. He and Serena probably had sex all the time. It feels childish of her to be thinking of it as this huge thing.

It’s still early days though and she doesn’t have to do anything right this minute. She can just enjoy what’s happening now.

 

Blair dreads the return to school, sure there will be some retribution awaiting her there. She hasn’t heard from Serena at all, not that she expected to, and as far as she knows, neither has Dan.

She asks him about it the on the last day of break while they’re sequestered in his room watching _Funny Face_ (her choice). He shrugs and says he hasn't.

“You haven't spoken to her at all?” She watches him carefully for any sign of lying.

Dan just shakes his head, which doesn’t give her much to go on.

“She probably just needs space,” he says after a moment. “I'm sure once school starts things will go back to normal.”

Blair purses her lips. For her, normal still feels like sitting alone on the steps watching the Dan and Serena saga play out on Gossip Girl. And Serena’s not her only worry either. Her relationship with Dan existed first in secret, then in isolation, and she doesn’t know how well they’ll manage actual dating in the public eye.

She doesn't ask for reassurance because she doesn't want to need it, so instead refocuses on the movie. It's her favorite part, Fred photographing Audrey all over Paris as she acts out fantasy after fantasy.

“Paris looks so lovely,” she sighs.

“We should go sometime,” Dan says absently, tracing circles on her back.

She snorts. “Yes, because we can all afford to just _fly off to Paris_.” She wonders if he'll offer to pay for her and if she should be offended if he does. Vanessa would say she should. As supportive as she’s been about this whole thing, she'll probably threaten to never speak to Blair again if she starts accepting trips to Europe from her Upper East Side boyfriend.

He seems to realize the potential misstep. “I mean, I'll be going there this summer to stay with my mom and I - well, maybe you should come.” She turns to stare at him and he shrugs, looking awkward. “I'm sure she'd like to meet you.”

His mom? Paris? This _summer_? That’s months away. She bites back a smile.

“It’s just an idea,” Dan says. “If you don't want to-”

“No,” she says quickly. “It sounds nice.”

She settles against him to watch the movie, leaning her head on his shoulder.

 _S’wonderful, s’marvelous, that you should care for me_.


	12. Jenny's Birthday

Perhaps it was naive of Blair to assume she could continue to eat lunch on the steps. It simply hadn’t ever been a destination for anyone else; Constance court was always held in the dining hall, or the courtyard on particularly nice days. But when Blair heads towards the Met for lunch, her feet taking her there without thought, she is stopped short by the sight of Serena surrounded by a flock of girls in candy colored spring peacoats. Jenny is among them, giving Blair a sympathetic look as the other girls titter and glare at the sight of her. Serena doesn't look at her at all.

Blair keeps walking on to the park as if that’s what she’d been intending all along, texting Dan to meet her there instead. Serena has superior numbers and possession of both the moral and literal high ground, this is not a battle Blair can win.

She had thought it strange for Serena to send Penelope of all people to do her spying for her, but clearly it was a precursor for things to come. Serena is queen again, like she was before her disappearance, retaking her old place seemingly just by wanting it again. By royal decree, Dan and Blair are basically lepers. They can clear the courtyard just by walking into it. Even freshmen have the nerve to give them the cold shoulder. The message comes through loud and clear: _You are nothing without me_.

“We just have to wait it out,” Dan reasons. “She can't stay mad forever.”

Blair's not too sure about that, but supposes it could be worse. She and Dan both spent most of sophomore year alone, at least now they have each other. In fact, if the Blair from a year ago could see her now she’d probably be impressed by her situation, albeit shocked and somewhat confused at her choice of boyfriend. Serena van der Woodsen is as out of reach as she ever was, so her loss would not be mourned. Logically, it’s a net gain.

That’s not what it feels like it though. It’s hard to go back to being no one after being known by Serena.

At least they still have Nate, who is a blessing. He chats with them between classes and drops in on them during lunch like he doesn’t even realize they've been blacklisted and because he’s Nate he can get away with it. “I'll talk to her, guys,” he promises. “She'll come around.”

 

As Dan’s sister, Jenny is also given more leniency as it's accepted that there are some circumstances in which she'll have to talk to him. She's careful to toe the line at school but will at least smile at Blair in the halls. At home, she’s more outspoken.

“I can’t believe her!” she says, bursting into Dan’s room where he and Blair had been “studying.” She falls dramatically into an armchair. “I’ve been working for this all year, throwing parties, arranging favors, being _sweet_ , and she just flips her hair and the whole school is hers again?”

“That’s Serena,” Dan says dryly, giving Blair an apologetic look as they untangle themselves.

“At least my birthday’s coming up. That’ll give me a chance to retake focus.” She sits up and points at Blair. “You’re coming by the way.”

“Are you sure? What if Serena tells people not to go?” All it would take is a dismissive comment that she has better things to do than spend the night celebrating some freshman’s birthday and Jenny’s party would be dead in the water.

“It’s my party. I decide the guest list, not Serena.”

Blair resents the idea of being used as part of some power play while Jenny sets the stage for her coup, but she isn't in a position to turn down allies.

“So you’re coming?”

“If you insist.”

“Great!” Jenny gets up and sails out of the room, pausing by the door to blow them a kiss. “You guys are cute.”

Dan groans but Blair barely minds the condescension. It’s nice to have someone on her side, even if it’s only Jenny Humphrey.

 

Jenny’s birthday plans involve dinner at Butter with the girls followed by an actual party at the Humphrey penthouse. The party won’t be so bad, with both Dan’s room offering an escape should she need one and Dan himself on her arm, but Jenny is insisting she come to the dinner too.

“I need to get control back from Serena and this is the perfect test to figure out who’s on my side,” she says. At Blair's eyebrow raise she adds, “And I want to spend time with you. Obviously.”

Blair doubts Jenny makes a formal announcement of her invitation, there’s nothing to be gained from challenging Serena so directly, but she does invite Blair over to get ready with her. Word evidently gets out because when they arrive at the restaurant ten minutes late, no one is there.

The two of them stare down the long, empty, white clothed table.

“Well, at least the meal will be cheaper than expected,” Blair says. It’s hard to feel vindicated when the thing she’s right about is her status as a social pariah.

“This isn’t over,” Jenny says, already typing furiously into her phone.

And indeed, before they’ve even made it through the bread basket, Nate has arrived, sitting on Jenny’s other side and giving her a half hug as he wishes her happy birthday. Blair’s impressed. The lure of a still single Nate Archibald will be hard to resist.

Jenny stages a photo to send into Gossip Girl and they wait to see who’ll take the bait. In the meantime it’s kind of nice, just the three of them, Nate across from Blair with Jenny at the head of the table. They order drinks, Nate teasing Jenny about how grown up she is like she’s his kid sister. Jenny clearly does not appreciate this but Blair very much does until they turn on her and start teasing her about Dan.

“I’m just saying, you guys are so lame. All you do is study and watch movies.”

“That’s not _all_ we do.”

“Yeah?” Nate says, eyebrows raised, and Blair kicks him under the table.

“I mean, at least you found each other,” Jenny says with a shrug.

They’re actually having a good time, not just a show of it, when the other girls arrive.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I’m late,” Penelope says, sliding into the chair next to Nate. “The um...”

“Traffic,” blurts Hazel.

“Yes! The traffic was crazy. My driver said he’s never seen anything like it.”

“Really?” Jenny says. “Gosh, that’s awful. I hope you don’t mind we started without you.”

“Of course not,” Penelope says and the girls all join her in a fake laugh.

Nate looks at Blair in mute appeal as Penelope scoots her chair closer to him.

“Hey Pen, could you flag the waitress?” she says sweetly. “We’re starving.”

Penelope’s show of astonishment at her audacity is cut off by Jenny, who points, “She’s over there. Behind you.”

Blair does her best to monopolize Nate during dinner, discovering that he took the SATs back in the fall and taking the opportunity to grill him on it while protecting him from the other girls who aren’t sure whether they’re allowed to participate in a conversation Blair is a part of. Jenny keeps the rest of them busy with a combination of petty orders and disarming compliments.

They make it through dinner without further incident and all of the girls follow Jenny back to the party, where Blair happily attaches herself to Dan.

As far as Blair can tell, it's a success. Jenny evidently still has enough pull to draw in a decent crowd, even if she has to use Nate to do it. Honestly, Blair and Dan might as well not be there for all the notice anyone takes of them, but whenever they try to escape upstairs Jenny shoos them back down.

The only person they manage to talk to is Eric, who clearly thinks he should ignore them out of loyalty to Serena but is too polite to actually do so.

“At least you’re not the freak who just got released from Ostroff,” he offers and Dan does one of those supportive boy gestures where he sort of claps him on the back.

They watch the ongoing competition for Nate's hand from the sidelines, providing commentary like it's a sporting event, until Dan gets called away to evict Chuck, leaving Blair alone. Serena's absence from the party suddenly feels glaringly obvious. Blair isn't sure what to do with herself without her.

As she searches the room for something to fix on, Blair is shocked to see Nelly Yuki standing in a dark corner, out of place even there in her sensible pants and blazer. Blair doesn’t feel bad about dropping Nelly once Serena came along, they were never that sort of friend and it’s probably best for Nelly’s health that she isn’t often in Blair’s direct line of sight now that SAT pressure is ramping up, but some twinge of fellow feeling prompts Blair to go join her.

“Hi.”

Nelly does not seem impressed to see her, but gives a pained smile in greeting anyway.

“I didn’t know you knew Jenny,” Blair says, which seems the most tactful way to ask her what she’s doing here.

“I don’t. One of her friends invited me. I think they’re trying to bribe me for help with the SATs.” She gives a dismissive shake of the head. “I wouldn’t normally come but I figured I should try something new now that...” Her voice becomes a little choked and Blair is alarmed at the thought Nelly might actually be distraught by the loss of her company.

“How’s, uh, Todd?” Blair asks, dredging the name up from the depths of her memory.

To her horror, Nelly bursts into tears. “That’s just it. He broke up with me. At a Flo Rida concert.”

“Oh...” It probably doesn’t speak well of Blair that her mind immediately goes to the effect this emotional turmoil might have on Nelly’s SAT scores.

“One minute we were waving our hands in the air like we just didn’t care and then...” She sobs.

It’s perhaps the most pathetic thing Blair has ever heard and does make her feel marginally better about her own life. “There there,” she says, awkwardly patting Nelly on the back.

Nelly takes off her glasses to wipe her tears. “I heard about your boyfriend. Dan Humphrey. Wow.”

“Yeah,” Blair says, unsure if she can add anything without sounding like she’s bragging.

“I kinda thought you didn’t like him.”

“It was unexpected,” Blair admits. “But it turns out we have a lot in common.”

“Todd and I had a lot in common,” Nelly says and starts crying again.

“Okay, maybe you should go home? Get some rest?” Nelly nods and Blair gently herds her towards the elevator.

Dan catches her as she finishes seeing Nelly off, slipping up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. “I think Jenny’s distracted. Want to make a break for it?”

Blair nods and takes his hand.

 

The party is perhaps not as well attended as it might have been, but it’s still a definite win for Jenny. Serena retaliates by having three cases of champagne delivered to the courtyard. The delighted crowd of those lucky enough to be there pop bottles until they’re broken up by Headmistress Queller. It's all anyone's talking about for the rest of the day. Serena gets pulled into the office but denies any knowledge of where the champagne came from and gets let off with a warning.

“It's ridiculous!” Blair exclaims to Dan. “You know if I did something like that I’d get expelled no matter how much I denied it.”

“I don't know, maybe she really didn't do it,” Dan says. Blair looks at him in disbelief and he shrugs. “I saw her when it arrived and she looked really confused. And Eric said Serena's been getting a lot of weird packages lately. Stuff she says she didn't order.”

Blair frowns. Why is he defending her? “She probably did then just forgot.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He doesn’t sound convinced.

 

 

Blair spends the evening before the SATs on the phone with Vanessa, who she had signed up for the test months ago without telling her. “I don't care what your hippie parents say V, college is important and you should at least have the option.” It keeps her from spending the whole night worrying about taking the test herself and in the morning she's in a good mood from her win.

The test is being held at a public school on the Upper East Side and Blair leaves early to make sure she finds it on time. Once there, she and Dan text back and forth until they’re able to find each other in the crowd. He’s less of a nervous wreck than she’d feared but she still insists on double checking all of his supplies. She’d brought extras for him, just in case.

Everything is alphabetical so they have to split up inside, getting in separate sign in lines to go to their separate testing rooms. Dan gives her a parting kiss and wishes her good luck.

Waiting in the U-Z line, Blair keeps an eye out for Nelly Yuki in the hopes of getting a last minute chance to evaluate her mental state.

“Hi, I’m Serena van der Woodsen.”

Blair whips around to stare at the front of the line, startled less by the name than the unfamiliar voice saying it. Unless she shrank five inches, dyed her hair red, and got a perm, the girl standing there is not Serena van der Woodsen. But after examining her ID, the lady at the sign in table nods her through.

Blair knows that some rich kids pay for people to take the SATs for them, this should not come as such a shock. But Serena had studied. Blair had _helped her_ study. She can picture Serena sitting in her room at the loft, chewing on a pen, a crinkle in her forehead as she goes through her prep book.

The woman has to ask for her name twice before Blair’s mind returns to the present, after which she determines to focus all her attention on the test. She refuses to allow Serena to sabotage her with her non presence.

 

The hours of testing pass quickly and though Blair’s already beating herself up over some missed questions, overall she thinks she did well.

“Not my finest hour, but I finished,” Dan says when they meet up. He almost sounds upbeat, which is encouraging.

She’s about to congratulate him but is distracted by the redhead passing them out onto the street.

“What is it?” Dan says, trying to figure out what she’s looking at.

“It’s-” she pauses, unsure if she wants to tell him. But she doesn’t have to protect Serena anymore. “That girl. She took the test for Serena.”

“Are you sure?”

“I was in line behind her. I heard her give her name.”

Dan frowns. “I knew Chuck was planning on paying someone but - I don't know. I thought she was better than that.”

Blair can’t blame him. She had too.

 

They see the pictures on Gossip Girl later, Serena stumbling out of some club the night before the test. “Just like old times,” Dan mutters.

“Not _just_ like old times,” Blair says, hooking her chin on his shoulder.

“No, I guess not.” He smiles and kisses her, but then he turns back to the picture, frowning.

 

 

Serena’s downward spiral proceeds at an alarming rate, like she’s picking up right where she left off sophomore year. Blair tells herself it’s not her fault - Serena's choices are her own no matter how much Blair hurt her - but the guilt is still there, popping up with every Gossip Girl post detailing Serena’s latest drunken mishap. Blair knows it’s all just a desperate cry for attention. She only hopes it isn’t working.

The night of cotillion keeps coming back to her, Dan drunk and rambling about how Serena doesn’t need him anymore. What would happen if she did?

 

Jenny wastes no time pressing the advantage given to her by Serena’s increasing absence, taking up with some Unity boy and trotting him around in front of the other girls, all of whom are currently single. She even invites Dan and Blair to go on a double date with them, which Dan adamantly refuses. Blair can understand him not wanting to go out with his sister, but she wishes they had, if only for entertainment value. It would have been a welcome distraction from her constant cycle of worrying about Serena and worrying about Dan worrying about Serena.

She’s so caught up in it that some random out of towner who doesn’t yet know that New Yorkers aren’t supposed to give a shit asks if she’s okay out of nowhere. Worse, Blair actually answers.

She’s at the coffee shop, waiting for her mother to get off work so they can go to dinner together. Eleanor has finally noticed the absence of Serena in Blair’s life and decided they should have a “girls night.” Blair is supposedly doing some reading for class but is really scrolling through Gossip Girl, picture after picture of Serena, shiny and wasted.

It’s her expression then that is apparently concerning enough for an absolute stranger to stop and ask her how she’s doing.

“I’m fine,” Blair snaps. But her emotional state must be worse than she realized because she stops the girl from leaving. “Actually no, I’m not.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Blair shrugs like she couldn’t care less but is a little relieved when the girl sits. She has wide, gray eyes in an open friendly face and before Blair knows it she’s spilling the whole story to her. She hadn't realized she’d been craving an outside perspective until she has one nodding along and making sympathetic noises.

“I dated a guy like that once, all caught up in this girl who used to be my friend.”

“So what happened?”

“I told myself it was nothing and got blindsided when he dumped me. You should be careful.”

“Yeah,” Blair says, troubled. It’s beginning to get dark outside and she checks the time. “Wow, I have to get going. Thanks for listening. I’m sorry I dumped all that on you.”

“No problem. I’m Sarah, by the way.” She holds out her hand and Blair shakes it.

“Blair.”

“Nice to meet you Blair.”

“You too. Are you new in town?”

“Yeah! How’d you know?”

Blair smiles. “Lucky guess.”

 

Sarah becomes a regular at the coffee shop and is delighted to learn Blair works there on the weekends. She’s apparently so new in town that she doesn’t have any friends yet, so Blair takes her under her wing. It’s tragic really, she still carries around actual guidebooks, which is hardly surprising considering she’s from Ohio or Iowa, one of those states Blair would rather die than step foot in. Ordinarily, she would never allow such a person to latch onto her, but she’s feeling generous. And has no other friends outside of her boyfriend.

Sarah’s a good listener and always ready with some cautionary advice. Obviously they don’t have anything like Gossip Girl where she’s from and she's always eager for updates on Blair's drama.

"I think the isolation at school is getting to me," Blair finds herself admitting.

"What about your boyfriend?" Sarah asks. "You've still got him, right?"

"Yeah, he's great. We're great."

"But...?"

Blair shrugs. "It's different for him. I mean, I'm the attention seeking gold digger and he’s the poor victim who’ll be accepted back into the fold as soon as I'm gone," she explains with an eyeroll. And then she’ll really have nothing.

Sarah cocks her head, frowning in concern. "Do you think he's gonna dump you?"

"What? No," Blair says at once. "I just worry. It's stupid."

Sarah bites her lip. "Yeah but... if you're worried, it's probably for a reason."

 

 

They still haven't had sex. Dan hasn’t said anything, but Blair thinks about it. Thinks about how she's never even come close before Dan and how the last person he was with was Serena. She can’t imagine she’ll come off well in comparison.

Dan on the other hand is more preoccupied with Jenny’s sex life. His begrudging attempt to get to know her new boyfriend somehow ends with Dan both catching him kissing another guy _and_ listening to him brag that he’s going to take Jenny’s virginity.

“Jenny doesn’t believe me, but I swear I saw him,” Dan tells her, fuming.

“Who was the guy?”

“I don’t know, I couldn’t see. He had a St. Judes uniform though.”

“You should send it in to Gossip Girl. Jenny might believe her.”

Dan raises his eyebrows. “Outing her boyfriend on the internet? That’s kinda dark.”

“Fine, just do nothing," she snaps. “That’ll fix things.”

He leans toward her, frowning as she avoids his eye. “Are you okay?”

She doesn’t know how to tell him what’s wrong without sounding crazy, or paranoid, or like she thinks he’s not enough. “I’m fine. Just stressed, I guess.”

“Anything I can do?”

She shakes her head but lets him put his arm around her. “We’re hanging out later right?”

He groans. “Sorry. There’s some wedding stuff I have to be home for.”

“Oh.” She wonders if Serena will be there.

“We’ll do something tomorrow though.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

Blair decides to sleep with Dan. It feels good, making an active decision to do something to secure their relationship. It will be good. Her mother is off on a buying trip and will be gone all weekend, and Blair acts quickly to take advantage of this opening. She buys condoms and expensive underwear, gets her homework done early, and clears her schedule, telling Sarah she can’t hang out because she’s doing something special with her boyfriend.

Heart pounding, she calls Dan. “So, I have the house to myself this weekend. Do you want to come over?”

“Uh, sure. I’m helping my dad with something right now, but I’ll come by right after.”

“Okay, great,” she says, buzzing with excitement and nerves. “I’ll see you soon.”

She sets the scene perfectly. She does her hair and her make-up. She chooses music. She lights candles. She puts on lingerie. She waits.

And waits.

And waits.

She calls and gets his voicemail.

She checks Gossip Girl.

He's there, of course, pictured half carrying Serena out of a club. Just like old times.

 

When he finally shows up hours later, the candles are gone and her eyes are dry.

“Hey, sorry I’m so late. Have you eaten? We could order something. And did you have a movie planned? I was thinking something from this century could be...” he trails off as she makes no move to greet him or chime in.

“How's Serena?”

His shoulders drop and he sighs. “I'm sorry. She called and she sounded really bad, so-”

“I get it. She needed you.”

He frowns at her tone. She still hasn’t moved from where she’s standing, the entire length of the room between them. “Come on Blair, it's not like that.”

“Really?” she says, crossing her arms. “What’s it like then?”

“We've known each other forever,” he says, like she’s being ridiculous, like that isn’t exactly the problem. “She’s about to become my sister! Of course I'm going to help her if she needs me.”

“Exactly. She's always going to come first.”

“It’s not like that,” he says again. “It’s family.” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “Look, I’m really sorry I’m late. Can we just start over?

He hadn’t known what Blair was planning, doesn’t realize what’s been ruined, and thank god because this would be so much worse if he had. It wouldn’t have made a difference. He’s always going to put Serena first. He hadn't even denied it. It’s always been the two of them and she knows how this story ends. Blair is smart. Blair will not be blindsided.

“I think you should just go.”

He blinks at her in confusion then moves forward, trying to close the distance between them. “Blair-”

She steps back. “Just go, Dan.”

He stops, upset and uncertain. It hurts to look at him. She wants so badly to just go to him, tell him it’s fine, he’s here now, and then they’ll pick a movie they won’t really watch and spend the whole night together. But she also wants to never feel the way she felt when she was waiting for him again, not ever. She can’t. So she stands firm.

Haltingly, glancing back at her, Dan turns to leave. He hesitates by the door, hand on the frame. “I'll call you later.”

“Don't bother.”

 

He calls her anyway, about ten times over the course of the weekend. She never picks up. It’s too late for him to call now when he should have called as soon as he’d known he was going to be late. It’s better this way, she tells herself as she deletes his messages and turns off her phone. Better to break up with him now then get dumped by him later to the amusement of the entire school.

“I know it’s hard,” Sarah says when Blair tells her. “But you did the right thing.”

She wishes it felt like it.


	13. Search Party

Blair knows Dan’s schedule by heart and goes well out of her way to avoid him at school on Monday. Of course, Dan also has her schedule memorized, but he’s not as adept at subterfuge and when he does manage to catch her outside one of her classes, she manages to lose him in the crowded hallway.

Nate does a better job of cornering her. He’s not on her radar and catches her unawares.

“I don’t understand what happened,” he says, sounding confused for his own sake, not just Dan’s.

“Nothing _happened_ , I just realized it wasn’t right.”

“But you guys seemed so good together. Can’t you at least talk to him?”

“It’s better this way,” she insists. That’s what Sarah had told her: a clean break. Nate is still looking at her with puppy eyed concern. She sighs. “Just tell him I need space right now.”

Nate doesn’t understand, but Nate is still holding out hope for Serena. _Don't you get it?_ she wants to shout at him. _It's not you! It’s never going to be you._

Whatever he tells Dan works though. He stops calling.

Jenny is less cooperative, trapping Blair in the girls bathroom and demanding she stop avoiding her brother. “Look, I know he can be an idiot sometimes and I don't know what he did, but if it's just about that Gossip Girl thing he's not even _talking_ to Serena anymore.”

“How’s that going to work when you’re all living together after the wedding?”

Jenny rolls her eyes. “Blair, you’re being ridiculous. He likes you _so_ much. It’s gross.”

Blair shakes her head. Jenny has her own agenda; she’d never liked Dan dating Serena and Serena getting her boyfriend back could only mean bad things for her campaign to be queen.

“Talk to him,” Jenny says before stalking out of the bathroom, the _or else_ left unsaid.

 

Jenny quickly gets too caught up in her own drama to follow through however. Apparently, she trusts the word of her childhood bestie more than her overprotective brother because she and Eric throw a party together to expose her new boyfriend, who it turns out was also Eric’s boyfriend, as a manipulative liar.

Blair is invited but skips out. Vanessa comes down for the weekend, bent on cheering her up, and the two of them go out with Sarah instead. Vanessa takes to Sarah immediately, giving her a whole list of things she has to do now that she’s living in New York.

After their first round of drinks, she knocks her shoulder against Blair’s and says, “Hey, in case I didn’t say it before, thank you for making me take the SAT. You were right, it’s good to have options. And I feel pretty good about it.”

“You’re welcome,” Blair replies. “But if you get a better score than I did without even studying, I will have to kill you.”

Vanessa laughs and gives her a half hug in the booth they’re sharing. “You’re doing okay, right?”

“Of course, I’m totally fine.” Vanessa’s concern only grows at this blatant overselling, so Blair amends, “I mean, I will be fine. It’s for the best, right? It was always going to happen eventually.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You know. Guys that like that don’t end up with girls like me.”

“Don’t say that,” interjects Sarah. “I’m sure any guy would be lucky to have you.”

“She’s right,” says Vanessa. “But while I am glad your life plan does not involve marrying rich, I don’t see why you have to cut him off entirely. I mean, you were friends before, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, and maybe someday...but I can’t even think about that right now.” She can’t imagine going back to being just friends with Dan. Even the thought of it hurts.

“I just-”

“I know, you worry about me.”

Vanessa gives her a rueful smile. “I do. But you’re right, you’re going to fine and-” she raises her glass to Sarah, “I’m glad you have such a great new friend looking after you while I’m not here.”

Sarah grins and raises her glass back.

Together, the two of them do a sufficient job of distracting Blair for the evening. It’s fun even, but sitting there, surrounded by happy chatter about film and the perils of living in the middle of nowhere, she can’t help feeling as though something’s missing. When they notice she’s being quiet, Vanessa and Sarah assume it’s because of Dan and start off on the deficiencies of boys in general. But it’s not Dan. It’s Serena. Blair misses Serena. She hadn't realized how much until now.

 

Blair bumps into Serena at the end of class one day, shocking them both. Serena hardly ever comes to school anymore.

“Are you okay?” Blair asks without thinking. She doesn't look okay. She looks like a mess and not in the fun party girl way. More like she hasn't been sleeping.

Serena looks at her with a mix of disbelief and suspicion that fades into uncertainty. “I-” She hovers there, on the verge of saying something, then glances around at all the people watching and gives a curt, “I'm fine,” before walking away.

 

Try as she might, Blair can’t remember what she used to do with her time. The routines she’d come to rely on, free period study sessions and downtown field trips with Dan, lunch on the steps of the Met and lazy afternoons talking in the loft with Serena, have all been stripped away and now her days are full of holes with nothing to fill them. She hardly ever speaks to anyone but teachers.

There are finals to study for and Sarah is around on weekends, but there’s nothing solid, nothing to look forward to except college, still over a full year away. That’s what Blair used to live for and it used to be enough. It’s harder than she thought it would be, going back to that mindset now that she knows there could be more.

At least junior year is winding down and Blair will soon have a whole summer in which to do a hard reset of her expectations. It will be good, time to refocus on what really matters and stop dreaming about reconciliations in the rain and Dan showing up at her house in the middle of the night because he can’t live without her.

 

As it turns out, being woken up by someone knocking in the middle of the night isn’t particularly romantic in practice. Blair makes it out of her room, stumbling until she finds the light switch, and yanks open the door.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, only half awake and convinced she's dreaming.

Serena wrings her hands, glassy eyed and disheveled. “I know you hate me but I didn't know where else to go.”

Blair ushers her in, giving thanks to the efficacy of her mother’s sleeping pills, and settles next to Serena on the couch.

“I don't hate you,” she says as soothingly as she can. She reaches up to smooth down the tangled mess of Serena’s hair before remembering herself and dropping her hand. “Of course I don't hate you.”

“You should though.” Serena’s voice is choked and Blair realizes she's crying, her face already wet with tears.

Blair takes hold of Serena's hand. “No, no, it was all my fault. I should have told you about Dan.”

Serena shakes her head. “It's not just that.” She looks at Blair with her hazy tear filled eyes. “I did something. Something bad.”

“What happened?” Serena shakes her head. “It's okay, you can tell me.”

But Serena just keeps shaking her head and saying she can't, her words slurring.

Blair looks at her helplessly, no idea what to do. Water maybe? Keep her hydrated? “I'll be right back, okay?”

She grabs a glass and goes into the bathroom, splashing some water on her face to wake herself up. She had been so sure Serena hated her, she doesn’t know what to do with the possibility she might not. If that even is what’s happening here.

Shaking off her bewilderment, Blair fills the glass with water and digs through the medicine cabinet for some Advil. Taking a deep breath, she returns to the living room.

Serena is gone.

“Serena?” she whisper shouts, conscious of her mother asleep in the next room. She checks her room then the hallway, but there’s nothing. Blair’s heart starts pounding. It’s fine. She probably just came to her senses and remembered Blair is the selfish bitch who stole her boyfriend. Maybe this whole thing was some weird prank designed to deprive her of sleep before finals.

But no, something _was_ wrong. Something’s been wrong with Serena for awhile now and Blair had been too caught up in her jealousy to see it. Whether she hates Blair or not, Serena shouldn’t be by herself right now.

She rushes downstairs to check if Serena is outside waiting for cab, but the street is empty. Returning to her room, she grabs her phone with fumbling fingers. Serena’s number goes straight to voicemail.

She tries again even though she knows it’s pointless. Giving up and going back to bed is impossible. If Serena had come to her looking for a friend, that’s what Blair is going to be.

Dan is still the first number in her speed dial and in the click of a button, the line is ringing. The wait is agony. It’s late and even if he’s not asleep he might not pick up when he sees it’s her.

He does.

“Dan?” Her voice comes out shaky and panicked.

“Blair? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Serena. She came by my house, totally wasted and crying and saying all this stuff, I don’t - she was in really bad shape. I left her alone for like a minute and when I came back she was gone. I don’t know where she went or what to do, I-”

“Hey, okay, it’s okay. I’ll call Eric and tell him to let us know if she comes home.”

“I don’t think she’s going home.”

“Yeah. Uh, I’ll go out and start looking, okay? Do you have any idea where she might have gone?”

“No, that’s why I called you,” she says, slipping into the testy tone of voice that had always seemed to amuse him as much as annoy him.

“Right. Well, I’ll check the usual places.”

“She might still be in Brooklyn. I’ll look around here.”

A pause. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do,” she snaps, though it’s her own fault that he assumed she wouldn’t want to. He must think her such a hypocrite for calling. “And we should keep an eye on Gossip Girl too.”

“Okay. You’ll let me know if you find her?”

“Of course. And you?”

“Yeah, of course.” He pauses, like he’s working up to saying something, or perhaps waiting for her to. When he does speak it’s just to say, “I better get going then.”

“Right.” It’s time to hang up. They have a lot of ground to cover and need to get started. “Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“I just -” It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like ages since she’s heard the sound of his voice. She can’t keep him on the line forever though, much as she might want to. “I’m just really worried about her.”

“We’ll find her,” he says firmly. “She’s going to be fine.”

Blair lets out another shaky breath, nodding to herself. “Okay.”

 

After changing out of her pajamas and grabbing a jacket and purse, Blair hits the sidewalk, turning off her residential street and heading towards the more heavily trafficked areas. Serena may have gotten into a cab and be on her way anywhere by now, but if she didn’t there are any number of local bars she could have gone to. It’s late enough that the streets are mostly empty and many places are beginning to close for the night. Blair stops everywhere that’s still open and asks the bartender if he’s seen a blonde girl in a silver coat.

This methodical approach gets her nowhere so she stops to consider her next move. She tries to imagine she’s Serena, upset and already more than a little drunk. How far could she reasonably have gotten? Where was she likely to go? Serena had spent a decent amount of time in Brooklyn over the course of their friendship but they had rarely gone out. In fact, there’s only one time she can remember, right after her birthday.

 

The bar they’d gone to see Vanessa’s sister play is still open, but only just. As she enters, Blair’s struck by the memory of the three of them huddled around a tiny table, Serena insisting they should form a girl group despite their combined utter lack of any musical ability, laughing with Vanessa as they thought up increasingly ridiculous band names.

And there she is, at that same table, leaning against some guy who seems all too willing to provide support. Blair shoos him off and sits in his place, Serena transferring her head to Blair’s shoulder without complaint.

Serena’s phone is lying abandoned under the table and she whines in complaint as Blair moves to grab it. She puts the phone in her pocket then turns to her friend, smoothing sticky hair back off her forehead. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, S.”

Serena mumbles something entirely incoherent.

Worried, Blair takes out her phone and calls Dan. He’s somewhere loud, bass pumping in the background, and it takes him a moment to get somewhere he can hear her.

“I found her,” she tells him. “In Brooklyn.”

He sighs in relief, staticky over the phone. “That’s great.”

“So what now? What do I do with her?”

“Her mom’s home so not the hotel. Uhh...my house should be empty right now. I’ll meet you there.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

 

It takes a good deal of effort to get up and moving, Serena insisting they stay just a little longer. Blair’s not really strong enough to support her weight so it’s slow going out of the bar and onto the street. Serena collapses to sit on the curb while Blair stands lookout for a cab, horrified on Serena’s behalf at the state of the sidewalk and what it must be doing to her dress.

Once she’s hailed a cab and successfully gathered Serena into it, she’s able to relax a little, which means free to contemplate seeing Dan. His worry about Serena, his inability to turn it off, makes sense to her now, rings true in a way it never did before. Seeing Serena like this is more frightening than she would have believed. It doesn’t mean she was wrong about Dan choosing Serena over her. But maybe she wasn’t right either.

 

 

When the cab pulls up to the building, it’s not just Dan that rushes out to meet them but Nate and Chuck as well. It appears some bonds run too deep to ever truly be broken.

Chuck pays the driver while Nate and Dan unload Serena from the cab with practiced ease. They move in a little group back inside the building and towards the elevator, supporting her between them. Blair trails further behind with every step, clearly no longer necessary. Serena is safe with her family and she doubts Dan wants to see her after all the shit she gave him for doing exactly this.

But it was _her_ that Serena came to tonight, not Dan or Nate or Chuck. Blair. Blair’s house. The bar Blair had brought her to. Armed with this undeniable fact, Blair briskly catches up to the group and joins them in the elevator.

 

When Dan said his house was empty that of course did not include Dorota, who is quickly directed to find Serena some clean clothes. The boys get her up the stairs and into Dan’s room, where she attempts to collapse on his bed.

“We have to keep her awake,” Dan says, attempting to pull Serena up while she cries out that she’s tired.

“Just let me sleep,” she moans.

“Come on, we’ll get you into the shower,” coaxes Dan.

Nate helps Dan get Serena up and they shepherd her towards the bathroom.

“Just like old times,” Chuck says, practically smirking.

“Are you enjoying this?” snaps Dan.

“Call me sentimental.”

“I think I can take over from here,” Blair says, pushing Chuck to the side and shutting the boys out of the bathroom. She’s sure they managed well enough before, but now that there’s another girl to do the job she doesn’t see why she shouldn’t.

Blair helps Serena struggle out of her dress and holds her hair back as she pukes, starting the shower and bullying Serena into it when she complains that the water is cold. The shower and the vomiting both seem to help and once Serena is clean and in fresh clothes, Dan determines she’s not going to die of alcohol poisoning and they leave her to rest.

 

The sun has risen by the time Serena is taken care of and they regroup downstairs. The boys, or probably Dorota, have procured coffee and bagels but no one’s eating. Of the four of them, Nate is the only one who is on speaking terms with all of the other three, which makes for an awkward gathering.

Finally, Nate speaks. “So what happened?” He looks around at each of them. “She hasn’t been this bad in a long time, something must have happened.”

“I mean, it’s obvious right?” Dan says, glancing at Blair. He looks as guilty as she feels. They’d betrayed her. Sure, Serena had shut them out, but her cry for help could not have been more obvious and they’d ignored her. Well, Blair had, and then she’d punished Dan when he didn’t.

Chuck rolls his eyes. “Not everything is about you, Daniel.” They all turn to look at him. He has the insufferably smug expression of someone about to drop a bombshell. “It’s Georgina.”

“Georgina?” Dan and Nate say together. Blair thinks she’s read the name on Gossip Girl before but when she tries to conjure up a face she comes up empty.

“Isn’t she in Switzerland dating a prince or something?” asks Nate.

“Not anymore. She’s been in town for months.”

“Are you sure? I mean, if Georgina was back, wouldn’t I know about it?” Dan says. He looks vaguely uncomfortable, like there’s an obvious reason why he should but not one he’s proud of.

Chuck catches Blair’s confused look and answers her unspoken question. “Georgina has a bit of an obsession with our Daniel,” he drawls. “He lost his virginity to her her.”

“So did you!” Dan snaps, flustered.

“Yes, but _I_ wasn’t stupid enough to go back for seconds.”

“Okay, I don't think this is relevant,” Blair says, holding up a hand to stop Dan from responding.

“Yeah, how do you know she’s back? Have you seen her?” Nate asks.

“No, Serena told me. Georgina took her out and got her wasted the night before the SATs. She called me to fix it. Which I did.”

“By having someone cheat for her?” Blair says, eyebrows raised.

“It wasn’t easy to arrange so short notice either,” he says, her snide tone going ignored.

“So that’s what she’s been doing since she came back?” asks Nate. “Taking Serena out partying?”

“For a start. She was also ordering stuff in Serena’s name to get her in trouble: porn, drugs, that champagne at school.”

“How do you know all of this?” demands Dan.

“Well, I do live in the same hotel as her. And unlike some people, I can be trusted not to judge.”

Dan gets all huffy but Blair speaks before he can. “I don’t get it. Who exactly is Georgina and why is she doing this?”

The boys exchange glances.

“She and Serena used to be pretty close,” says Nate.

“She likes to play games,” says Dan.

“She’s a crazy bitch,” says Chuck.

None of this is helpful. They basically just described Blair. “Okay... so why did Serena show up at my house in the middle of the night in tears?”

For the first time Chuck looks less than sure of himself. “I think Georgina has something on her. I don’t know what, but whatever it is it’s bad enough she can’t even tell me.”

There’s silence as they all contemplate what that might mean.

 

They don’t get much further in their speculation, sitting down and picking at the bagels in awkward silence. Blair settles into an armchair across the room from the couch Dan is on. This turns out to be a bad choice, for while it prevents them from talking it places him directly in her line of sight. She keeps catching him looking at her and each time she does he looks away. She can’t blame him. Whatever Georgina did, they were the ones that isolated Serena in the first place. They made her vulnerable. 

Serena finally emerges and they stand as a group. She freezes on the stairs at the sight of them. “I didn’t think you’d all still be here.”

It’s Nate who says what they’re all thinking. “Of course we’re here. We were worried about you.”

Serena hovers there, on the verge of running back upstairs, but she completes her descent. “Thank you for waiting, but I’m fine. Really.”

“Yeah, sorry, but I don’t believe you,” says Dan.

“Chuck told us about Georgina,” Nate says and Serena’s eyes widen at the name.

“What exactly did she do that has you so freaked out?” asks Blair.

Serena looks around at all of them, her eyes filling with tears. “I can’t tell you.”

“Of course you can,” says Nate and the rest of them nod in agreement. “You can tell us anything.”

She shakes her head. “Not this.”

“It’s not like any of us are saints,” says Dan.

“Yeah, I’m last the person who can judge you for keeping secrets,” Blair says. Her eyes meet Dan’s but she looks away. “Or for not trusting your friends. But you don’t need to make that mistake.”

“We’re your best friends,” says Nate. “We just want to help.”

They may not have acted like best friends. At times they may have hated each other. But here they are, gathered together earlier than anyone should be awake on a weekend, because when it comes down to it, they love her. Even Blair. None of this would have hurt so much if she didn’t.

“If I tell you, it can never leave this room,” Serena says. They nod and gather around her as she sits.

She takes a deep breath. “Something happened the night of the Shepherd wedding.

“I think we’re all aware of what happened that night,” Dan says dryly and Blair kicks him. That is not the tone they need to be taking right now.

“No, something else.” Serena gathers herself. “I left the wedding in a hurry. I felt so terrible and guilty, I just had to get out of there. Georgina and I had plans to meet up after, so I headed straight to her. We were in a hotel room and I didn’t know it at the time, but she was taping me.”

Serena tells them about the guy Georgina had waiting for her. She’d planned on tricking Serena into making a sex tape, hence the recording, but Serena was too upset about the cheating she had just done to be manipulated into doing any more. The guy had been pushy though. Georgina had promised him.

Serena starts crying for real now and Blair takes her hand.

“I tried to distract him by having him do a couple lines but then...then...”

“It’s okay,” Blair says soothingly. “It’s okay.”

“He overdosed,” Serena gasps. “I tried to call someone but Georgina wouldn’t let me. She said we’d get in so much trouble.”

She has to stop a moment before continuing. “I couldn’t leave, I just couldn’t, so I waited across the street from the hotel. I just wanted to see that he was okay, but he wasn’t. He-” Her breath catches.

“You don’t have to say it,” says Dan.

“I didn’t know what to do, I just knew I had to leave, so I got on a train going north, got a room, and convinced my mom boarding school was a good idea.”

“And never said goodbye,” says Nate, quietly. “It makes sense now.”

“So now Georgina has this tape and she’s blackmailing you with it,” Chuck clarifies.

“More like tormenting. She hates that I was moving on.”

“We need to find her,” Chuck says.

“No, please,” Serena says. “She has that tape and she could show anyone.”

“But wouldn’t she go down for it too?” Blair asks.

Serena shakes her head. “I don’t know. She wasn’t in the room for most of it. She could probably cut herself out and it would still look really bad.”

“Well she can’t use it against us,” says Dan.

“Yeah, we’re on your side. No matter what,” says Nate.

Blair squeezes Serena’s hand and Serena squeezes back.

 

It’s not long before they begin to get calls from parents who have woken up to find them gone. Eric must have told Serena’s mom where she was because Dan’s dad calls asking them both to come to the hotel. Their party breaks up, Serena heading back upstairs to change into her freshly laundered dress while the others head out to get some sleep.

Dan catches Blair as she’s walking to the elevator, stopping her with a light touch on her wrist.

“I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner tonight, right?”

Blair blinks at him. He’d talked about that when they were dating and it was assumed she’d go with him, but she’d never received a formal invitation to any of the wedding events. “I wasn’t sure I was invited.”

“You should come,” he says firmly.

For the first time she lets herself hope that they can get through this. That they’re going to be okay. “Alright.”

He steps back as the elevator arrives, hands in his pockets. “I’ll text you the info.”

She nods, allowing herself a small smile.

 

Blair is almost out of Manhattan by the time she realizes she still has Serena’s phone in her pocket. She stares at it, remembering how this all started and everything that’s happened since. It suddenly doesn’t feel soon enough to be seeing Serena again tonight at the dinner. She gets off the subway and on another one, heading back uptown to the Palace.

Her vague ideas of some grand gesture of friendship are cut short by the concierge, who insists that the family does not want to be disturbed right now and that he will see the phone returned to Miss van der Woodsen personally. Blair spends a few minutes arguing with him for the sake of it before leaving the hotel in defeat. She thinks they will be able to fix things eventually, but wishes she could just get it over with.

As she’s moping, she sees Sarah enter the courtyard, carrying a tray with two coffees and speaking into her phone.

“I’ve been calling you all morning but since you apparently never charge your phone, I guess I have to come to you.”

She spots Blair and freezes, something more than surprise in her eyes. She looks different, heavier eye makeup, better clothes, and a sharper set to her mouth. But then she smiles, so bright and sweet Blair almost wonders if she’s imagining things.

“Blair! Oh my gosh, what a coincidence!”

“What are you doing here?”

“I have some friends from out of town staying here. What about you?”

She seems more than casually invested in the answer and Blair watches her carefully as she says, “I came to talk to Serena actually, but she doesn’t want to see me.”

There, a flicker of relief. “Mmm, that’s probably for the best though, right?”

Blair fakes a little sigh. “Yeah, I guess.”

Sarah reaches out with her free hand to rub Blair’s arm. “Let’s hang out later, okay? I’ll cheer you up.”

Blair nods and Sarah gives her another smile before walking past her to the hotel. Blair turns and watches her go, unable to shake her growing suspicion. It’s crazy, but then, that is apparently her MO. She waits until Sarah is at the door then calls out, “Georgina!”

Sarah automatically looks around at the name, stopping at the sight of Blair looking back at her. They stare at each other across the courtyard, on an even playing field for the first time. Georgina’s lips curl into a smirk and she wiggles her fingers in a wave before turning to enter the hotel.

It’s on.


	14. The Wedding

By the time Blair gets home, she’s exhausted but too furious to even think about sleeping. For weeks, _weeks_ , she’d been made a fool of, pouring her heart out to a literal stranger. She should have known better. Sarah had always been so eager to hear about Dan and Serena, so ready with advice to separate them. Blair goes over every one of their conversations in her head, kicking herself for being so stupid. Georgina is going to pay. For everything.

Eventually, she passes out, waking up just in time to get ready for the rehearsal dinner.

 

The dining room is already crowded by the time she gets there, making it difficult to find Serena or anyone else she actually knows. Finally, she spots Dan talking to Nate and marches up to them.

“I saw Georgina,” she says, having trouble keeping her voice down. “She came to the coffee shop where I work like a month ago pretending to be this girl named Sarah and she’s been screwing with me ever since.”

This does not seem to shock them. They look weary more than anything. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” she asks.

Nate looks around to make sure no one near them is listening. “Serena’s mom saw the video.”

“Part of it anyway,” says Dan. “That, plus the way Serena’s been acting these past few weeks, she totally went off on her when we got back to the hotel.”

“She’s going to send her to reformatory school,” says Nate.

“What? No!” Blair hasn’t had the chance to make up with her yet. “No, that’s not happening.”

She scans the crowd for Serena’s mother, spotting her elegant blonde updo in a knot of people across the room. Blair pushes her way towards them, catching them mid airy upper class laugh.

“Don’t send her away.”

It takes a second for Lily to place her. “Blair, it’s not polite to interrupt.”

“I don’t care who hears, just don’t send her away.”

With an exasperated sigh, Lily excuses herself from her companions and leads Blair away. “Thank you, but it’s not exactly your business what I do with my daughter.”

“I say this with all due respect, but you have no idea what your daughter’s been going through.”

“I know enough.”

“No, you don’t. She needs help and I can’t give it to her.” Blair doesn’t know where she and Serena stand right now, but even if they were friends again it wouldn’t be enough. “She needs her mom.”

“I’ve seen the video. Serena doesn't need me, she needs boundaries.”

Blair closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to stop herself from shouting. “Please,” she says, as politely as possible. “Please, just talk to your daughter.”

 

Blair doesn’t know whether she got through to her, but she must have done something because after a whispered conversation with Dan’s father, Lily leaves her own rehearsal dinner.

The meal proceeds as planned anyway and of course Blair is seated next to Dan. He gives her a strange smile that she doesn’t know what to do with, part apologetic, part pleased. It ends up not really mattering; he spends most of the meal caught up in conversation with his father, who’s sitting on his other side and has no one else to talk to with his fiancé absent. Blair doesn’t mind the lack of conversation. She’s completely caught up in plotting her revenge.

It was a mistake to call out to Georgina in the courtyard. Blair should have kept her suspicions to herself and confirmed with a photo later. Now that she knows Blair knows, Georgina’s not going to come near her, and with Serena either coming clean or being sent away, her game is coming to an end. It’s only a matter of time before she skips town, which means Blair is going to have to act fast.

She thinks through everything she knows about Georgina, which isn’t much. All she has are weeks worth of Sarah’s lies to sort through and her apparently longstanding fixation on screwing with Serena. No, it wasn’t just Serena. Blair hadn’t even been talking to Serena when Sarah showed up, but she had been with Dan. And now she isn’t. That’s not a coincidence.

“Does Georgina know you know she’s back in town?”

“Huh?” says Dan around a mouth full of food.

“Have you seen her or been in contact with her at all today?”

“Uh, no. Why?”

Blair smiles, the plan taking shape. “I think I have an idea.”

 

After a good half hour of texting, Dan is able to procure the number Blair is looking for and they sneak out into the hallway to make the call. Dan says he remembers Georgina’s parents as being strict, which is promising.

Blair puts on the concerned friend on the verge of tears voice she’d perfected over the many times she’d made this play in middle school and spins her tale of woe. Or starts too. She barely gets past Georgina’s name before the weary voice at the end of the phone says, “What has she done now?”

Blair shoots a triumphant look at Dan. Got her.

 

“I’m going to meet with them tomorrow,” Blair tells him, snapping her phone shut. “I’ll come by your house for phase two?”

He cracks a smile at her phrasing. “Sounds good.”

They linger there in the hall for a moment, him in his suit, her in her little black dress. She desperately wants to say something but knows it’s too soon. Everything is still so unsettled.

“Blair-”

“We should get back inside.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

 

The next morning, Blair finishes the research she had been too tired to do the night before, then calls Georgina’s parents again to talk it over and confirm their meeting. The trap is in place. They just need to set the bait.

“So good news,” Dan says when she arrives at the penthouse. “Serena’s going to stay in the city.”

“That’s great,” Blair says, taking off her coat to have it immediately whisked away by Dorota.

“Yeah, whatever you said to Lily must have worked. Apparently they had a good talk and then went to go see the parents of that guy. The one who, you know.” He makes a vague hand gesture poorly indicating _deceased_.

She raises her eyebrows. “Wow. That must have been hard.”

He nods. “I think it was good though. She seemed a lot better when I talked to her.”

“Good,” Blair says, firmly not jealous. “We need to get in touch with Georgina before she realizes she doesn’t have a hold on her anymore, if she hasn’t already.”

They station themselves at the dining room table, the phone between them, shoulders almost touching.

“Are you sure this will work?”

“It will if you’re convincing. Go.”

Dan calls.

“Hello?”

“Georgie, hey! I just heard you were in town, why haven’t I seen you?” Blair needn’t have worried about him. He’s perfectly charming.

There’s a pause on the other end. She’s suspicious, but she wants to believe him and Blair’s betting that’s enough. “I didn’t think you had time for me. I’m sure you’re busy with Serena.”

Dan chuckles. “Wow, you are out of the loop. I guess you don’t get much news in Europe. Serena and I broke up ages ago.”

“Oh? I guess that explains those rumors I heard about you and some Brooklyn girl.”

“Her?” He makes a short sound of amusement. “That was nothing. I’m shocked you even heard about it.”

It hurts to hear, even though she knows he’s only playing a part. It’s just the sort of dismissive comment she always feared he’d be making about her one day.

“So come on, will you meet me? I’ve really missed you.”

Blair holds her breath as Georgina wars with herself. She doesn't have to wait long; in the end Georgina’s no match for a flirty and cajoling Dan Humphrey.

“I guess I have some time. Meet you in Central Park? By the pond?”

“See you there.”

He hangs up and lets out a breath. “That went well.”

Blair nods, not quite able to look at him. “You’re good at that.”

She can feel him staring at her but doesn’t look up. “You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Of course.” She pushes back from the table and stands. “You better get ready. And I have go meet with her parents.”

“Right. Uh, good luck.”

“You’ll need it more,” she reminds him.

 

Blair is legitimately concerned Dan won’t be able to keep it together while face to face with Georgina, knowing everything she’s done. Georgina is operating on one hundred percent bullshit and Blair can just picture Dan unable to help himself rolling his eyes and being found out. But when she arrives, everything is in place. Georgina is even positioned with her back to the direction of their approach. Perfect.

Dan is smiling and laughing along to whatever Georgina is saying but when he spots Blair over her shoulder his smile turns hard. It doesn’t take long for Georgina to notice and turn to see what he’s looking at.

Blair wiggles her fingers in a wave. “Hi, Sarah! I ran into some of your friends from back home.” She gestures to the couple behind her. “I think you remember your parents.”

Georgina’s sharp intake of breath is music to her ears. She looks around for an escape route, but Mr and Mrs Sparks came better prepared than Blair could have dreamed. They brought security. Dan has already melted off into the crowd and Georgina has no one to turn to.

“Mom, dad, this isn’t what you think. You have to believe me.”

“Not this time, Georgina,” her mother says.

“Your parents were so worried,” Blair says, with a sad shake of her head. “They haven’t heard from you in _months_.”

“We’re only trying to help.”

Georgina attempts to back away, eyes darting. “No. I’m not going back to rehab, that place was tragic.”

“You don’t have a choice,” her father snaps.

“Don’t you want to see where you’re going?” Blair says cheerily, pulling a pamphlet out of her purse and handing it over.

“What’s this?”

“A boot camp for troubled girls,” her mother says. “Your friend Blair was kind enough to do some research.”

Blair smiles angelically at Georgina’s parents, slipping into a smirk as she turns back to their daughter. “Have fun in reform school.”

Georgina’s eyes are wide and panicked and Blair does feel a tiny bit bad for her. Her parents obviously want as little to do with her as possible and the boot camp Blair provided was truly the nastiest program she could find. It’s just the tiniest bit though. Georgina assumed Blair was an easy target and she messed with the wrong girl. She’s going to have to face the consequences.

 

Blair leaves her to her fate, walking back through the park the way she came. It doesn’t take long for Dan to catch up.

“Congratulations. You pulled it off.”

“We pulled it off,” Blair corrects. “You did well with her, Humphrey.”

“Thanks. I think.”

It’s a beautiful day, the park jewel bright, with the promise of summer in the air. And it’s lovely to be walking through the trees side by side with Dan. She itches to reach out and take his hand.

All too soon, they're nearing the edge of the park. Blair’s struggling to think of what to say before they part when Dan stops abruptly. As she turns to see what’s wrong, his words all come out in a rush. “Look, Blair, I know you said you wanted space and that the last few days have been crazy, but can we please just talk now?” His shoulders slump and he looks at her helplessly. “Just... I’ve missed you.”

Blair’s heart swells. She’d broken up with him with practically no explanation and refused to talk to him for weeks and he’s still here. He hasn’t given up on her. And she should have known that. She needs to stop expecting the worst from him. But, much as she wants to just kiss him right now and put this whole thing behind them, she can’t. Not yet. She’s going to do it right this time.

“I’ve missed you too,” she admits. “And I do want to talk, just not yet. There’s something I need to do first.”

“I-” he sighs. “Okay. I’ll see you at the wedding though, right?”

“I’ll be there.” On impulse she leans up and kisses him on the cheek.

He gives a startled laugh. “Soon, right?” he calls as she walks away.

She spins back around to nod at him. “Soon.”

 

 

The wedding venue is gorgeous, naturally, outdoors and dripping with flowers. Blair arrives early and is greeted by Jenny, looking fresh and lovely in her yellow bridesmaid’s dress.

“Blair you’re here! And you look so pretty!”

“Thanks, so do you,” Blair says, scanning the area for a matching yellow dress. “Do you know where Serena is?”

“Um, yeah, I think she’s still inside.”

“Okay, thanks.”

After some searching, Jenny proves right. Blair finds Serena hiding in one of the lavishly furnished rooms upstairs, lounging on an ornate sofa.

Blair knocks against the doorframe. “Hey.”

Serena sits up straight at the sight of her. “Hey.”

They look at each other for a moment, strangely shy, then Blair moves to join her on the couch. They both begin speaking at once.

“I wanted to-“

“I came to say-“

They stop, laughing a little. “You first,” Blair says.

“Oh, well, my mom told me you talked to her at the rehearsal dinner. Thank you for that. And for looking after me that night.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m just glad everything worked out okay.” Serena nods and Blair takes a deep breath. Here goes.

“S, I am so sorry. I never should have gone behind your back like that with Dan. It’s just that it started out as nothing and by the time it became something, I didn’t know how to tell you. But that’s no excuse and I’m sorry.”

Serena looks down at her lap, fiddling with her little black gloves. “I could have handled it better,” she admits quietly.

“Think you can ever forgive me?”

When Serena looks back up, her eyes are teary, which immediately makes Blair’s start to get teary too. “Of course, B. Can you forgive me?”

"Of course." Blair reaches out and hugs her, hooking her chin over Serena’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.”

They pull apart and Blair gives a wet laugh, searching through her purse for tissues. “God, we can’t cry. There’s no time to fix our makeup before the wedding.” She hands Serena a tissue and they dab their eyes dry, checking each other for runny mascara.

“So, um, what is going on with you and Dan?” Serena asks carefully.

“Well, we broke up. But-” Blair pauses. This hasn’t gotten any easier to say in the months since she first ought to have said it. The only difference now is she knows she has to. She sighs. “I really like him. And I’m pretty sure he still likes me too. But if you don’t want me to do anything about it, I won’t. I promise. Because you’re my best friend. And I love you.”

Blair waits as Serena takes this in. Whatever the verdict is, she’ll be fine. She got Serena back, which just a week ago had seemed impossible. She and Dan can always be friends again. He’ll understand.

“I love you too, B.” Blair smiles and waits for the _but_. “Both of you. And I want you to be happy, so-” Serena takes a deep breath and makes a decisive nod. “Go for it. I don’t mind.”

Blair fights back a smile and makes herself ask, “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Honestly, I think I got over it a little while ago.” She frowns down at her hands. “Ever since I got back I’ve been trying to prove to myself that I’ve changed and I guess I sort of fixated on Dan as a way to do that. Like, if I could do our relationship over again, only right this time, then it would be like all the bad stuff I did never happened. But that’s not how it works. We had our chance.” She looks back up at Blair with a shrug. “And he seemed happy with you.”

It’s lovely to hear, but a little sad too. Blair hasn’t been fair to either of them. “Thanks, S.”

Serena smiles and squeezes her hand. “You better go find a seat. It’ll be starting soon.”

Blair squeezes back and gets up. “I’ll see you at the reception.” When she gets to the door she pauses and with deliberate casualness says, “Oh, and you don’t need to worry about Georgina anymore. Her parents decided to take her in hand and she’s on her way to reform school.”

“What? How-?”

Blair smiles and arches an eyebrow. “I have my ways.”

Serena laughs and Blair skips down the stairs, lighter than she’s been in months.

 

It turns out there was no need to rush because Nate has saved a seat for her. He introduces her to his father, fresh out of rehab, and makes an awkward excuse for his mother, kept away by a shrubbery emergency.

The wedding goes off without a hitch, Serena and Jenny walking up the aisle to take their places across from Dan and Eric, followed by Lily, looking radiant. Dan’s gaze finds Blair’s during the ceremony and when he smiles at her, she smiles back.

 

At the reception, Blair is seated with a group of other young people including Nate and Chuck. She fills them in on her handling of Georgina, playing it off like it was nothing but reveling in their praise.

Blair hasn’t been to many weddings before and never one as fancy as this, so it’s easy to get caught up in the spectacle and performance of all those traditions she’s most familiar with from TV. Speeches are made, the cake is cut, and the bride and groom have their first dance.

As the best man and maid of honor, Dan and Serena are the first to join their parents on the dance floor. As Blair watches them, speaking softly as they sway back and forth, it’s hard not to feel like they’re still in an entirely separate world, one she’ll never really be part of. But ultimately, that’s on her, and it’s going to be up to her to start trusting that they do actually want her around.

Once the photographers have gotten sufficient coverage, the floor opens to everyone. Nate asks Blair to dance and they adopt proper form, her hand on his shoulder, his on her waist. For something she’s literally dreamed of, it’s remarkable how unextraordinary it feels. Just a dance with a friend.

“Have you and Dan worked things out yet?”

“Not yet,” she says with a reprimanding huff. “But no need to hound me about it. I’m planning to.”

He grins. “Okay. Good to hear.”

“What about you and Serena?” If he can dig on his best friend’s behalf she can do the same for hers.

“What about me and Serena?”

“You still like her. Don’t you?”

“Does it matter?”

She frowns. “Why wouldn’t it?”

He gives her a look as if to say _Really?_ “After everything that’s happened, I doubt she’s looking for a relationship right now.”

“I suppose not.”

“It’s okay. I can wait.”

 

It’s not long before Dan and Serena abandon the dance floor. Serena heads straight to where Eric is talking with Chuck, presumably to rescue her brother from his dangerous influence, while Dan returns to their family’s now empty table. Nate notices at the same time Blair does and immediately stops dancing, dropping her hand.

“I’m going to uh...go get some more cake,” he says, gesturing over his shoulder.

“Uh huh. You do that.”

Rolling her eyes at Nate’s pointed look, Blair walks over to where Dan is sitting alone. “Hi.”

He drops the fork he was playing with, hitting the plate with a clatter. “Hi.”

She slides into the seat next to him, sitting sideways to face him. “So. I freaked out. I let Georgina get in my head and honestly I was pretty jealous already so I didn't exactly make it hard for her. I’m sorry.”

“That’s it?”

She frowns, unable to tell if he’s unimpressed with her explanation or her apology. “Like you’re so perfect,” she retorts. “I was going through a lot, which you might have noticed from, I don’t know, the entire school hating me. And you should have called me to tell me you were going to be late that night, I mean honestly, how hard - what?”

He’s smiling at her. “Do you wanna dance?”

“No,” she snaps then leans in and kisses him. It’s short, declarative, and she can feel him smiling against her lips before she pulls away.

“Just to clarify,” he says, looking her straight in the eye. “I want to be with you. Only you.”

Blair looks down at her hands but can’t hide her smile. “I know.” She returns his gaze. “Try this again?”

He offers her his hand and she takes it. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little epilogue left! I'll try and post it tomorrow!


	15. Epilogue

“Sorry I’m late!” Serena breezes into Blair’s room and bounces onto the bed, disturbing some of her carefully curated piles of clothing.

“What do you think of this?” Blair asks, holding up a floral sundress.

“Ooh, pretty! Take it.”

Blair folds the dress and adds it to the to-pack pile.

“I can’t believe you’re going to Paris! You’re going to have so much fun.”

“I hope so.” She’s been trying to downplay her excitement, not wanting to rub her happiness in Serena’s face, but in reality she’s bursting with it.

“You will,” Serena asserts. “There’ll be shopping and macarons and _Dan_.” She says it in the teasing way she’s been getting freer with lately and Blair smiles even as she rolls her eyes.

“ _And_ Jenny, _and_ his mother. Hardly a recipe for romance.”

“Fine, then you’ll do all your boring museum stuff together. Either way, you’re gonna love it.”

“True,” Blair admits. She and Dan have spent almost every day together since the wedding and amidst their making up and making out, have put together an extensive itinerary. She picks up a beret for Serena’s inspection. “What about this? Too much?”

 

With Serena’s help, Blair manages to narrow her options down into a reasonable selection that just fits into her suitcase.

“I’m not going to have enough room to bring back anything I buy,” she frets.

“Just buy a new suitcase there,” Serena says absently before noticing Blair’s eyebrow raise. “Or bring one of those fold up duffel things.”

Blair digs one out of her closet and squeezes it in. “There.” She plops down on her now cleared bed next to Serena.

“Are you sure you can’t come to the Hamptons as soon as you get back?”

“I wish, but I promised my dad I’d come up and see the new house. Right after that though.”

“You better. We need some quality beach time together.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay out there all alone?” Blair asks, feeling a little guilty about her own whirlwind plans. She’s never had a summer this packed before.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be good for me,” Serena says, contemplative. “And I won’t be _entirely_ alone.”

“Oh?”

“Nate’s going to be around,” she says, with a deliberate shrug that Blair finds promising.

“Will he?”

“Yeah, I actually ran into him right before I came here.”

“How’s he doing?” Word was, his father had skipped out during the wedding and fled the country to avoid his upcoming trial.

“I think he’s taking it pretty well, considering. We got iced coffee together.”

“Sounds nice,” Blair says, endeavoring to sound noncommittal.

Serena gives her a look, but smiles a little as she says, “We’ll see.”

 

Serena hugs her before she goes, putting her hands on Blair’s cheeks like she’s a child about to go out on her first big adventure. “Promise you’ll call? I’m sure there’s like a million things I’m going to remember to recommend to you while you’re there.”

“Promise. And don’t spend too much time locked up in quiet contemplation, okay?”

Serena laughs. “Don’t worry. I doubt I’ll be able to keep that up long.”

Blair hugs her again, weirdly emotional. “Bye, S.”

“Don’t you mean _au revoir_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! It definitely ended up being more of a Blair/ Serena fic than I thought but I hope you enjoyed it. I do have vague plans for something from Dan's pov so look out for that!

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @[ pseudowoodo](http://pseudowoodo.tumblr.com/), I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this au!


End file.
